To Hang the Stars

She was there during school Andy undoubtedly noticed she was gone and that his mother hadn’t come back from work too. Although he probably hadn’t connected the two.

The daylight now poured through that window next to her mother illuminating her whole room and kept her from wanting the real lights on.

Amy had stayed the night with her and let her mother go catch a couple hours of sleep and was now in the on call room -which nurses weren’t really supposed to use- catching a few herself. She’d called her husband and told him what was going on and not to tell Andy yet, at least not until he came home. Chris had been adamant about the boy staying in his classes.

Amy knew the moment her son found out he’d be just as attached to the bedside as she and Amanda were. Maybe even more so than she.

Christine now sat in the bed watching some horrible daytime television thinking about what she’d dreamed the night before. Every subtlety coming back to her. Even the way it seemed to be “filmed” like the Underworld movies with their skin glowing the perfect shade of white/blue. She knew everything said was true, she just feared it was all too late.

Would it be cruel to tell him she loved him when she was in the hospital? To tell him she wished she’d broken her idiotic rule for him so she could have known happiness it’s truest form with him? Would he hurt more after she said it than before?

***

Nichole always knew when something was up with Christine. When Chris didn’t come to school the day after a doctor’s appointment was odd. Well much more than odd, it usually meant Christine was going to be kept for more tests. Nichole knew Christine’s luck, if they were going to test for it they were going to find it.

When the bell for lunch rang Nichole all but ran out of the building, headed straight for her car. This was a call she was going to make privately. She knew Andy would be seeking out the answers too and she couldn’t speak a word.

***

Andy had been searching all day for her. Expecting to see her darting down one hall or the next.

He didn’t even know of Christine’s issues and he was worried when it was the day after a doctor’s appointment and she was missing. His mother worked in the medical industry he knew that people often went in for routine check-ups and discovered crazy things.

When he was nervous he paced. He assumed that was why he was designed with such long legs; all the better to pace with.

Sitting in the classes made him absolutely insane, his urge to walk the halls drove him wild.

He’d gotten bathroom passes in every class just to walk over to her classes and look through the window hoping to see her. He was fairly certain none of Christine’s teachers ever wanted to see him again. Kids always laughed like idiots when they saw some peering through.

When lunch rolled around he’d finally accepted that she wasn’t there and was looking for Nichole assuming she’s have the answer he so craved.

He reached the table and found it lacking more than Christine.

“Where the hell is Nichole?” He asked of the rest of the usuals.

“She’s here.” Lauren spoke from her spot up to him quite simply. “Well, obviously not here, here but she’s at school today. I swear she hasn’t turned invisible for lunch.”

Renee looked at Lauren eyebrow arched high in wonder at that whole statement.

But Yelena spoke first. “Does the hamster fall off the wheel this often?”

“That would be an odd thing to turn for lunch.” Renee didn’t let not being the first to comment stop her.

Lauren faux scowled at Yelena and carried on, “But Chris isn’t at school at all today.” Then a knowing smirk slipped over her full lips. “But I’m sure you already know that Andy.” Everyone knew of his thing for her. They all had their suspicions the feelings were mutual and simply not acted upon.

“Yeah that’s why I was looking for Nichole, Chris is almost never absent. Plus she had a doctor’s appointment yesterday.” He spoke worry seeping through every syllable.

He saw the worry flash through their faces and it only worsened the feeling in him.

“What’s wrong with her? Do you guys know?” He asked desperately.

They all knew better than to say, but they wanted to with the way the boy was pleading right before them.

They wanted to but they all sent out their own versions of “no” and felt they were letting the kid lose his mind with worry.

His fierce gaze turned determined, “I’m going to go find Nichole.” He spun around ignoring the nagging voice in his head that said, ‘Maybe you don’t want to know.’

He went through the lunch room heading out to the outside of the school where the other half of the students ate on the build in cement tables under an awning that protected from any weather that may arise.

He didn’t see her there either.

Lunch was more than half over and he couldn’t find her.

He was just looking around thinking about where she could be. His eyes fixed on the student parking lot just staring out in the sea of cars. When it hit him, look for her car.

He vaguely remembered Nichole’s black pick-up with the ribbon magnets that red “Support Rock ‘n’ Roll” and “Support Bitching” on the inside of the bed at the back for her lack of a tailgate. He knew he could spot it from a mile away, it sort of screamed “Nichole!” loud enough to be heard in another state.

He found her car and he heard the bell ring telling them lunch was over, but he saw her silhouette in through the back window. He found her, he wasn’t going to turn back now.

He didn’t wait for an invitation, just climbed right into the passenger side catching her off-guard while she was wiping tears from her face.

“What the hell Andy? You scared the shit out of me.” She tried to sound like she hadn’t been crying.

He knew this was bad, Nicky was not a crier. Shit was bad. He tried to hold on to hope that it wasn’t about Christine.

“What is everybody hiding from me? What’s wrong with Chris?” He begged.
She just put her keys in the ignition slid on her seatbelt and looked up at him. “Put on your seatbelt.”

She pulled her truck out of the spot in her typical, too fast, fashion and was driving out of the school lot not really giving a shit about her last couple of classes. She knew Andy felt the same way.

***

“Mom go down to the cafeteria or something. You need to eat and I need to be alone for like five minutes. I promise I won’t switch rooms or lay really still with my blankets over my head when you come back. In retrospect those were both really mean jokes.” Christine said a while after her conversation with Nicky which was weighing heavily on her mind.

Amanda scowled, remembering those ‘jokes’ Chris pulled. “I will go down stairs and get something but I’m going to bring it back and eat it here.”

“Mom, eat downstairs or I will scurry off to hide somewhere. I still need time to myself mother.” Christine spoke honestly.

Her mother sighed. “Fine. I’ll give you some time. I’ll be back in a half an hour/45 minutes.”

Christine watched her mother walk out the door, the older woman turning back giving one last look at her daughter before actually walking at letting the door fall closed behind her.

Chris sat back and heaved a long awaited sigh. She’d been holding that back for a while. She didn’t want to have to talk to her mother about what was going through her mind right now.

Her mother wasn’t gone five minutes before she heard her door open again.

“Mom,” She whined not even looking over. “I thought we agreed.”

“Not mom Chris.” The perfectly unmistakable voice spoke to her softly.

Her eyes snapped open. “Andy? Why aren’t you at school?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” He retorted. “I was worried all day Chris.”

She felt bad. Preventing him from worrying about her was one of the main reasons she hadn’t told him. Telling him she was in the hospital led to the question why and that was the last thing she ever wanted to reveal to him. He was so perfectly unaware, so intricately out of the loop. She didn’t want him to be angry with her, she wanted him to look at her like she was damaged goods -like everyone else inadvertently did- even less.

Tears came to her eyes thinking of it all. She was overwhelmed. She thought she was prepared for any contingency yet here she was totally overwhelmed and didn’t know the proper course of action.

Nichole was just standing there trying not to say anything her own eyes watery trying to swallow the news she’d heard before Andy showed up to her truck.

The tears finally made it beyond the limbo of her eyelids and started streaking down her cheeks. “I’m sorry Andy,” came out in sobs.

Andy Biersack truly didn’t know what to make of this. This wasn’t the response he figured he’d get from this.

Nichole walked around Andy’s shock frozen figure moving to take the seat her mother had only so recently evacuated. She grabbed her best friend’s hand and put her head down on the bed not wanting anyone to see the tears she couldn’t hold back any longer.

Andy watched this knowing this meant everything was worse than he could have thought to begin with. His voice faltered losing the strength he came in with. “Chris, what’s going on?”

She just shook her head and tears continued down her face.

The door opened again and Andy spun to meet the face of his almost guilty looking mother. “Mom?”

“Why aren’t you in school Andy?” She asked but without the accusatory tone that should have been present.

“My best friend is in the hospital! What’s going on and why am I the last to know?” He was desperate for answers now.

His mother looked around him seeing Christine’s crying figure with her other friend weeping with her. Taking his hand she jerked his head telling him they were going to talk outside. Christine was dealing with enough.

Just outside Chris’s room on the other side of the wall were a few chairs and they sat.

“How did you know before me?” He asked as soon as his ass hit the chair.

“I was her nurse last night honey.” She spoke softly. “Chris has a long history of chronic illness. She never told you because everyone else looks at her like she’s defective and you don’t .” His mother gave him the overview of what she’d learned. “She knows all of her friends love her but she also knows they look at her like she’s glass. You look at her like she’s precious. She sees the difference. It was comforting for her.”

He didn’t know how to react except to get a little angry. “So she left me to be blindsided for comfort?”

Amy just shook her head. “Andy. I’m not done.” She grabbed his hand. “Christine is dying Andy.”