Love Shows When It's There

I heard footsteps coming upstairs but it didn't match the pattern of that kid Ross'. It was Mary. Why did Collin never come? He'd understand more. He's a guy after all. Not that I'd tell him anyway. And not that there's anything wrong with being a girl. Just when they flirt.

Mary opened the door and I immediately pulled myself into a curled up position with my head down. I was still crying but I didn't want her to see. She'd point it out. Not like I didn't already know.
"Alex, honey. What's up?" She asked me. I didn't answer. She noticed the CD on the floor and looked at me.
"You're crying over a broken CD? We can get you another one Alex. No need to cry." She scolded. She didn't get it. That CD belonged to Dan. It's not replaceable.

She bent down to pick it up. She would bin it.
"Leave it." I told her.
"Okay. But get it cleaned up." She said, before walking out. I curled in tighter and cried harder.

I had been crying for about half an hour before I stopped. I had cried it out. I walked over to my guitar and picked it up. I had many ideas in my head. It took half an hour to get them all down but it was done eventually.

I started to strum and lyrics were flying from my mouth. I had written this song just after Dan committed suicide.

" Make it a sweet sweet goodbye.
It could be for the last time and it's not right.
'Don't let yourself get in over your head' He said.
Alone and far from home,
We'll find you.

Dead. Like a candle you burned out.
spill the wax over the spaces.
Left in places of angry words.
scream to be heard.
Like you needed any more attention.
throw the bottle, break the door and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams.
Waiting to say 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around.
It's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you've brought this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'

Sing me to sleep (you've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams (but you've left the worst with me)
Waiting to say 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'"

Tears were running down my cheeks by the time I had finished it. I looked outside and saw it was really dark. I checked my phone and saw it was eleven O clock. Shit. School in the morning. I hated going to a new school. I was always made fun of. But I was used to it. And I could bet that Ross would be at the school. Him and his bunch of friends. If he had any.

I drifted off into a sleep that was very restless after thinking about what I would do to make myself less noticeable at school. Be myself? Nope. Fit in? Yes.

#####ALEX'S DREAM#####
"Dan. Come on. Open up." I yelled. He was taking forever in our bathroom. He always did. But he was taking longer than he normally did. It was strange.
"Dan. You still awake?" I asked jokingly. I didn't get a reply. I was beginning to get worried. He normally answered.
"Dan. You have five seconds or I am kicking the door down." I yelled to him. I counted to five and took a running kick at the door. It groaned and gave in. It flew open.

I saw Dan sitting on the ground, surrounded by pill bottles. His eyes were closed. He wasn't moving at all.
"Dan?" I asked cautiously. No reply. I knelt down beside him and touched his arm. It was stone cold. It also had cuts and bruises all over it. I checked his pulse. There was none. Had Dan killed himself? Had Dan decided to leave me all alone? I didn't want it to be true. Why had he done it?

Tears began running down my face and I shut my eyes tight to take away the sight of Dan.
##########

My eyes flew open and I sat up. I was covered in sweat and tears were rolling down my face. I hadn't had that nightmare for a long time. Why that night?