Love Shows When It's There

Thoughts twisted about in my head as I got ready to collect Chelle. The feelings I felt that day were indescribable. I was surprised that I hadn't broken down yet. Half of me was telling me that I was gonna be okay, that I had Jack and Chelle and Matt and Vinny and Zack, that I was gonna get through this and that there's a light at the end of the tunnel I'm going through. It told me that Jack was being genuine and that he loved me with everything he had.

The other half wasn't so reassuring. The other half of me was telling me that I was going to end up like Dan at the end of this. It told me that I was alone and I'd never find the light waiting for me. It told me that Jack was only faking it and that I wasn't ever gonna be loved. The question was, which side of me was louder?

Jack told Matt where we were going and grabbed my hand, dragging me to the car. I jumped in quickly and Jack drove to Chelle's house, following my directions. As soon as we'd stopped, Chelle opened the back door and jumped in before telling us to get back to ours. Ten minutes later, we were home. I took a deep breath and got out the car, running into the house. I hated outside. Jack and I showed Chelle to the spare room, and as soon as her stuff was out of her arms, I was in them. She hugged me tightly and Jack mumbled something about needing a drink, before sauntering off downstairs.

"Alex! Are you okay?" Chelle asked me. Tears filled my eyes as my head screamed "NO! YOU'RE FUCKED UP! YOU'LL NEVER BE OKAY!" I just shook my head as tears began to fall down my face quickly. Chelle hugged me tighter. "D'you want to talk about it?"
"I'm j-just scared. I-I don't know what to d-do," I sobbed.
"I wish I could help you," she said, hugging me closer.
"I-I need D-Dan," I whispered to her.
"Dan?" she asked, confused.
"My b-brother. He committed suicide just under three y-years ago-o," I sobbed.
"Holy Shit! Alex! I wish I could help you! I really do," Chelle told me, rubbing my back. I was helpless. My life was fucked up.
"What can I do to help you?" she asked me, almost begging.
"Don't let go," I told her, simply. Being alone at that moment was one of the worst things that could happen.
"Okay... I can hear someone coming by the way," Chelle warned. I didn't care.
"Lex... you okay?" I heard Jack say. I just shook my head.
"I miss him," I yelped, pain running thickly through my voice.
"I know baby," Jack said, knowing who I was talking about.

Jack grabbed me off of Chelle and pulled me into his arms. I knew how helpless he felt in these situations. I wish none of this had happened. I wish I remembered what happiness felt like. I wish I could go one day without missing someone. I wish I could go back to being the Alex that Jack fell in love with. What had happened to me? I used to never cry! I used to be strong! I used to be the one comforting everyone else! Where has that Alex gone? Where is he and can he come back? Why doesn't Jack see how pathetic I am? Seriously?

Well, I guess we know what voice screams louder now...