Love Shows When It's There

"Matt, we need to talk about these dreams."

I wasn't ready! The dreams were my way of dealing with what had happened. My way of dealing with the guilt. I shouldn't have let that happen to Alex. It was bad enough for him as it was. I just wish that I had done more. I could have done more. I should have done more.

That day, I'd seen the Jocks coming towards us. I knew that they weren't coming towards us on their way to class. I knew that they were looking for us. The way that they looked at each other, I knew something bad was gonna happen. I knew I should have got us back to class. Why didn't I get us back to class?

I looked at Vinny, pleading with my eyes to him, not to talk about it. He begged me with his own to talk about it. It was down to whoever caved first.
"Vin. Please. I'm really sorry I hurt you, but I'm not ready! Not so soon," I told him.
"Matt. I love you. It's killing me to see you like this. I need to know that you're okay. It hurts me to see you hurt," Vinny said, tears filling his eyes. I took his hand in mine, preparing myself for lying to him.
"Vin. I'm okay," I said, looking at his hand.
"Bullshit, Matt! You're anything but okay, and I have no clue how to help you," he admitted to me.

I looked Vinny in the eyes as tears flooded mine.
"You really wanna know what's going on in my mind right now?" I asked him.
"Of course I do Matt. I love you. I want to help you," Vinny replied, wiping away the tears falling down my face.
"I feel like shit, Vin. I watched as my best friend was raped. I feel guilty. I feel like I could have done something more. I feel like I should have gotten Alex away from there the moment I saw them coming towards us. I feel like I should have protected him," I said, breaking.

There was a sob that came from the door way. Matt and I both looked over to see Alex standing. His t-shirt was tear stained and his face was red.
"It's not your fault Matt. I'm thankful you tried. We were in a bathroom. There was one way to get in and out. If we'd gotten by them, we still wouldn't have made it away. You kept them away for a good ten minutes, Matt. And it was six against two until Zack appeared. And even then," Alex reminded him. Matt nodded.
"I know it was six against two until Zack showed up, but I was made to watch. I could have done something about that," I argued.
"Matt! Please! For my sanity, don't blame yourself. The school know what has happened. The boys are over sixteen so they're going to prison for rape and assault. I dunno how long they're in for, though," Alex told me. I nodded at him.
"At least they're not at school," I said, relieved. Alex nodded.
"I'm gonna go find Jack. I'll see you guys later," Alex said, wiping his face. Vinny and I nodded as he walked away.

Vinny and I turned to look at each other.
"That's what's going on in my mind, Vinny. How do I stop that?" I asked him.
"I don't know Matt, but Lex is right. You shouldn't blame yourself. I'm gonna work through this with you Matt. I'll do whatever it takes," I told him.
"I know Vin. I just wish I could shut up the nagging voice in my head telling me that it's my fault," I said.
"I know Matt. I know. We'll get through this. I promise," Vinny said, before leaning forward and crashing his lips into mine. I kissed back, knowing that everything's gonna be okay.