The Truth About Hollywood

It seemed like Danny and I had to do that scene a thousand times, trying to perfect it. When we finally did, to Levi's dismay, it was time to leave.

Danny and I changed back into our regular clothes and eventually got back into his car. It was awkward, since we were silent all the way back to my house. It was nothing like we usually were.

I kept trying to think of something to say to break through the cover, but I couldn't think of anything to say that would sound natural. More than anything, I wanted him to say something, anything.

Finally, I gave up. "Why are we being silent?" I whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he commented back with a smile.

"Because...it felt right." I laughed.

"I thought you'd be angry because I kissed you," he told me truthfully. "But...you know how things are."

"Right," I responded, even though I didn't know exactly what he was getting at...but it didn't sound like what I wanted it to.

"You know...you just get really into a scene and you don't know what you're doing until...it's done. It's not like it meant anything, right?"

"No, of course not," I breathed, feeling all the air leaving my lungs. I had thought that he'd kissed me because he actually felt that way. I thought he got caught up in the moment because he was imagining him and me or something...

That was what I was afraid of, not being able to separate lies from reality. I'd thought I was being careful because I didn't want to get sucked into that...but I had.

"Are you okay?" Danny questioned, his voice sounding worried.

I didn't notice until my eyes focused again and my brain came back to reality, but I was sniffling and a tear rolled down my cheek. "Oh, yeah. Just thinking about...things."

He bit his lip before looking over at me again. "Claire, I've been meaning to ask you, but I didn't want to because I thought it would be awkward and maybe...slightly inappropriate."

My eyes narrowed in suspicion as I finally nodded, signaling him to go on.

"Well...um... Is your mom okay? 'Cause I remember you said that she was really sick and that you wouldn't have any rides, and here you are now, staring out the window and crying, like something out of a music video..."

Again, my heart sank. I thought he was going to ask my something that had to do with the two of us...but I was just clinging to false hope. He didn't think of me like that, and he never would. I guess it was time to accept that now...or I never would.

Glancing out the window again, I noticed that we were parked in the driveway. "She's fine," I answered curtly, slamming the car door shut and hurrying into the house.

Once I was inside, I ran straight to my room, knowing that Mom wouldn't be home from the hospital yet. Inside my room, I let the tears I'd been holding back (for the most part) spill over and make tracks down my face.

"I can't believe how stupid I am," I sobbed, sitting up against the wall and putting my head on my arms, which were crossed over my knees.

"It's not like it meant anything, right?" His words kept replaying in my head. Every time they made their round, I hit my head against the wall, trying to get myself to stop thinking about him.

"He doesn't freakin' like you!" I snapped at myself. "Just stop crying over him...It's not going to happen. Especially if you're a stupid baby."

That got myself to calm down a little, allowing myself to take deep breaths and stop it altogether.

Looking in the mirror, I wondered what I thought he could have seen in me. Why would he even take a second look at me when there were Annabelle and Stella around? They far outshined me. All I was...I was just the younger girl who he hung out with because we were friends. That's it: Friends.

All the things I'd misinterpreted as flirting, I guessed they were just friendly things that he was saying, and I'd taken them the wrong way out of hope.

I hated myself. So much. I made these huge expectations for myself, only to have them crushed by a single sentence.

"Claire? Honey, are you home?" Dad's voice sounded strained. He was probably allowing Mom to lean on him so she didn't fall over. Mom was weak after chemo, not that I could blame her.

Quickly, I made myself as presentable as I could. My eyes were still a little red, my face blotchy, but it wasn't too noticeable. At least, that's what I told myself.

"Yeah?" I called as I ran down the stairs. Dad was struggling to get Mom up the stairs, all her nearly dead weight on him. I went on her other side and helped Dad.

"Babe, I got this, and I hate to ask...but can you get Mom's basin out of the car and empty it in the sink? Then, just bring it to our room."

"Sure," I agreed, bounding down the stairs, eager for a distraction. It wasn't until I got to the car and opened the door that I'd remembered what exactly the basin was used for...

Like a tidal wave, I was completely overcome with the thick smell of vomit. It made me gag for a second, but I regained my composure after a second.

As I carried it into the house, I kept it as far away from me as I possibly could. I was as careful as I could be not to look at the contents inside, since that would probably my stomach churn.

Without looking and holding my breath, I poured the puke into the sink and ran the water, making sure to get all of it down the drain.

Then, I hurried up the stairs and handed it to my father. "Any more news?" I whispered to Dad quietly as Mom started whimpering.

He shook his head. "In a couple of days, they're going to do a more specialized MRI so they can see if it can be removed by surgery or not."

I nodded, looking at her again. It was hard, seeing Mom like that. She looked up at me, as if hearing my thoughts, and rasped, "Get out."

That struck me hard. It was one thing when we used to argue all the time, but now...even after she'd told me that she was going through a tough time where she needed family now...

"Fine," I agreed, my eyes starting to water a little bit again.

Immediately, I disappeared into my room and turned on the TV. Distractions, distractions. Life was hard right now, but if I had distractions, I wouldn't have to focus on it.

I turned the channel to one of those channels focused toward teens, and I watched a drama they had on there for a little while, but nothing really clicked.

But then...a commercial came on. It showed snippets from the pilot, ending with the shot of Danny and me glaring at each other. My heart skipped a beat as it showed the date of the premiere, June 25th. That was only a month away. Gulp.

The commercial quickly flashed into another, just a single one in a long sequence of minute-long advertisements.

And yet that one made my heart melt all over again. I was in deep with Danny, which he was not reciprocating...

That meant that I was going to have to crawl my way out...