The Truth About Hollywood

"Good morning, Daddy!" I sing-songed cheerily, calling back to my childhood, as Dad walked down the stairs. He was unshaven, his hair sticking up all over the place, and he was still in his pajamas. "Aren't you going to get ready for work?"

"Not going," he answered gruffly. He pulled a chair out of the kitchen table and slumped into it, taking a gulp from the mug of coffee that I placed in front of him.

I winced, imagining how that must have scalded his throat. "You're not. How long is the grace period after a death?"

"I'm thinking about quitting," was his next bombshell.

My stomach sank. "Dad, you can't do that. We kind of need your income to keep our house afloat."

He shook his head and waved his hand, dismissing what he saw as a silly subject. "That's not true. You have a job that pays ridiculous sums of money. We can use that."

Surely he couldn't be serious... "I need that for college. I'm putting it away in an account."

"Babe," he said with a smile, but it looked off, almost crazy. That could have been my imagination though. "If you're a big star, you don't have to go to college. That's only for people who don't make it in show business."

"You're crazy," I scoffed. "Totally out of your mind. Maybe you should talk to someone."

"Don't talk to me like that!" he snapped suddenly. I jumped at his sudden outburst, almost dropping the plate of food I had in my hand. "You're the child, and I'm the adult. That means that you have to listen to what I say. You understand me?"

Nodding silently, I put the plate in front of him. A beep sounded from outside, so I started inching toward the door. "Well, I have to get to the studio, so I guess I'll talk to you later."

Dad nodded, ripping off a piece of toast to chew on.

As quickly as I could, I grabbed my denim jacket and shrugged it onto my arms and torso. "Danny," I greeted as I got in the car, "I think he's completely lost it."

Danny cocked an eyebrow at me, so I filled him in on the details of the morning. He let out a long, low whistle. "That's not good."

"Thanks, Einstein, for pointing out the obvious." I rolled my eyes and leaned my head against the cold window. "I mean, I know that I make enough money to support us and stuff, but I don't want to. I've been putting away that money. I don't know what's going to happen with my life, and I want a cushion."

"Maybe you should try explaining that to him? He might understand if you say it in plain language."

"I'm kind of scared to talk to him." The reality of that set in. What kind of world was it, to be scared of your own father? That was just wrong. "You know how he blew up at me."

"Maybe he was just grumpy...?" Danny tried to suggest, but it was clear that he didn't even believe it. "Well, he's probably not thinking rationally. After all, he just lost the woman who he had been married to for twenty years. That's gotta be tough."

"I understand that, but...if he's depressed or whatever, then he should see a therapist."

"He might just be too proud to take that step."

Danny's words resonated in me, ringing truer than anything I'd heard in a while. He was totally right. Dad just didn't want to admit that he had a problem, and so he didn't want to take that first step. I could help with that!

I was starting to feel better when Danny pulled up in front of the studio and we made our ways inside. However, that feeling dissipated when I saw what scene was being announced on the dressing room door.

My face flushed, and I turned away from Danny. It was the scene where...Diana and Logan took the next step. They had been going out for quite a few episodes, had their ups and downs, and were finally going to sleep together while Diana was upset about her grandmother dying suddenly.

Oh. My. God.

"It's going to be okay," Danny soothed, kissing the top of my head. "It's not real, right?"

"No, but I have to act like it is." My stomach was completely tense, every breath feeling like it didn't actually accomplish anything.

"Just relax."

I tried, but it didn't go so well. It was fun watching my makeup done so it looked like I had walked through the rain, but that could only amuse me and divert my attention for so long.

When I went to the set, I was happy to find that the rest of the cast were all elsewhere. The only people who were going to be watching this whole thing were the crew people.

Like that helped at all.

"You alright?" Danny whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, but muttered, "I'll get over it once we start."

We didn't talk as we set up, neither of us really knowing what to do. It was going to be hard to play something that I'd never done, but I just had to rely on Danny to guide the whole thing.

"And...action!" Levi called. There was a thing above me, sending down "rain", soaking me within seconds.

Shivering, I knocked on the door. When Danny opened the door, he cocked an eyebrow at me. "What are you doing here?"

"I just...felt like coming over," I replied with an edge of confidence. "Is that so wrong?"

"Um...no?"

We played through a little more of the scene before I flubbed my line. "Sorry!" I called out, raising a hand.

"It's alright. Just keep going!" Levi directed.

I did as he said, and said my lines without really thinking. After going through those a few times, taking different approaches, Levi cut in. "And now we're off to Logan's bedroom set."

My heart picked up significantly, and I almost felt like I was having a heart attack. "Oh my God," I mumbled.

Danny slipped his hand into mine and kissed the side of my head. "It's going to be okay. It's just acting. It's just like when we kiss."

"That's not acting," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," he mumbled. "But we're still not actually going to have sex."

I stared at him accusingly. He got without me having to tell him that, although we weren't going to be having sex, he was still going to have to take off my shirt, as I was his. Depending on where Levi was planning to go, it was possible that my skirt was going to have to be taken off, too.

Oh, the embarrassment.

Before I was ready, Levi was calling action, and the scene had to go on.

"Come on," Danny grinned, patting the bed next to him.

I sat down, trying to look as awkward as possible, before turning to look at him. "Look, I'm not sure if I'm totally-"

Danny leaned forward and kissed me, cupping the back of my neck with his hand. As our mouths moved in sync, I leaned forward, pushing him back onto the bed.

The entire time, I couldn't get lost in the scene. I felt too uncomfortable, but I tried to hide it as much as I could. Maybe it was different because I actually had feelings for Danny, and I wasn't ready to make this step with him in real life, but I felt like I ruined the scene.

Not for Levi, though, I found out when he called cut. Blushing fiercely, I put my shirt back on and buttoned it up, hiding the nice lace bra that had been provided by the wardrobe department.

"That was great!" Levi exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "But the beginning seemed kind of choppy. Let's do it again."

And so I had to reshoot that scene again and again, each time feeling a little less awkward, but the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach never really going away. It was like Levi was torturing me, making me go through that scene as many times as I was going to take.

***

"Dad?" I called out when I got home. My hair was kind of a mess from Danny running his hands through it, but it wasn't that noticeable, thankfully. Dad would have thrown a fit.

Well, the old Dad would have.

When Dad didn't answer, I checked the driveway again. His car was definitely there, so why wasn't he answering?

Journeying upstairs, I heard the water running in the shower. Oh, that made sense. "Dad!" I called, knocking on the door harshly so he could hear me. "I'm home!"

Still no answer. Now that was weird.

Ever so slowly, I eased the door open. "Dad?" I questioned. "I'm home."

But he didn't answer me. Starting to feel my heart pick up pace for the millionth time that day (was it possible for a sixteen-year-old girl to have a heart attack?), I made my way into the bathroom.

Dad was collapsed on the floor in a robe, his hair still wet. Next to him on the floor was a bottle of prescription drugs. When I picked it up, I saw that the refill date was set for the day before, but the bottle was gone.

"DAD!" I screamed, slapping his face. "Wake up! Now!"

He wasn't responding.