Geek of the Year

Sunday is the day of Church in my family; when you read the scripture of the Bible, listen to Father Joseph at our local church, and/or watch Joel Osteen preach on television. However, this Sunday is different. Starting with the fact that I am home, happily eating a chocolate muffin in the kitchen on the stool, facing the backyard.

Until, Ophelia showed up. Wait let me rephrase that. Until, Ophelia she opened the door as if it was her house.

"Hallo, my nerdy hubby," she cooed with a wave by the entranceway.

I had not moved from my position, and grunted like a cave dweller, unaware of what would happen next.

Ophelia, then, closed the front door and sat next to me from the behind with her angelic-yet-devilish smile, I am guessing. "Hey," she whispered dangerously, "what's with the grumpy face? It's not like I'm going to kill you on our wedding day."

I turned my stool around to meetmy Ophelia's brown eyes again, and once again she shivered slightly. I sat up straight and asked, "Where the hell you get those keys from?"

Anyone would think I would say to Ophelia to bugger off, but then I would have been getting a black eye; not a pretty picture to stare at.

"Um, your 'rents," she replied, then asked, "Why are the way you are?"

I raised my left eyebrow, and answered, "I like to be this way." However, it sounded more of a question than a statement. After that, it was a pregnant pause of three…long…dreadful…minutes.

"Alright," I spoke up again. "How come your parents named you after a Shakespearean character? I am just wondering."

Ophelia sighed, and attempted to stare in my eyes. She shivered once again, and responded, "W-well…"

Okay, sorry if LaLaLand was amusing now, but I wonder. Why does she shiver every time we stare, or in my opinion, when she stares at me? Maybe it is a girl thing. Girl things and I don't match very well anyway.

"…actually my parents are obsessed with him and named me after one of their favorite plays Hamlet," she finished off lamely, and then asked me something that I would never go.

"Oh," I said, then walked out of the kitchen and was about to head for the staircase until Ophelia grabbed my waist. "What the---" I screeched.

***

You know how bad you want to get away from a certain someone. Like a bully, perhaps? Well, let me just say I want to get run away from my fiancée and bully, Ophelia Keller, who is now clutching my waist. What should I do?

In addition, if it were in an advice column for the school paper, it would be signed by Future Geeky Dead Husband.

***

Ophelia growled, "Scott, no matter what you're mine now and you're going to Jake's party on Friday night no…matter…what! Aaarrggg!"

I quickly left her killer arms, and ran off to my room to make Speedy Gonzales jealous.

Hell no! I am not going to a raving, beer drinking party where sex is required to surpass high school social status ranking. It is stupid, ludicrous, and idiotic!

Angry as hell would let me, I stayed in my room playing Kingdom Hearts on my PS2 to kick some Heartless' ass for two hours straight awaiting the rest of my family coming home from church.

I should have gone to church.