Easy Come, Easy Go

Adelaine had never been more in trouble in her life. Which wasn’t hard, since she had never been in trouble in her life, not really. Since her parents paid no attention to her.

It was sick irony that the first and only show they went to was the one where she was hungover. They had grounded her until Christmas. She’d have the last week of break off anyway, so that was something.

Needless to say she hadn’t made it into the program. They called her a couple days later and informed her that she had not been one of those picked for the exclusive summer program. She might have been more devastated if she wasn’t so numb. She had a hidden stash of vodka in her room, and though she never got drunk, she had enough to numb her senses and still leave her functioning.

The only person she really had to hide it from was Jesse, because despite her being in trouble, her parents still sucked at paying attention to her with their star son around. And she was very careful about drinking only when he was busy and hiding the smell on her breath. She took to chewing gum and eating a lot of breath mints, as well as keeping away from Jesse as much as possible.

Her excuse of being grounded came in handy. She locked herself in her room most of the time and claimed to be studying. Other times she just rehearsed songs for VA.

So that was how she spent every day until Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve day she ran out of alcohol, which meant she spent the day sober. It was hell. She lay in bed all day, thoughts of Puck bombarding her until finally, around midnight, she couldn’t take It anymore. It was just her drama queen attitude enhancing any emotion until it was so built up it was hard to handle, she told herself. But it didn’t help.

So she slipped out of bed and silently made her way into the kitchen.

For some reason, despite grounding Adelaine for drinking, her parents hadn’t locked up their alcohol. Maybe they trusted Adelaine. Or maybe it just didn’t occur to him. So it was easy to find a full bottle of tequila in the back of the alcohol cabinet.

Instead of returning to her room, which would have been the safest choice, she headed out to the back porch and sat on the porch swing they had there. She opened the bottle, ignoring the taste that she hated as she took a long gulp.

It was late, everyone was asleep. So it seemed like an okay time to sing a song that had been in her head for a while.

“Alone in this house again tonight. I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine.”

It was Keith Urban’s Tonight I Want to Cry. She’d been weirdly obsessed with the song lately, though she didn’t fully understand why. She had a bit of an idea, but she didn’t like it so she ignored it and hoped singing was enough to get the song out of her head for good.

”I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show. And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control. But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry.”

She lost track of time, drinking tequila and singing sad songs. She was partway through Merry Christmas Darling when she sensed someone watching her. She stopped singing and turned to see Jesse standing in the doorway. When he knew she saw him he crossed over to her and sat down.

“All right. What’s wrong?” his gaze was on the half empty bottle of tequila in her hand.

“How long have you been here?” Adelaine asked, deflecting the question.

“Just after In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning and just before Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.” He studied her. “Now answer my question. I could go wake up mom and dad and turn you in for drinking again. Instead I’m giving you a chance to explain. This isn’t you…so why are you drinking?”

Adelaine was silent for a long time, long enough Jesse was sure she wasn’t going to answer. And then finally she spoke. “Because…because I don’t know how else to deal with a broken heart.”

Jesse silently took the bottle from her. He capped it, stood up, and disappeared into the house. He returned five minutes later with a mug of hot chocolate and a blanket. He hander her the mug, then sat down and wrapped the blanket around both of them.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She sipped her hot chocolate silently. “He was amazing, Jess. Perfect. But he told me he loved me…and I got scared. I didn’t know what to do, I felt like everything was happening too quickly. So I ran away.”

Jesse stayed silent, just listening.

“I avoided him for a week. And then, after Sectionals, he found me and wanted to talk. And…I broke up with him. I couldn’t handle loving him so I ran away.”

Jesse finally spoke. “Did you love him?”

“I…I don’t know. I really don’t. But I care deeply for him.”

“Still?”

“Yes.”

Jesse nodded. “So…you think drinking will make you feel better?”

“No. But it numbs the pain.”

“Until you sober up.”

“Yeah. And then it’s worse.”

“So then you drink again.”

“Yes.”

Jesse looked at her. “Do you really think that’s what he’d want you to be doing?”

“I honestly don’t know what he wants, Jesse.”

“I think you should talk to him. If you don’t resolve this it’ll only be worse in the long run.”

“Or I’ll talk to him and it’ll be worse.”

Jesse shook his head. “No. Even if he hates you now, you’ll have closure. And that’s what you need. Not alcohol.”

“Then why didn’t you ever talk to Rachel again?”

Jesse froze. Then, finally, “Because I was scared. It’s why I understand.” She said softly.

Adelaine bit her lip as tears she had been holding back finally fell. “I hate myself, Jesse. I hate what I did and I hate that I hurt him.” She set the mug on the ground and buried her face in her hands.

He wrapped his arms around her and she put her head on his shoulder, sobbing. “I know, Laine. I know.” He said. “Everything’s going to be okay.” And that’s what he told her as she slowly fell asleep, still on his shoulder, still crying.