Easy Come, Easy Go
All I Do Is Dream Of You (Morning, Noon, and Nighttime too)
Adelaine boarded the plane with high expectations. The first ten minutes she was so excited to be out of Ohio she couldn’t think about anything else. As the excitement died down, and she settled in for the long flight, her thoughts drifted. Unsurprisingly, she found herself thinking about Puck again.
It was hard not to think about him lately. Sober, with no Vocal Adrenaline rehearsals to distract her, it was all too easy to think about him. She tried drowning out the thoughts with her iPod after take off, but songs kept reminding her of him. Songs they had sung to on the radio while driving. Love songs that reminded her of…that night. Breakup songs.
She gave up after Someone Like You left her imaging way too many things she didn’t want to think about. She put her iPod back in her carry on, pulling out the book she had brought instead. She used to read all the time, before getting into VA. Now she almost never read.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jesse asked before she could open the book.
“I’m fine. I’m reading.” She said simply.
“No you’re not, you just took that book out.”
“Well I’m going to read it.” She said instead.
“You’ve read Harry Potter a hundred times. Will you please have a serious conversation with me?”
Adelaine sighed and turned to her brother. “What?” She asked impatiently. Mainly because she didn’t want to talk about what was wrong.
Jesse paused, choosing his words carefully. “You haven’t just been getting drunk for no reason, Laine. I’m worried about you. Keeping everything to yourself…it doesn’t work. It makes things worse. Vocal Adrenaline leads you to believe that emotion is weakness, put everything aside for the performance. Everything you are, they take, manipulating you until you’re a star performer…and you’re no longer yourself. They did that to me and look what I did. I gave in to peer pressure and hurt one of the most important people in my life. It’s not too late for you, Adelaine. You were always stronger than me.”
Adelaine stared at him for a very long time before speaking, mixed emotions she couldn’t entirely identify swirling through her. “That was a very nice speech.” She finally said. “What’s your point?”
He sighed. “Because whatever your problem is…if Vocal Adrenaline isn’t the cause of it then it’s making it worse.”
She didn’t reply. He was completely wrong, she told herself. Vocal Adrenaline had helped her…they helped her forget.
“Vocal Adrenaline isn’t healthy.” He continued, oblivious to her denial. “Your diet…the emotional abuse…it’s carrying over to everything else in your life, Adelaine. And it’s hurting you.”
Something in her identified with what he was saying, but she shoved it away. “I’m not quitting. I have one semester left and then I graduate. I need the Nationals tile under my belt. UCLA wants me, but I need this to look even better. Okay? So…” She trailed off.
“Fine. I understand, of course. Just…keep in mind what I said. Don’t lose who you are for them. You’re better than that.”
Adelaine broke his gaze. “Right. Can I read now?”
“Sure.”
She opened the book, but the words blurred on the page as his words filled her head instead.
Was Vocal Adrenaline really hurting her that badly?
The intense diet…
She remembered Noah at her house, making her pasta. Eating ice cream with him. All foods not allowed on her diet.
The rigorous rehearsals…
He always made her feel better when the stress from rehearsal built up.
The peer pressure…
But he made her feel like the strongest, most beautiful girl in the world.
And then she was backstage at Sectionals again, staring into his eyes as the rest of Vocal Adrenaline stared at them.
She bit her lip as the regret and pain hit her in a wave, the emotions stronger than she had expected. She had messed up her relationship with him, hurt him…because she was afraid.
Not just of the fact that he loved her. Supposedly.
But of the fact that she knew VA would never approve.
Jesse and Puck could say what they would about her.
When it came down to it…she was nothing more than a coward.
It was hard not to think about him lately. Sober, with no Vocal Adrenaline rehearsals to distract her, it was all too easy to think about him. She tried drowning out the thoughts with her iPod after take off, but songs kept reminding her of him. Songs they had sung to on the radio while driving. Love songs that reminded her of…that night. Breakup songs.
She gave up after Someone Like You left her imaging way too many things she didn’t want to think about. She put her iPod back in her carry on, pulling out the book she had brought instead. She used to read all the time, before getting into VA. Now she almost never read.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jesse asked before she could open the book.
“I’m fine. I’m reading.” She said simply.
“No you’re not, you just took that book out.”
“Well I’m going to read it.” She said instead.
“You’ve read Harry Potter a hundred times. Will you please have a serious conversation with me?”
Adelaine sighed and turned to her brother. “What?” She asked impatiently. Mainly because she didn’t want to talk about what was wrong.
Jesse paused, choosing his words carefully. “You haven’t just been getting drunk for no reason, Laine. I’m worried about you. Keeping everything to yourself…it doesn’t work. It makes things worse. Vocal Adrenaline leads you to believe that emotion is weakness, put everything aside for the performance. Everything you are, they take, manipulating you until you’re a star performer…and you’re no longer yourself. They did that to me and look what I did. I gave in to peer pressure and hurt one of the most important people in my life. It’s not too late for you, Adelaine. You were always stronger than me.”
Adelaine stared at him for a very long time before speaking, mixed emotions she couldn’t entirely identify swirling through her. “That was a very nice speech.” She finally said. “What’s your point?”
He sighed. “Because whatever your problem is…if Vocal Adrenaline isn’t the cause of it then it’s making it worse.”
She didn’t reply. He was completely wrong, she told herself. Vocal Adrenaline had helped her…they helped her forget.
“Vocal Adrenaline isn’t healthy.” He continued, oblivious to her denial. “Your diet…the emotional abuse…it’s carrying over to everything else in your life, Adelaine. And it’s hurting you.”
Something in her identified with what he was saying, but she shoved it away. “I’m not quitting. I have one semester left and then I graduate. I need the Nationals tile under my belt. UCLA wants me, but I need this to look even better. Okay? So…” She trailed off.
“Fine. I understand, of course. Just…keep in mind what I said. Don’t lose who you are for them. You’re better than that.”
Adelaine broke his gaze. “Right. Can I read now?”
“Sure.”
She opened the book, but the words blurred on the page as his words filled her head instead.
Was Vocal Adrenaline really hurting her that badly?
The intense diet…
She remembered Noah at her house, making her pasta. Eating ice cream with him. All foods not allowed on her diet.
The rigorous rehearsals…
He always made her feel better when the stress from rehearsal built up.
The peer pressure…
But he made her feel like the strongest, most beautiful girl in the world.
And then she was backstage at Sectionals again, staring into his eyes as the rest of Vocal Adrenaline stared at them.
She bit her lip as the regret and pain hit her in a wave, the emotions stronger than she had expected. She had messed up her relationship with him, hurt him…because she was afraid.
Not just of the fact that he loved her. Supposedly.
But of the fact that she knew VA would never approve.
Jesse and Puck could say what they would about her.
When it came down to it…she was nothing more than a coward.