Hand of Blood

Matt's point of view.

Brianne was shuffling her feet as she walked just a little in front of me, which I guessed was her attempt to buy some time. She had been very quiet since we left the bus, and even more so as we got closer to her house. It made me wonder if she was questioning herself about leaving us so soon. Hell, even I was questioning it. This wasn't the right time for her to be on her own, and we all knew that. Brianne seemed stubborn though. I think she took pride in her independence, and she wanted to get through this off her own back. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work like that. We all knew that, too.

I sighed inwardly as Kayla continued to chatter lightly to herself, occasionally gaining a simple mumbled response from me. Kayla's usual way to deal with awkward situations was to talk like there was no tomorrow. Right now, she was proving her point. I just couldn't bring myself to join in, there was too much going on in my head right now. Way too much.

I glanced up as I noticed Brianne was steps were becoming more gradual, and saw her terrace house towering over us. I frowned to myself as I looked away, finding Kayla's eyes fixed on the building in front of us, as Brianne wandered closer to the door. I rolled my eyes as Kayla stood dumbfounded outside the gate, and I made my way past her and across the front garden path.

"Whoa, honey, do you live here alone?" Kayla asked suddenly, her shock evident in her tone. I glanced back over my shoulder, as did Brianne, to see Kayla had finally snapped back to reality. I turned back to Brianne to see a light smile tugging at her lips in amusement. I automatically felt myself smile too, as Brianne shook her head and turned away. She bent down to retrieve what I guessed was a spare key from under the doormat, before she finally responded to Kayla's question.

"I live with my parents," She replied simply as she unlocked the door and lightly pushed it open.

"Oh... They home?" Kayla asked lightly, walking through the gate and along to stand next to me. I saw Brianne pause for a moment before slowly shaking her head. I noticed Kayla bite her lip ring nervously beside me as Brianne slowly walked through her door way, before turning back and leaning against the frame. She seemed to be watching us in confusion, as me and Kayla simply stood watching her from the path.

"Want to come in for a while?" She asked lightly, a soft smile gracing her face. It was fake, but the good intention was there. I glanced down to Kayla beside me, and she returned my questioning look. Was Brianne being polite, or did she actually really want us there? It had to be one or the other, we both knew that. If only we could work it out.

Kayla and I simultaneously looked back up to Brianne, watching us curiously. "Only if you don't mind, honey," Kayla responded lightly, smiling softly at our friend. I added one in too as I inclined my head in agreement, and Brianne returned them as she took a step back.

"Not at all, I'll get changed and then you can have the clothes back," she explained, before wandering into her house completely and out of sight, leaving the door open for me and Kayla to follow. We shared a puzzled glance before quickly wandering after her. Brianne certainly seemed less energetic than usual, but who was I to judge? I had hardly been myself this afternoon either. If she wanted to walk off suddenly, then I suppose that was okay.

As we walked in, closing the door after us, Kayla instantly started looking around and soaking in her environment. My eyes travelled to the bottom of the stairs, where Brianne was leaning on the banister.

"Make yourselves at home," she said lightly, as she disappeared from sight once more. I sighed inwardly and shook my head, turning to the ground before making my way into the front room, Kayla close on my tail. I couldn't help but feel guilt wash over me again. This was Brianne's life, I understood that, but I couldn't help but think it shouldn't be like that. She shouldn't have to stick this out alone. I was a real one to talk, though. It was us that would be leaving her in under two weeks. Just a matter of days, really. I was such a hypocrite.

I wandered over the the sofa and sat down on it heavily, running my fingers through my hair as I leaned back. I sighed deeply and let my eyes roam the ceiling, demons haunting my thoughts. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I got myself into something that I just didn't understand in the slightest. Why was I so stupid to bring Brianne into our lives? I had only made it harder on her. All this shit wouldn't have happened if I hadn't brought her into it.

I glanced sideways as I could see Kayla wandering around out of the corner of my eye. I watched her curiously as she inspected everything, from pictures on the walls, to ornaments and even rummaging through some drawers and cupboards in the front room.

"You're damn nosey, you know that?" I asked lightly, sitting up and resting my elbows on my knees. Kayla turned to me and stuck her tongue out, before wandering over to a dresser and picking up some photo frames.

"Inquisitive, Mattie," she corrected with a grin on her face, as her eyes scanned the picture in her hands. "This her parents?" She added, holding the silver frame in my direction. I straightened up a little as I looked over at it, before nodding.

"Her mum, in any case," I stated as I pulled myself to my feet, Kayla's curiosity slowly growing on me. I wandered next to her and glanced over her shoulder as she turned back to the photograph, nodding to herself.

"Yeah, you can tell by the smile," she agreed, tilting her head at the couple in the photograph.

I narrowed my eyes a little as I looked over the image myself. "Really? I didn't think they looked that similar," I responded lightly, remembering the photograph I had seen in the hall last time I was here.

"Hun are you blind?" Kayla stunted bluntly, gaining a threatening growl from me. Kayla laughed lightly as she put the photo in her hand down and picked up another one, turning around and pushing it in my direction.

"Look," She stated, prodding the frame into my stomach. I raised an eyebrow at her before taking it from her grasp and looking at it closely. It was a picture of a young women and a couple of boys who were a little younger. It looked like a family style photograph, so I guessed it was of siblings, everyone smiling broadly into the camera. Kayla was right, that smile was unmistakable. Definitely just like Brianne's.

"So her mum had her young, huh?" Kayla asked suddenly, causing me to look up at her.

"What?" I asked lightly, frowning at my friend in confusion at her random outburst.

Kayla rolled her eyes and took the frame from my hand and propping it back up on the cabinet. "She doesn't look old, Einstein."

"But it's an old picture, how does that tell anything?" I asked, not having a clue where she was going with this.

"Did you mother purposely drop you on your head at birth?" Kayla asked with a teasing smile on her face, causing me to glare at her. She chuckled before pointing to another picture on the wooden surface. "She's got baby Bri with her there, honey," she explained, the image showing the same young women sitting with a young baby in her arms, that was unmistakeably Brianne. The women looked barely our age, probably even younger. Brianne's age.

"So she grew up with out her Dad around, huh?" Kayla mumbled to herself, setting the picture back down and arranging them back to how they were. "That must have been tough, I couldn't imagine being without mine, you know?" She added, turning back to me and watching me curiously.

"Yeah, maybe," I responded quietly, rubbing the back of my neck lightly as I thought of my own family back home. Both my parents and my sisters. A complete one, you could argue. One that would always be there to support me. They were my security. From what I had seen, Brianne never really had that. In fact, the more I found out about her past, the more I seemed to understand her sometimes odd behavior in the present. She was hiding so much from the world, I think. There were hundreds of little things bottled up that moulded her into who she was.

My attention shot up as Brianne came bouncing into the room, a sunny smile on face. I frowned inwardly as she stopped next to Kayla, and held out the pile of clothes she was holding.

"All done! Thanks for the clothes, Kay," she chirped, smiling lightly. Kayla paused for a moment in confusion, before slowly taking then jeans and top from Brianne's arms. I wasn't the only one who had noticed how odd her sudden change in mood was. She had no reason to put up that mask anymore, but she still insists on it. She was just trying to forget. Always forgetting...

"Thanks, honey," Kayla replied endearingly, her gaze falling away from Brianne's and to the clothes in her hand. She just couldn't keep the contact when she knew it wasn't real. I frowned a little as Brianne's fake smile turned up to me, as I stood just behind Kayla. I weakly returned her smile, noticing she had put my hoodie back on over her own clothes. For some reason, I felt guilty again rather than happy at that action. I should have been thinking how cute it was or something, but I couldn't help but think it was nothing but a security blanket for her.

"You don't mind, do you?" Brianne asked lightly, her smile falling just slightly as she seemed to be able to read my thoughts.

I quickly shook my head, trying to give her a genuine smile to ease her mind. "Not at all," I said honestly, causing her to brighten up instantly. "Are you sure you're gonna stay here now?" I asked timidly, giving her a way out. She could come back to Jays place, and we'd be more than happy to give her a room there.

"Certain," Brianne confirmed, tilting her head at me as her voice grew a little quieter. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

I nodded, noticing her positive mask was quickly falling away. Another thing that was my fault. She knew I wasn't happy with this is in the slightest, and it made her nervous. Well done, me.

"Okay then," I tried, in an attempt to show her it wouldn't bother me. "Just ring if you need anything though, right?"

Brianne watched me for a moment before nodding and smiling lightly. "Sure, Matt," she said softly, before turning her attention back to Kayla. "See you guys soon, then," she started again, as her and Kayla shared a hug.

"You bet, Hun," Kayla replied lightly as she returned Brianne's embrace before stepping back. As Brianne walked up to me again, I noticed Kayla had already quickly made her way out of the room, causing me to frown at her in confusion. Just as she got to the door, she glanced back at me and winked, causing me roll my eyes before I was left alone with Brianne. I sighed inwardly as I glanced down at her, our eyes connecting for a second before she quickly glanced to the ground. I frowned and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"So, we'll-"

"Thank you," Brianne interrupted quickly, making the words still on my lips. I watched her curiously as her deep brown eyes turned up to me, connecting with mine for a moment in the silence, before wandering away again almost shamefully. She was hiding again.

"For what?" I asked slowly, "You don't need to thank me for anything," I added honestly.

I heard Brianne sigh lightly. "Everything, Matt. I don't know what would have happened if you guys hadn't..." She started, before her words suddenly cut of as they caught in her throat. I frowned deeply as I heard the crack in her tone, telling me all I needed to know. She was holding back tears again, just like she always does. Refusing to show weakness.

I shook my head to myself before I reached forward and wrapped my arms tightly around Brianne, pulling her into my body. After a moment her arms snaked back around me, clinging to the back of my shirt as she hid her face in my chest. I could feel her breathing shaking lightly as her heart beat furiously in her chest. I bowed my head into the crook of her neck and held her closer.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked softly, feeling her body tense under my words as they slid down the back of her neck. I frowned as Brianne vigorously shook her head, as I raised my head again to look down on her.

"Brianne..." I sighed lightly, raising one hand to stroke her hair lightly. I felt her move back suddenly, my arm falling away again to rest on her back.

"Matt, seriously, I'm fine. You've done so much for me already," she mumbled, finally keeping eye contact with me. Her eyes were shimmering from tears that she refused to let fall. "Just, drop it, yeah?" She requested, her eyes falling away from mine again. I frowned as I moved the hair away from her face and lightly kissed her forehead.

"Like I said, phone me for anything," I replied simply, deciding that I would 'drop it' as she so desperately wanted. All I could do was agree to her wishes. What else was there to do?

Brianne gave me a small nod and a light smile. I returned it weakly before hugging her tightly again and finally reluctantly letting go. I knew this was her way of handling things, and no matter how much I disagreed with it, I couldn't interfere. She wanted to do this on her own.

"Talk soon, then," I mumbled quietly, causing Brianne to nod silently once more. I frowned a little as she walked me back to the door, her gaze wandering the ground as she did so. I sighed inwardly as I stepped out of the doorway and onto the cement steps outside, glancing back at Brianne's quiet form. She smiled to me in response, before softly closing the door and blocking her from view. I shook my head to myself as I slowly started walking back down the path, knowing I was leaving all my thoughts behind. My mind was stuck on her.

As I approached Kayla, sitting against the front garden wall, she smiled up at me sadly. "Ready to go?" She asked lightly, tilting her head at me. I glanced back at Brianne's house before returning my gaze to Kayla's. She knew the real answer, but I lied anyway. I wasn't strong enough to fight for my side in staying with Brianne, or even just to admit it. I really was a fuck-up.

"Yeah, let's get back," I replied quietly, still scolding myself for being so weak. She nodded at me before pulling herself up from the wall and starting off down the street. I bowed my head as I followed her, keeping my gaze on the ground as we started the walk back to Jay's house. It felt like I was leaving every part of me behind, and I was regretting second of it.

Brianne's point of view.

I softly shut the door behind me, thankful to be out of Matt's burning gaze. I couldn't stand that sad look I can see every time our eyes meet. It makes me think I'm doing everything wrong. I know I'm doing everything wrong, but I can't help that.

I closed my eyes as I leaned back against the door, slowly sliding down to the floor, my knees against my chest. I wrapped my arms around myself as i bowed my head to my chest, my eyes settling on the hoodie that I was still wearing. Matt's hoodie. I smiled to myself as I hugged it tightly around me, breathing it in. I could still smell that purple shower gel on it, mixed with some form of aftershave, and just a hint of alcohol. They somehow mixed together perfectly to create Matt, and that strangely made me feel safe. It was something I don't think I had ever felt from another person before. No one else in the world had ever made me feel safe like he did. Like any of the guys did.

I knew I shouldn't be on my own at the moment, not really, but I had made that choice. I couldn't depend on Matt, or Kayla, or anyone else. After all, just a few weeks ago I wouldn't have, and in a few more I'll be alone again. I'll have to fight for myself just like always. There was some part of regret in that; I didn't want them to leave. At the same time, I didn't want to have met them to start with, to save me all this trouble. Then again, I wouldn't want to have been without them.

I sighed as I folded my arms across my knees, setting my head down on the soft material covering my skin. It felt like millions of thoughts were swimming through my head, and they were becoming harder to control. I was confusing what could have been with what really happened. What I have left and what I have to do. What I want and what I need. Somehow, they were all blurring at the edges, and making it hard to make the right choices; to think straight about just what I was going to do with my life now. All I had left was to just sit back and watch the world pass around me, hoping that somewhere I would find something that would make sense to me. Hope that something would make all this work out right.