Hand of Blood

It was two in the morning, from what I could gather. That was based on the fact I could barely read the time on my mobile phone, due to how my eyes weren't focusing all that well. It would be correct to say I was well and truely wasted. I sighed loudly as I laid my head back lazily on the sofa, considering I was sitting on the floor with my back to it, and examined the music room I hadn't left all evening.

Moose was passed out on the floor at the back of the room, snoring lightly and hugging onto one of the cymbals that Jay had removed from the drum kit earlier. Moose had naturally become very defencive over the idea of using it for indoor frisbee, much to Matt and Jay's dismay, and had clung to it for the rest of the night, while deciding to protect the rest of the kit.

I glanced behind me, to where Matt was lying stretched out on the sofa, mentally somewhere in between being asleep and awake. Sparko was one way of putting it. Padge and Kayla, as guessed, hadn't made a reappearance all evening, and were probably upstairs, out cold and naked. That was just an assumption, though, but I didn't doubt it was somewhere near to the truth. Jay had also disappeared about an hour ago into the kitchen. I had come to the decision that he had raided the fridge for any last bits of alcohol he could find, and died of liver failure.

I snorted to myself at the thought, before taking a long drink from the jager bottle I had stolen from Matt when he had stated to doze off. I was so far gone, that any alcohol I was consuming didn't seem to effect me anymore, and neither did I notice it. Much like my premonition of Jay with a saturated liver, passed out on the kitchen floor, there was not a single cell in my body that wasn't intoxicated. It had been a long time since I had felt like this, and I wasn't sure whether it was a good thing, or a bad thing. I knew I'd be dead by the time I woke up next, but I honestly hadn't not cared about anything in so long. I hadn't felt so free from life and all it's troubles in ages. The sign of a good night, I thought.

Bringing the glass bottle to my lips once more, I downed the rest of the liquor and let the empty container fall to the floor beside me. I sighed again as my eyes explored the room, looking for something to do as I wasn't ready to let my mind give up on me just yet. These guys were all too weak for my liking, when it came to staying conscious after excessive drinking. I was still yet to meet someone with my stamina, even with the cider.

I blinked a few times and tilted my head as my eyes settled on a pile of sheets tucked away in the corner of the room nearest to me, beside an amp. I slowly leaned forward and fell onto my hands and knees, before crawling over to what had suddenly caught my attention. I smiled as I towered over the music sheets, proud that my eyes were not deceiving me, before I glanced back at Matt still very much out of it on the sofa. I reached forward and grabbed the black marker pen from on top of the paper, before pulling myself to my feet and wandering back over to my sleeping friend. The amount of drunken stories I had heard from these guys, about drawing on each other while they were drunk, had inspired me.

I watched Matt curiously for a moment as I worked out how I was going to go about this. After some careful consideration, I timidly approached him as slowly and gently as I could, when taking into account how much more difficult it was to control my limbs now. I bit my lip as I set one of my knees on the edge of the sofa, gradually swinging the other over as I held onto the back of the chair for support. I quickly shuffled my other leg into the gap between Matt's body and the back of the sofa, while keeping my other one on it's edge. After an awkward couple of minutes, I had managed to successfully straddle Matt's stomach without disturbing him and while keeping myself quite comfortable in the process. Now ready to start my master plan, I grinned to myself as I pulled the lid off of the marker, and slowly lowered my body down closer to Matt's, my eyes transfixed with his face.

After a few moments passed, I was still sitting motionless on Matt, the pen ready to go as it hovered beside his skin. For the life of me, I couldn't think of a single thing to draw on his face. Lines and words seemed too simple. Actual images seemed too complex. I pursed my lips as I watched him dazed, in my own frustration. No matter what I did, it simply wouldn't look right, at least not in my minds eye.

Admitting defeat and lacking creativity, I sat back as I returned the cap to the pen, before throwing it grudgingly across the floor. I set my hands on my hips as I looked back down on Matt, his expression obviously blank as his eyes darted beneath their lids. After watching him a little longer and realising he wasn't going to wake up the more I stared at him, I sighed and slowly pulled myself off of the sofa again, collapsing heavily back to the floor beside it. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them close to me as I glanced around the dark, silent room. The only light that I had was streaming in from the front window, produced by street lamps. If the curtains were closed, I would have been in perfect darkness.

I glanced to the side as I heard the unmistakable sound of shuffling feet wandering into the room. My eyes literally lit up as my eyes rested on someone wandering in from the kitchen, ecstatic that I wasn't alone in the waking world. It literally felt like a buzz.

"Jay!" I exclaimed as he stumbled further into the room, my voice a lot louder than I had intended it to be. I quickly slammed my hands across my mouth at my out burst, starting to giggle at myself as Jay glanced up and grinned at me widely, probably convinced he was the last one awake too.

He bought a finger up to his lips as he laughed at my uncontrollable giggles that I had caught. "Shh!" He hissed at me, chuckles breaking through his voice. I kept my hands fixed to my face as I glanced back timidly at Matt, to find he hadn't even stirred. I was thankful I hadn't woken him up prematurely from his alcohol induced sleep. I knew how nasty that could be.

I bit hard on my bottom lip as I slowly moved my hands away from my face, in an attempt to suppress any more sounds from escaping my lips. Jay silently laughed at me, before mouthing some words to me instead of attempting to speak quietly. I looked on blankly at him, as my lip reading skills completely failed me. This seemed to result in Jay laughing a little harder, as he wandered across to where I was sitting and held out a hand to me. I looked up at it for a moment, before slowly moving my hand into his and allowing him to tug me up onto my feet. I was a little unstable, but Jay placed a hand on my back to keep me in place as I regained my balance.

"C'mon!" He hissed down to me as he guided me through the room and back across to the kitchen. I giggled quietly again as I obliged, realising it made a lot more sense for us to get away from the ones who were asleep. We'd only end up disturbing them and that could get messy, especially a grumpy Moose. I didn't even want to think about it.

We finally managed to tumble into the small, brightly lit kitchen, and Jay softly closed the door behind us. I wandered absently across to the work top and pulled myself up onto it, accidentally knocking some JD bottles off the side on the process. My eyes widened as they clattered loudly against the floor, my attempts to catch them in complete vain. As the room fell silent again, Jay looked at me in suprise. I didn't take long before we had both broke out into laughter again.

"Sound proofing!" I announced proudly, my drunken mind hoping it worked both ways. In reality, I honestly didn't think it did.

"Sound proofing," Jay confirmed loudly with a wide grin, as he sauntered over to the worktop beside me, leaning against it. I smiled down at him proudly as I started kicking my legs back and forth childishly.

"Uh, so what did you say?" I slurred slightly as I tapped Jay on the shoulder, gaining his attention that was on my legs. I pursed my lips a little and jumped down from the counter, so they weren't so easy to stare at.

"Huh?" Jay replied dumbly as he looked into my face, frowning at me. I paused as I thought about what the hell I was talking about, before I remembered.

"A second ago. What did you say?" I asked again, my voice unstable as my mouth struggled to form words.

Jay looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I can't remember," he replied dumbly, our drunken conversation not making any progress. I started giggling none the less at his odd expression, leaning up against Jay's shoulder as I felt him start to laugh too.

"I do know something though," Jay stated when he stopped laughing, nudging me in the side.

I lent my chin on Jay's shoulder as I looked up at him. "And what's that, Jay-Jay?" I asked sweetly, making him grin down at me.

"Matt is such a fucking idiot," he explained bluntly, still chuckling, and making my expression instantly drop in surprise. I suddenly took a step back away from Jay and scowled at him, folding my arms across my chest, his words instantly getting to me. He said them so harshly, like he actually meant them. They actually hurt me a little, though I wasn't certain why.

"He is not, shut the fuck up," I defended quickly, glaring at Jay. He seemed to still find it amusing, though, which fueled my sudden anger towards him.

"He is, Bri," he scoffed, glancing away from me. "Because you are so unbelievable hot and he's not doing a damn thing!"

My eyes narrowed further. "And what's that got to do with anything? That doesn't make him an idiot," I snapped back, though everything I said and done seemed to roll off of Jay's drunken shell. He became even more thick skinned with intoxication, it seemed, which I had to say was the side of him I hated. I had a lot of respect for Jay, but right now it was all going out the window.

"Oh, so that means what exactly?" Jay shot back at me, turning on me a little. "You're very protective of him, eh? You love our Mattie boy, then?" He questioned, smirking at me knowingly.

I gritted my teeth tightly together as I turned to face him. "Of course I don't. Don't be ridiculous, Jay," I scolded quietly, although my attempts to use longer words ended up in me slurring, which took away their serious edge.

"Good," he stated lightly, glancing away from me, his composure completely changing. I tilted my head as I watched Jay, suddenly extremely passive and calm. I paused for a moment as I allowed my own tense body to relax. The thickening atmosphere had suddenly lightened considerably, all in one drunken second.

"G-good," I confirmed lightly, sighing to myself as I lent back against the worktops. Man that was an odd five minutes. "Uhm, why is it good again?" I added, puzzled as I glanced to Jay beside me. A light smile inched onto his lips before he turned to me. Every single bit of aggression he had had previously had completely disappeared, replaced by a much softer appearance.

"Because otherwise, I couldn't do this," he stated with a shrug, making me watch him in further confusion.

"Do... Do what-" I started to ask, only to have my words cut off suddenly, and I swear my consciousness momentarily blacked out. My eyes widened as the next thing I saw was Jay moving back a second later, my mind not completely registering what had stopped my words. One second I had been talking, the next I wasn't. One minute Jay was in perfect focus, the next he blurred. One moment he was watching the opposite wall, and now he was watching me. Did he just kiss me?

"J-Jay?" I questioned as I noticed how close he still was to me. His eyes locked with mine as he didn't move or respond, and it was the oddest thing. I didn't feel a thing apart from intrigue. Not another single emotion. Not anger for what he had done, or confusion as to why. I was just blank and in a state of disbelief, not certain whether my mind was playing tricks on me.

"Bri," he replied quietly, his voice smooth and drawing me in, before I saw him slowly leaning closer to me again. And I didn't do a single thing about it. I stood in my state of shock as Jay lightly pressed his lips against mine for the second time. After a moment, my own actions confused me even more than his did. I kissed him back.

The taste of Jack Daniels smothered me as we remained tied together. It didn't take a second before I felt Jay's fingertips lightly resting on my jaw line, before slowly trailing down to my neck. No matter how tender the contact was, it still felt ever so robotic. I didn't react to it in the slightest; it just was. Jay was kissing me, holding me, and that was it. There was no emotional connection there what so ever, and I could honestly say I had never experienced something quite so strange. It wasn't like Matt.

Matt. The second I thought of him, his face flickered to life behind my closed eye lids, and that was when I finally felt something I couldn't quite explain. But it was painful as hell. It was wrong.

"What... ?" I heard Jay mumble quietly, his breath falling over my face. My thoughts had been so distracted, I hadn't even realised his lips were no longer against mine. I hadn't even realised his calloused fingers were delicately running across my upper arms beneath my tshirt sleeves.

My eyes widened as it hit me, and my attention snapped down to the spot where Jay was diligently inspecting the indents on my skin with his finger tips. I instantly tried to back away, but he moved before I did and turned to physically look down on my arm. I stood motionless, half turned away and half still facing Jay, as his eyes carefully travelled over the white scars creating patterns across the skin.

My breath was caught in my throat and I swear my heart had stopped beating. I'd messed up again. One more slip up, and now Jay was the one to slip under my radar, just like Alex had. But this really was it now. This time I'd really been caught.

"... What are these?" Jay asked timidly, his gaze turning up to meet with mine. My teeth clamped down on my bottom lip tightly as I couldn't tear myself away from his gaze. He honestly didn't know, but I had no decent excuse. I just couldn't make one up. I couldn't think.

"Bri?" He pushed, standing back up to his full height as I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes. My mind was screaming at me to do something, to move, to get away, but at that precise moment I couldn't. The alcohol had me rooted the the spot, but I could feel myself sobering up fast.

That's when it hit me again, hard and fast as his face sprung back into my mind. Matt. What the hell was I going to tell him now? How was I going to get out of this? What would he think of me? I could feel myself starting to panic as strength returned to my limbs and I slowly started backing away from Jay. Confusion flickered through his eyes as he started to walk towards me, and that's when I finally snapped. That's when I turned and ran, with Jay's voice shouting after me. I had to get out of here. I had to get away. I had to hide.