Hand of Blood

Matt's point of view

I remained pretty much silent as I continued wandering through the small alleys around Jay's house, carrying around the cases that we'd need for the tour to the bus. The whole band had been at it for almost half an hour, and there was still a hell of a lot of stuff to go. We hadn't even started on the instruments yet.

"Hey! Will you watch it? Those are my spare strings," Jay complained, my gaze raising to see him sauntering out of the alley and into the car park. I rose an eyebrow as I glanced back down to the small black case I had just thrown carelessly down with the rest of the luggage. Sure enough, the word 'Jay' was sprawled across the material in bold, white lettering. It was odd how you miss the most obvious things sometimes.

"Uh, sorry?" I mumbled blankly as I turned back to my band mate. His scowl softened just slightly, still there though not looking quite so harsh.

"Yeah yeah, Tuck, just watch it," he said as he strode across beside me, throwing the rather large case he had been supporting in both arms into the bus. He straightened up again and sent me a half smile, before patting me on the shoulder and making his way back through the alleys. I sighed inwardly as I watched him. I appreciated his little show of concern, but to be honest, it felt wrong. They had no good reason to walk on egg shells around me. It wasn't like someone had died.

I ran my fingers through my hair roughly before making my own way back to the house. I passed Padge on the way who smiled at me shortly, that kind of reassuring 'every things going to be okay' smile. Seriously, the egg shell thing? It was getting right on my nerves.

I sighed loudly as I strode into the house, ignoring the cases piled up in the already tiny hall and going into the music room. I was met by the sight of yet more cases, which brought to my attention just how we were going to fit this all in one bus. We needed an extra trailer or something, at least.

I collapsed down onto the nearest sofa heavily, throwing my legs up to rest on one of the cases that was conveniently within leg reach. I leaned back and ran my fingers down my face, feeling like I was going insane. It had only been two days, and already everything was driving me crazy. Everyone was depressed as fuck, and it wasn't helping anyone.

"Aw, cheer up Mattie," Kayla cooed, my head rolling to the side to see her wandering in from the kitchen. In the past couple of days, Kayla had taken it upon herself to ensure there was no food left in the cupboards when we left. She currently appeared to be going through the cereal boxes.

"I know," I replied simply, throwing her a weak smile as she sat down beside me on the sofa. Kayla took a spoonful of the mix of cereals she had in her bowl, before looking thoughtful.

"The guys are getting to you, huh?" She said, catching me a little off guard. "Padge was saying, he's just concerned ya know? If he had to leave me at home he'd be all-"

I couldn't help but scoff. "If Padge left you? How is it the same, Kay," I started, not visibly seeing how Padge could make that comparison. On the other hand, it did help to enlighten me on how the other guys were thinking. I know for certain that I'd be behaving like that towards our guitarist if he had just abandoned his girlfriend for a tour. I paused at the thought. Abandoned. Is that really what I had done?

Kayla pointed her spoon at me somewhat threateningly. "Don't start that shit, Tuck. You were meant to be and you know it," she said bluntly, and quite aggressively, before turning back to her cereal. I watched her wide eyed for a moment before deciding not to question. I turned my attention to the opposite side of the room, resting my hands on my stomach as I listened to the other guys coming in and out of the front door.

"You can't lie about it, Matt," she added suddenly, her tone brighter. "I did see you two whenever you were together you know, I'm not blind. Oh, and that night outside the club. A little obvious, don't you think?" She rambled on confidently, making me smile fondly to myself at the thought.

"Yeah, maybe," I sighed lightly, turning my head to look back at Kayla, setting her now empty bowl on the floor. She paused as our gaze met, her eyebrows knitting together as she slowly returned to sitting upright. A smile crept at the edge of her lips, turning into a lopsided smirk.

"You've kissed her, haven't you?" She asked devilishly, her eyes glowing. I looked at her in question, wondering how she came to such a random deduction. "Matt, you're biting your lip like a god damn child, I think I would know," she explained, in response to my blank look. My expression instantly dropped as she provided me with her evidence, which I honestly didn't understand. I was biting my lip?

I turned away again. "You said it yourself, you saw us outside the club," I said with a light shrug, unable to hide my small smile. Kayla squealed as she crawled across the sofa, pulling herself up onto her knees beside me and instantly making me laugh. Only Kayla could present a herself in such a way that still made me feel like a teenager talking about their first crush.

"Yeah but Mattie, that was just like a peck, that wasn't a kiss," she said in a matter of fact tone, resting her hands on her hips. "So spill, what have you been up to with our innocent little Bri, eh?"

My eyes grew wide as I turned to her. "Nothing!" I defended quickly.

"Matt, you're a sly dog!" Kayla chimed with a grin, crawling ever closer to me. "How many times? Hell, when?"

"What?!" I exclaimed, genuinely in shock. "Kay I'm not going into this," I added, looking at my friend like she was a mad woman as I felt the blush start to rise in my cheeks.

"Aha!" She announced proudly. "So you have kissed her after that night!" Kayla cried, leaving me completely dumbfounded. She giggled as she bounced into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck as her legs spread straight out over the rest of the sofa. "You are just too adorable, honey," she cooed, poking my nose and making me scowl at her.

I sighed inwardly as Kayla giggled. "C'mon, isn't this what best friends are for? You gotta tell me everything, Mattie," she persisted, that devilish look not fading from her eyes. She had a point, but I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. I was quite sure the way guys talk about love interests and the way girls do were quite a different matter. Kayla somehow seemed to bring out that more necessary, sensitive side to me, though, instead of the one when you just try to make yourself sound more impressive than you were. Jay was most guilty of that when he talked about his many 'accomplishments.'

"L-like what?" I managed to ask eventually, stumbling over my words as I heard the front door open and close again. If only one of the guys would walk in now, it could either be my escape route or just plain awkward.

"Ow, I don't know, use your imagination," Kayla said as she placed a finger on her chin thoughtfully. "I mean, I have no idea what you two were actually getting up to in all those times alone. Like before the leaving party, the next day even! Or when you took her home..." Kayla said, her grin growing as she leaned into me. "You weren't home until the early hours of the morning, mister."

My eyes grew wide as Kayla seemed to reel off moments so easily, almost as if she had actually mentally noted every one. "Hey, nothing happened when I took her home," I said firmly, though my mind couldn't help but stray a bit. If our circumstances were different...

"Except some outrageous flirting, and the odd move, right?" Kayla asked lightly, breaking my thoughts.

"Yes, except for- What, no Kay!" I scolded as soon as I realised my obedient droning wasn't working in my favour. I pouted at her stubbornly as she laughed proudly.

"And Mattie, you are possibly the most obvious flirt in the world," Kayla added, still giggling to herself.

I gasped at her. "How am I?!"

Kayla snorted as she tried to hold back her amusement. "All those intense looks, the protectiveness, the playfulness... It all shows loud and clear, Hun," she said easily. "And don't forget you can't keep your hands off her, but at the same time you try to make it as least obvious as possible," she added, winking at me. "And then there's the whole Jay wars that were always bad to begin with but have got worse... Oh, and how many of your jackets does she have now.. ?"

"Okay, okay I get it!" I cried suddenly, before Kayla could really sink her teeth into the subject. I knew she could keep going all day. Kayla giggled again as she slid from my lap, falling out over the rest of the sofa and looking back down on me.

"So, three in the morning?" She inquired, making me roll my eyes.

"Brianne was upset, understandably, so we just sat around and watched TV, and I hadn't realised how late it had got. By the time it had, she had fallen asleep, and by the time I got the courage to wake her up, it was a lot later than I planned on coming back," I explained bluntly, making Kayla grin at me knowingly as she laid back and poked my leg with her foot.

"And you woke her up with a kiss, right?" Kayla said, making my expression drop. "Possibly a few feather ones, maybe a light peck on the lips..."

I could have sworn my jaw hit the floor as she said it. "Do you fucking follow me with a camera?!" I exclaimed suddenly, my eyes wide as my friend laughed triumphantly.

"No, it's just the most lovey dovey, cutest possible thing ever," she said with a shrug. "And it's something you would so do. I wish Padge did some times. He just bloody pokes me..."

I grinned at her as she rambled off into her own world. "I'll drop it into conversation."

Kayla chuckled. "Please do, Hun," she sighed lightly, rubbing her temples while she closed her eyes, with that smile still faintly on her lips. The silence the followed surprised me. I was almost sure that it was going to lead into a full assault on every aspect of what little relationship Brianne and I had. Apparently Kayla had been struck with something much more interesting to think about, in turn leaving me to my own thoughts. I have to say, they weren't welcomed.

After a good five minutes of painful silence on my part, with only the scuffled sound of the band wandering in an out of the hall, I started twisting my fingers together in my lap as my gaze timidly rose to meet with Kayla. This was the best girl friend that I had ever had, and the one who was deeply in love with another good friend of mine, as had just been pointed out. The question playing in my head seemed appropriate somehow.

"Hey, Kay?" I asked nervously, my voice cracking slightly. I quickly cleared my throat as her attention lazily set on me, a smile creeping on her lips as she noted my change in tone.

"Yes, Romeo?" She asked softly, obviously reading what my thoughts were going to be based on. I exhaled heavily as I turned my position on the sofa so I was facing my friend, my gaze flickering around the room to check we were alone. This was a little weird for me; even more so than all the stuff before. This was real girl stuff.

"Uh, you know like... Kissing, when you, yeah," I started a little uncertainly, feeling like an embarrassed school boy. This really wasn't the time. "I mean, uh. Has it ever, you know, been kind of amazing?" I rambled quickly, my eyes falling down to my almost pure white knuckles. Kayla's reaction wasn't quite what I was expecting. She was still oddly silent. I timidly looked up to see her smiling at me like an idiot, her teeth firmly attached to her lip ring.

"Oh my god honey, you are so adorable," she breathed, standing up. "... You mean something that feels just like sex, minus the orgasm and plus a hell of a lot of feelings you can't quite place a word to, but feel like some kind of heaven to you... Maybe with some weed thrown in minus the hallucinations?" She reeled off quickly, making my eyes widen.

"Yes," I stated bluntly. Kayla grinned widely as she wandered across to me, standing opposite me. She leaned over so her face was close to mine, that Cheshire cat smile never lifting as her gaze fixed with mine.

"That, my dear Mattie, is something that you aren't likely to find anywhere else," she whispered, poking my nose before standing back up and sending me a suggestive look.

"What, really? Hey, where are you going?!" I called as I sat up quickly, Kayla smoothly picking up her bowl from the floor and wandering back across to the kitchen. She waved me off as she disappeared from sight, making me huff childishly to myself. This conversation had started out looking to be quite insightful, but it was getting me more confused than ever. Apparently Kayla had got all she wanted from it, while I was left hanging.

I shook my head slowly as I fell back against the sofa, my scowl burning into the wall opposite me. I couldn't help it. It was almost permanently etched into my face. I knew I should probably get back to packing the bus up, but right now I couldn't be bothered. Did I want to sit in this same spot and wish my life away a little longer? Like hell I did.

"And for the record? You should have brought Bri back," Kayla announced as she wandered into the room again, her tone suddenly bitter. She folded her arms across her chest, shifting her weight onto one leg as she stood beside the sofa, showing me all the attitude she possessed. I frowned to myself, her mood once again up and down in a split second. That was the strain of this all getting to her. Everyone else dealt with it by being nicer to each other, Kayla dealt with it by being more of a yo-yo than usual, and me? Well, I wasn't sure I was dealing with it.

I sighed as I thought over Kayla's words because in all honestly, I wanted to just that; I wanted Brianne to come back with us, but life doesn't work out like that. Brianne lives at home, with her parents. Granted she doesn't exactly get along with them, but it didn't change that fact. She couldn't just up and leave. She wouldn't. That's the way it goes. Out of my control.

"But I guess, what's the worse that could happen, right?" She added blankly in a monotone. "Try and look on the bright side Mattie, it wasn't like I said it would be impossible to find that feeling anywhere else. Just, ya know, really, really unlikely," she finished with a shrug as she sauntered from the room and into the hall, making my frown deepen. I knew those words were intended to comfort me, no matter how little, but they done the complete opposite instead. Kayla had no idea what was 'the worse that could happen.' I wasn't even sure I did.

I sighed as I slid further down on the sofa, running my fingers through my hair as I could hear the front door opening and closing once more. Again to be left with my thoughts in a house full of all sorts of memories. I really never thought we'd ever make it out of this place, and to be honest I didn't care either way at the time. Now, something in me was slightly regretting this big break of ours. Now I actually cared where the hell we were in the world. Wasn't that just the way it always went?

My head shot to the side as I heard the door open again from the hall, my hands quickly falling to land on my legs as I tried to look as casual as possible. I probably looked more like a deer in the headlights to Jay, who had poked his head around the door and was watching me curiously. After a moment a weak smile crept on his lips.

"Hey, you okay man?" He asked sincerely, making my whole body freeze as my jaw tensed. It was those mother fucking egg shells again.

I quickly pulled myself to my feet, storming across to him. "What the hell is with you, I'm fucking fine!" I started, my comments starting off quite serious but quickly fading into sarcasm. "Why wouldn't I be!? What's there to be stressed or angry about in this place? Hey? Any ideas Jason?!" I boomed louder than I intended, visibly startling the bass player. "Jesus," I breathed, as I stood beside the open doorway, my gaze wandering the room as I placed my hands on my waist.

Jay paused for a second to collect his thoughts. "So that's a no, then?"

I rolled my eyes as I sighed, before I lightly grasped Jay by the shoulders, turned him around, and pushed him towards the front door, fully with the intention of getting back to work with the bus. "Yes, that's a no."