Hand of Blood

Brianne's point of view.

My room was oddly silent for once, considering I had voted against putting on any music. That, in itself, was miraculous on my part but it seemed appropriate, or at least what I should do. Music didn't fit my mood right now, because for once I didn't have one. I felt strangely blank. I pursed my lips lightly as I fluffed my hair up again, looking over myself in the full length mirror for the hundredth time, to try and make myself as presentable as possible. My clothes weren't ruffled or creased, my makeup wasn't smudged or overdone, and my hair was perfect. If anything, I looked like I had been looking after myself a little too much, but that would be fine. I supposed my mother wouldn't notice either way.

I sighed sadly as I climbed onto my bed, sitting on my knees and turning my attention back to the magazine resting on the sheets. My eyes travelled over my mobile briefly, only to snap back to the page full of rock stars staring back at me. Which ever way I seemed to look these days, all I could think of was the guys. Everything reminded me of them, whether it was supposed to or not. That phone wasn't mine, it was in fact Moose's. That Jackson guitar in the picture was regretfully the same as Matt's. I wondered how long it would be before I would see those four faces in the music magazines, rather than just pieces of memorabilia of my own.

I shuffled backwards against the headboard, pulling the magazine into my lap as I flicked through it, not really paying any attention to the words. My eyes couldn't help but flicker back to the small mobile on my bedside table, a slight air of panic in the pit of my stomach. I could call them and leave now, and no one would notice I was gone. I could get away from whatever was returning after this long month without a second glance. But would that really be it? Would I not look back? Surely if that was the case, I wouldn't still be here. I wouldn't give this place a second thought when the offer was there. It had always been there, after all.

My whole body jumped suddenly, the magazine falling out of my light grip, as a familiar sound penetrated the whole house. Someone, who was incredibly heavy handed with their key, had just opened the front door. My heart was suddenly in my throat as I listened out into my interrupted silence, waiting for the sounds to die down and for me to be alone again. I knew it wasn't just my imagination, though, but wishful thinking does things to you. Loud bangs of the heavy suitcases being dropped in the hall all too clear for it to not be happening.

I bit my lip as I collected my thoughts, my eyes quickly scanning the room before I tumbled off of my bed, leaving the magazine discarded. As I stumbled across to my door, I paused and looked back over my mobile one last time. It was odd, but the notion of ringing the guys even now and escaping through my bedroom window was hammering at my thoughts. A ridiculous thought, granted, but it was still there. Fear does funny things to people.

Shaking my head roughly, I took one last deep breath before forcing myself out of my door and into the upstairs hall. Technically, I had no choice now. The only way I could move was forward. A familiar hurried yet light tone talking to herself from the ground floor was only making my teeth tighten on my lower lip. It was all too real to be true.

I timidly started down the stairs, taking one slow step at a time. My eyes fell curiously onto the slim, middle age women maneuvering cases around the hall and arranging them so they could be walked around easily. The person I had been taught to call mother. I noticed her pause for a second, before she slowly straightened up and looked over at me, still mid way down the stairs. Our eyes locked for a second before something odd happened. She smiled.

"Oh Brianne, dear, for a moment I thought you were out or something," she called up cheerfully, completely turning her attention to me and ignoring the cases scattered around her. My eyes widened slightly in surprise, my whole body still frozen as my hand firmly clutched the banister to keep me stable. That was certainly not the reception I was expecting.

I blinked quickly a few times, realising she was waiting for a response. "Uhm, no?" I tried pathetically, at a loss for words. My mothers smile grew as she nodded to herself, before returning to tugging at a particularly large case.

"Well that's good then, I'm glad," she said softly, voice wrapped in warmth. "Can you help me with this, dear?"

Too confused to question, I quickly jumped rest of the stairs in a few steps and took to my mothers side. I obediently took the case she was struggling with and pushed it further down the hall, making room for the last couple that were probably still in the car. I heard a content sigh from behind me once it was in place, and glanced back at my mother.

"So, how have you been, Brianne?" She asked lightly, eyes shining at me again. I froze as I suddenly realised I didn't have a simple answer for that question. I had been great. I had been terrible. I had met the most amazing people that I ever had before, and I had also been attacked and in a handful of arguments. At that moment I worked out this really hadn't been an average month. I couldn't tell her that, though.

"F-fine, really. And... You?" I asked back politely, after stammering out my mediocre lie. Mixing the good with the bad, I had been fine.

My mother beamed at me. "That's good. Oh you know, it was lovely," she said lightly, resting her hands on her hips. "And why are you standing there, honey?" She asked with a chuckle, before holding her arms out to me. I hesitated for a moment before walking slowly over to her, to be enveloped in a short yet tight hug. I was far too shocked to return it. Something didn't feel right. It felt like how things used to be, and that was before Spencer came along. When it used to be just me and her. Things were so much nicer, back then...

"Brianne, have you lost weight?" Mother asked critically as we stood apart, her hands lightly resting on my arms as she looked quizzically at me. I frowned a little, not knowing how she would have even noticed if I had. It wasn't like she had been this close to me in over a couple of months.

"Maybe a little," I mumbled, glancing down at my body. Maybe the rations for the past two weeks had done something to me, though I didn't notice it myself. You can't possibly lose weight that quickly, can you?

Both of us turned simultaneously as the door was pushed open, the midday light streaming into the hall. I swallowed hard as the shadow in the doorway turned into the very real form of Spencer. I watched over him curiously as he swaggered in, mentally waiting for something. Some off comment or look. Something that told me he hated every cell in my body. Anything.

His usual hard gaze met with mine for a split second, in which he inclined his head in greeting before looking away again. The next thing I knew he had picked up one of the heavy cases in the hall and had started trudging up the stairs with it. I swear my body went completely numb. He didn't say a single thing to me. Barely being acknowledged wasn't something I was used to. None the less, it was a whole lot better than the abuse.

I slowly turned back to my mother, who still had that bright smile plastered across her lips. She seemed so happy. Genuinely happy to see me, and to be home. When had that happened? Was I happy that something changed?

"So, why don't we go sit down, Bri?" She started brightly, patting my arm and directing me towards the lounge. "We ended up using the camera film up in the first week, so there are lots of photos!" She added with a chuckle as she picked up her hand bag from beside her feet, containing what I guessed would be the photographs.

"Oh, yeah, sure..." I mumbled quickly, shooting her the best smile I could produce for a second before I shuffled into the living room. I noticed her own smile grew just slightly at my response before following after me. I was still feeling numb from the impact of it all. This still couldn't be right.

"You kept the house tidy? That was good of you," Mother continued as we walked into the spotless room. The last time she had left it, it had been a battle ground of broken ornaments and glass. She couldn't possibly have forgotten that. If she had, she was a much luckier person than I was. I remembered every single fight that had happened in this whole house.

"Yeah, I did..." I trailed lightly as I timidly sat down on the sofa. Mother instantly sat down beside me, her dark brown hair bouncing in it's light curls as she did so. I tilted my head as I watched her pull the small bag onto her lap and start to rummage through it. I hadn't noticed, but she looked so much more full of life than when she had left. Her tan made her radiant, while her dark blue eyes seemed to clear. Maybe this holiday had been good for all of us after all; I had learnt a lot from not going, and they had done the same by leaving. Maybe.

A fleeting smile set on my lips as she pulled the small paper wallet from the bag and discarding it back onto the floor. Mother's cheerful gaze met back with mine before the light in her eyes faded lightly. I frowned back in response as she looked concerned.

"What's wrong, Brianne? Did something happen?" She asked suddenly, making my eyes widen.

"Not at all!" I said quickly, shaking my head firmly. "I just... It's nothing," I said lightly, smiling back at her as best I could. She tilted her head before returning my smile, all the warmth she had radiating from that one look.

"Well, okay," she said, shuffling sideways towards me as she took out the large pack of photographs and started flicking through them. "Oh! Look at this one. The beach was so beautiful, I had almost forgotten it!"

My gaze flickered between mother and the photo being held my way, before I timidly took hold of the card. I looked down curiously of the picture of a perfect, golden beach, the sun beating down from the clear blue sky. I had never seen anything quite like it. It was like something you only found in those holiday brochures, that have been edited to make the destination look ten times better than it really did. But this did look amazing.

In the center of the frame my mother was smiling broadly, though standing somewhat awkwardly, on the sand. Spencer must have taken the picture. Despite the fact she obviously wasn't keen on the photo being taken, Mother looked wonderful. Everything did. I didn't doubt that I would never see anything like that in all my years, as it was a lifetime away from anything in Wales or anywhere else I had ever been in the UK. I knew I'd never get the opportunity to leave what I had, either. It made something in my chest ache longingly. Some part of me was there in those photos. Part of me really was all the way in California, somewhere. I had just never seen it, or perhaps a more fitting term would be met it.

"Wow," I breathed to myself as mother continued to flick through the photos one after the other, handing me the odd few which was all leaving me feeling a little overwhelmed. Most of them were of her in front of stunning backdrops, or just of the scenery, or buildings and landmarks, but there was also the odd one of both her and Spencer. They were always smiling. It always looked too good to be true.

"I'm glad you had a nice time," I said quietly as I gave them back to her, my eyes lingering over the last picture I had been handed.

Mother smiled at me softly. "Yeah, it was good, I'm glad we went," she said carefully, as my gaze turned back to her. "But, it's not home though, is it?" She added lightly her smile fading slightly. We shared a silent look for a moment, as if we were both trying to work each other out. It was quickly masked as my Mother turned away again, returning the photographs to her bag.

"So what did you do with yourself, Brianne?" She asked quickly, turning back to me. "And don't say nothing, because we both know that's impossible!" She added with a chuckle.

I looked over her with a clear expression for a moment. She had caught me out, that was for sure, but wasn't that her job? "Not much, really. I saw some people, went out a bit. Just the usual, you know," I said dismissively, shrugging lightly. I wasn't lying in the slightest, that's exactly what I had done.

Mother nodded briefly before placing a hand on my shoulder lightly. I watched her curiously as her gaze dived into mine, almost searching for something that I was hiding. In truth, perhaps I was waiting a little. I was half wanting an apology, though I knew much better than to get one. That just wasn't how things worked in this house.

"Well, I'm going to make some tea, do you want one, dear?" She asked suddenly, pulling herself to her feet. I watched as she wandered into the kitchen, glancing back at me as she stepped into the doorway.

"No thanks, I'm fine," I responded easily. "I'm just going to go upstairs," I added, feeling the need to escape. I was being suffocated by my confused thoughts. This still didn't feel right, or at least, it wasn't in any way what I was used to. I needed a chance to come to terms with what the hell had happened over the past month, and what was going to happen next.

"Oh, okay, Brianne," she responded lightly, before disappearing into the small room beyond. The moment she was out of sight I jumped to my feet and sprinted for the stairs, needing nothing more than to be alone with my thoughts. I had to make sense of this. I had to try and work out what the hell had changed. People don't just forget the past like she seemed to have done. I had tried far too many times for that to be true.