I Am The Answer You Misunderstood.

Insomnia; A condition in which it is very difficult for a person fall asleep, or stay asleep. I replayed the words a doctor had told me when I was 16 years old. “Why can’t I ever sleep!” I had asked him. These are the words he said to me. I laughed at how truthful they were, and how bad my condition was. How many hours do I get a week? On a good week, 15. On a normal one, maybe 10 at the most. This is a week, not a night.

Insomnia, it was something I was used to. It was something I actually cherished about my life. I loved never having to sleep, being able to go for days with out ever missing a minute, being conscious to the world. I soon found that 2 in the morning was my time. It was when I really felt alive, and when ideas seemed to come to me. For 2 a.m. was mostly when I wrote.

I was sitting on the hood of my car, with a notebook in my lap, and a pencil in my hand. I had a smile on my face as I looked at the empty sheet of paper. I could almost hear it begging me to write, begging me to fill it with words. But the only problem was, I had nothing. Nothing at all. My mind was completely blank. Why was I smiling? I’m still not sure why, but somehow I was amused at myself.

For the past three months, three long, dreadful months, my mind has been blank. I have stared at the same blank page for the past three months. It was driving me crazy. I wanted to start something fresh and new then what I had been working on for about a year and a half. It just wasn’t going right, I didn’t like it at all. So I put that notebook under my bed, getting a new one the next day. I was holding that one right then, in my arms, with a blank mind.

I sighed, scooting myself off of my car. I walked back into my parents guest house, and laid down on the soft, plush, couch. I tossed my items onto the small, glass coffee table that was two feet away and closed my eyes. I hadn’t gotten any sleep since Monday night, today was Thursday and I was nearly dead to the world. I pulled a blanket off the back of the couch, covering myself and curling up in a ball. I laid there still, and silent with my eyes wide opened. I flicked my eyes toward the digital clock that I could barely see from my room, it was 3:15 am. I closed my eyes, Maybe if I actually tried I could fall asleep? Maybe. Maybe not. It was too quiet, I could hear myself breathing, and clocks ticking. I thought about reaching over and grabbing the remote, but I knew I’ll I’d do was watch TV and never fall asleep, so I laid there for what seemed like eternity and I still hadn’t fallen asleep, so I opened my eyes to see what time it was, 3:19. I wanted to scream.

I kicked the blanket off me, and got off the couch quickly. I went to the bathroom, turning on the shower making it steaming hot. I quickly discarded my clothes, and stepped in. The water was hot, it burned, but my skin soon became numb, and my mind opened up. I realized that there was no way I was falling to sleep tonight.