Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer

“You're soaking wet, Indigo! Get in, I'll find something for you to wear,” I ushered her in as she shivered when she stepped inside my Air Conditioned house.

I left her on the porch, as I ran inside my room grabbing the first hoodie I saw, my most tight fitting shirt and jeans. I imagined Indigo dressed in my clothes and I mentally scolded myself as I imagined her trying on my clothes.

“Here, you can change up, in uh, the bathroom in my room,” I said shoving the clothes awkardly at her. She smiled sheepishly and handed me the CD mutely.

She scurried upstairs as I flopped on the couch and turned on the TV, which automatically was set up to MTV.
Bullshit.

Indigo was in my room changing.

I desperately forced the thoughts out of my mind as I heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

There was a clone of me coming down the stairs, skinny jeans that didn’t quite have the same effect and a huge hoodie, but it was a rendition of me since I didn’t have black hair tied up messily on top of my head.

“Thanks so much Poolie. I know I look like a wreck,” she hugged me and instead of her usual floral smell there was a faint smell of Old Spice.

“You're implying that my clothes are wreck-worthy?” I cocked an eyebrow, while simultaneously putting in the CD into the player.
“No, course not. Just it was all raining and I looked like a homeless person with a CD at hand,” Indigo shrugged walking over to me as she pressed play on Track 11.

She closed the gap in between us, holding me closer than she ever has before.

I nearly suffocated from rheumatism of passion.

“Indigo?” I whispered, my breath was nearly out of its supply.

“Shhh,” she murmured

Her arms were flung over my neck, our noses were touching, her eyes closed as we swayed in my living room.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

I closed my eyes as I let my hands slip down onto her hips.
And then, while she whispered the words in my ears, I lifted her in my arms bridal style and she opened her eyes wide in surprise and smiled at me through her sapphire eyes.

I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like some invisible spirit was guiding me.

I opened the door and I drank in the rain. I let Indigo down from my arms as we danced to the melody of rain; the steady beat leaving me twirling Indigo endlessly.

It rained on. Pounding. In my chest. I felt her coming closer to me. I felt embracing her body, merging her body into mine.

I held her and she smiled radiantly her forehead touching mine. And I felt electricity. It sparked in my heart; my insides were burning as if I had swollen a piece of the sun.
Was this love?
Was this Indigo finally giving in to love?

And those words that I waited for so long came out of her mouth. It was nearly surreal and dreamlike. I was waiting for water to splash on my face, to wake up from this dream any moment now.

“Poolie?” she murmured in my ear.

“Hmm?” I wasn't aware that confession would happen in exactly 4 seconds.

“I love you,” her voice was strong and sure of herself.

I left her words hanging in the air. The words I nearly evoked choked me. I looked at her in awe, and grabbed her face.

“Say it again Indigo,” I said.

“I love you, Poolie. I love you. I love you,” she said with submitting into what she held on to for so long.

“I love you too,” I said, breathlessly, grabbing her face closer, implanting a hand on either side of her cheek and bringing it close to my own.

The kiss I felt then was more passionate that I could ever feel, we were exploring our own mouths with our tongues and the only reason we parted was because we were out of breath.
Mindlessly I started pulling of my own hoodie from her back and she leapt on me once more, clothes plastered to skin, dripping wet hair, and lyrics wafting into our ears as we went inside.

Lips glued together.
Rain drenched clothes.
Blackbird.

Take these broken wings and learn to fly.

She finally pulled away from me, and I brushed her hair away from her face. Her eyes were glinting with happiness. Her giggle only suppressed by listening to the lyrics.

“Poolie, I've been dying to say those words for a long time now,” she said gasping for air.

I was taken by surprise at this, since when? As long as I have? The questions burned inside me, but all the same I felt a sense of relief, that Indigo finally confessed. That Indigo finally admitted.

“How long?” I asked, stroking her hair lovingly.

“Since the Fair,” she sheepishly shrugged.

“That long?” I looked at her in mild surprise, remembering clear it was the only time I had said I love you to her prior.

“Mmhmm. It was the night of the fair anyways. I thought about it in bed. And I realized I was in love with you,” she said.

“Why do you tell me now, did you have it all planned out?” I asked, rambling on like a hopeless dope.

“No, of course not. I just wanted to dance. And then you had to get all intimate with me . . ,” She trailed, looking playfully at me.

“Me being intimate?! You were the one who got all pole dance-y on me,” I accused.

“Poolie, I was kidding,” she giggled.

“I don't think I can ever leave you,” I confessed, looking straight into her eyes with sincerity.

She dropped her arms from my shoulder and looked away placidly.

“Paul, don't bring that up,” she insisted.

“But it's the truth. I can't live by phone calls. I need to see your face,” I pleaded.

“I can't change that Paul. No matter how much I want to,” she looked at me with sad eyes.

“You can. You can still convince your mom, and maybe you won't have to move,” I looked at her with desperate hope, knowing it would avail for nothing.

“Paul. This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this,” she whispered.

“But it did. Didn't it? We're both in love Indigo,” I said, hearing the words come out of my mouth and wished I could rephrase that into a more elusive way.

“Paul . . .I'm not moving,” she didn't make eye contact with me at all.

“Then why the hell are you being so downcast if you're not moving Indigo?” I felt a wave of relief pass over me as I attempted to lift her chin up with my hand.

“Paul. Listen to me when I say this,” her voice became crackly, her eyes falling away from me.

“I'm listening,” I nodded with total oblivion.

She took a deep breathe and stared me straight in the eye. Although I'd rather she didn't once I knew the four words that would eventually emit from her mouth.

“I have AIDS,”

Instead of the million questions that would burn a hole in my brain and permanently freeze, I was astounded to find that only the words had a toll on me.

And those words hit me like a 2000 ton weight.