Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer

We were at the beach playing our song. It was our song. And it could be only ours.

It was Soundtrack Of Your Summer. We were both idiots not to figure out that immediately. It was literally a given.

Lying down, we watched the stars, scattered by an invisible force, blinding us with this penetrating, glittering sight. The sound of the waves rolling on the sand and our boom box were our music tonight.

We recorded the song and put it into the CD, and funny how many times we repeated that song and we never ever got tired of it.

It was the soundtrack to our hearts, our love.

-

The beach was almost deserted. The waves were rolling endlessly onto the sand, carefully retreating back when it got too close. I shifted my attention to Indi, whose eyes were hazy and looking out to the sky.

“I don’t know you Indi. I don’t know the first thing about you,” I finally said, and it broke my heart to realize that I was actually speaking the truth.

It was true. Sure, I knew who she was and we spent every day breathing with her but I had no clue what she liked, what turned her on, what she loved the most.

“You don’t,” she shook her head.
“Tell me. I want to know,” I told her, finding her hand in the sea of sand.

“My most favorite things,” she started, pausing to see if I would contradict her in some way.

I didn’t.

“Snow angels. Song lyrics. Christmas Eve. Old movies on rainy days. Guy perfume smell. Footprints. Sleeping after a long day. Singing a song I can sing to. 50’s style restaurants. Star Wars. The Beatles. Audrey Hepburn. My mother. Jeans that fit. And you,” She counted off, looking up at the sky, still strewn with those stars.

I smiled to myself. Funny how you could know more about a person in just one minute as opposed to knowing them, say for a month.

“Are you wondering why I live with my mother?” she asked, tightening the grip of our hands.

“No, but you can tell me,” I assured her, bringing her hand up and kissing it lightly.

-

“I never knew my father. Up until I was ten my mother said that my dad was in the military. A soldier. I always drew pictures and sent him letters that my mother supposedly sent. When I was thirteen, my mother showed me those letters. The same way I left them. Addressed to Harrison Saunders, with a couple stamps off to the side. There were about 50. My mother told me the truth then,” She paused here, taking a deep breath before she continued.

“ He left my mother when it was confirmed that she had AIDS, and that I was born with it. She never even tried looking for him, because she said he wasn’t worth it. And I agree with her more than anything,” She explained.

I felt my heart drop at least 50 feet. He disappeared because his daughter was SICK? I couldn’t imagine that, I couldn’t imagine anyone disappearing away from Indigo. It was impossible. In every impossible way there could imaginably be.

“What a father,” I commented.
“Yeah, but life, Poolie, Isn’t the fairytale we hoped for,” she wisely told me.

We were quiet then. I didn’t want to ruin that moment. I didn’t want to tell her that forever was about to end soon. I didn’t want to remind me of that thought.

All I wanted to do was make this moment last. This night last. This summer last into a forever ness that would never fade.

If that were possible.

“We can always pretend” I answered her question sincerely.
I took a deep breath and watched another shooting star pass us by. I wondered what Indigo would wish for. More time?
But I wished for Indigo.
I wished of forever, even if I knew it would enver happen.

“I’m scared,” she said almost quietly, shyly.

“Of what?” I asked, caressing her arm, back and forth, back and forth.

“Of time. Of not having too much of it. Of leaving you,” she replied, getting up and looking at me straight in the eye.

This time when I saw her, I saw something else.
Fear and love.
And her eyes were what wanted me to hold her for eternity, they were what made me not want to let her go, and so that’s exactly what I did.

I held her too close, so she couldn’t breathe.
I embraced her so hard it hurt.
I loved her with intensity that she, which we, couldn’t comprehend.

I didn’t reply with words. No words could define what I was thinking. Like they say, Action Speak Louder Than Words. So, I gently laid her down on the carpeted sand and I kissed her like I haven’t before.

She told me later that a shooting star passed us by when I did and that she wished I would love her no matter what.

I told her that was a useless wish, because I couldn’t leave her no matter what. I needed her to be with me, for at least the time she had. In my heart, I knew it wasn’t enough. We were racing against time.