Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer

I blamed Lacey for our fall out. Well, I should back up, considering that I said fall out and I’m scaring you with the thought that me and Indigo eventually fell apart and broke up.

In a sense I was wrong.
But mostly I was right.

That last week of Indigo’s weren’t the best I imagine, and it was mostly my fault. I take the blame for that, even though in the long run, she told me that it was the best week of her life.

She should have said best day in her life. Bestlast day in her life.

But, Lacey wasn’t all to blame. It wasn’t my fault that she was used to getting what she wanted and what made it harder was that she was just too nice and irresistibly sweet. It would have been so much easier to hate her if she were a shallow hearted bitch.

That unfortunately was not the case here.

The week after our first practice was when Indigo started to act fidgety and urgent, which scared me out of my mind. She kissed me more now, and when she did it was this urgent taste and she was always too nervous for me to understand.

Her eyes would give no emotion, her face would stay unbiased, her smile was forced and not that usual energetic smile that she would give me everyday.

I felt idiotic not knowing what to do and when asking her what was wrong, she would always respond with a timid,

“Nothing,”

I felt helpless, knowing there was something I could do; yet I couldn’t do anything. I would do anything just to get an answer from her. I would break off a kiss that she rambunctiously and urgently pressed on my lips and ask her why we were rushing.

She begged for me to stop and that she just wanted this more than anything and I gave in, kissing her but my mind was elsewhere.

It was only by the end of that second week did she tell me, her eyes teary, her face smudged with her eyeliner. It pained me to see her like this.

“Indigo, what’s wrong?” I wiped away her tears with the palm of my hand and embraced her tight.

“Paul, just forget me okay? There’s no use in staying with me anymore, I’m leaving, and I’m not ever going to walk the beach with you anymore, not after tomorrow. Paul, I love you okay, but you can’t love me back, you can have Lacey, I know she loves you, Paul just,” she broke off, her tears engulfing her words and I was cradling her in my arms, kissing her cheek, until she was smothered in my love.

“Shh, just relax, I love you, you can’t change that, and I won’t love Lacey no matter how much I’ll try, okay? I need you, and you need me. It’s like this reciprocation,” I pulled back Indigo’s hair and brushed my fingers through it kissing her sun soaked hair.

“I’m going to the hospital just so they can kill me painlessly. Tomorrow. The process takes a couple weeks though,” Indigo faintly whispered, her voice cracking and I couldn’t bear to look at her face.

I felt sick when she said they were practically killing her. They were giving a painless death all right, but still, she was going to be dead in a matter of a couple weeks, and she hasn’t even lived to finish high school, to get married or much less have children.

Indigo was going to be gone in a couple weeks. The realization hit me hard, and I held her tighter than before.

“Just stay with me, Indi, I’m not going to leave you, I promise,” I told her.

She looked at me, her eyes radiating the same sort of sadness and ecstasy I saw in her face after I first played her Blackbird on the beach for what it seemed so long ago.

“I have like 6 T cells,” Indigo sniffed, smiling imperceptibly up at me.

“6?” I echoed, keeping my lips on her cheek for the longest time.

“I could name them all. Martin, Paul, Bryan, Beef, Indigo and Lacey,” she laughed.

“Poolie,” I corrected, and she nodded in agreement.

“Poolie, then,” she agreed, and she engulfed me into hey another kiss. I didn’t felt the urgency and or the pressure.

Instead I felt sweet love and bliss, and something called forever.
Which of course never lasted.

-

It was interrupted by Lacey who was casually walking in to the café, her hair put up in a ponytail, her eyes covered by her huge sunglasses perched carefully on her button nose.

She had on a navy blue tank top and a denim skirt, her petite figure looking divinely perfect for her outfit with her cowboy boots.

She saw Indigo and me and brightened up instantly waving her hand at us and running up to our table near the jukebox.

“Hey Paul, Indigo. Is it okay if I sit here?” she pointed to the space next to Indigo, I saw her nod and I smiled attentively at Lacey, who blushed in return.

“So, what’s up you two?” Lacey casually asked, sipping her Frappucino and glanced over at Indigo’s current crying condition and by blotched face complexion.

Maybe, she thought and realized that she should leave.

“Nothing much,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hey, Lace, I’m uh, going to be at the hospital for a couple weeks, just so you know we can’t usually meet up when the guys have practice,” Indigo shrugged indifferently.

Lacey’s eyebrows shot up, her face exploded with shock and she shifted her stare at me.

“But why?!” she asked.

“I have a…disease. They’re trying to prolong my, er, vaccination,” Indigo craftily lied, smiling at me the whole time.

“Will you be okay?” Lacey asked, concern showed pristinely in her face.

“Sure, I’ll be out, don’t worry,” Indigo falsely assured her, and Lacey relaxed, pushing up her sunglasses showing dark brown eyes unlike her brothers.

“I’ve never known anyone who died before. I never went to a funeral before, and I never knew anyone who was so sick they had to go the hospital. Sorry for the spaz there, I didn’t mean that,” Lacey apologized.

“It’s fine,” Indigo replied, taking a long sip of her strawberry milkshake and she gave me one awkward glance.

“Hey, Lace, is it alright if you tell the guys that I won’t be practicing with them tonight?” I asked Lacey, trying to leave as soon as possible, all the while by being polite. I hoped it wasn’t going to be too difficult, and I desperately wished I could read Lacey’s mind, wondering if she hid her expressions and real thoughts under genuine kindness or if those were her true colors.

“Sure, I can. I’ll call him up now. Mind saying why?” she asked, whipping out her cell phone.

“Family issues,” I lied, looking at Lacey sincerely.

“Oh, I see, well you won’t imagine how much trouble Bryan and I get into, it’s crazy, hey well, I’ll be off now, I’ll make sure I’ll call Bryan, okay? See you when I see you!” she cheerily told us, and chatted with a waiter before leaving out the door.

“You’re such a good liar,” I winked at Indigo once she was out of earshot.

“Consider yourself a good teacher,” she smiled at me, as we slid out of the booth, but not before leaving a $5 bill on the table under our check.