Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer

I pulled away after I realized that I was kissing Lacey and not Indigo.

“Lace, I’m really sorry, God, what the hell,” I muttered under my breath, wondering why I did what I just did.

Reality sucked.

“Paul, it’s okay,” Lacey meekly whispered, fiddling with a strand of her glowing hair.

“Look, can you not tell anyone? I have no idea what I was thinking,” I shuffled my hair nervously looking at anywhere but her angelic (possibly hurt) face.
“Sure Paul, look, don’t worry ‘bout it, we can just forget it ever happened okay?” Lacey said in a deep breathe.

All I could do acknowledge that I heard her, was a little nod.

“You still love her Paul, don’t doubt that,” Lacey said, reading my thoughts exactly.

I nodded insufficiently. Then why did I kiss her so suddenly? Why did the feelings I had for Indigo somehow go to Lacey? The thoughts I had around Indigo were almost identical to what I thought of Lacey now.

“You needed someone, and I’m always here for you, just remember I’m still Lacey and Indigo’s not me,” Lacey whispered, hugging me tight.

And I smelled lilacs and gasoline, instead of Indigo’s scent, which was a combination of me, and some fruity odor. It brought me back to my senses, that Lacey was just a friend and I was (betraying?) Indigo when she needed me most.

“I know, my mind slipped,” I confessed, trying to grasp that pretty good explanation, even if it wasn’t true.

“We all do, well goodnight Paul, I had an amazing day,” Lacey replied.

I didn’t watch her leave. I heard the door open and close. Afterwards a rampant shout of WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!

I decided it was time to leave and guiltily left my conscience to ponder what was happening to me.

-

“Morning Sunshine! The Earth Says Hello!” I quoted, throwing down the sheets from Indigo’s shoulder. She moaned and opened her right eye, a smile escaped her lips but she closed her eyes again and complained.

“Paul, I didn’t sleep at all last night,” Indigo started, but I was adamant.

I threw open the curtains to let the sunshine seep in through the windows to lighten up the unnecessarily gloomy room. Indigo moaned more, and she pulled the blankets up over her head.

“I got presents for you!” I exuberantly said, getting closer to the bed and peering under the blankets where she was still sleeping.

“Do you have food?” she asked, all of a sudden blinking wide-awake.

“I have McDonalds pancakes, your favorite,” I pulled out the still steamy hot bag from behind my back.
“Give me!” she pulled her arms out.

“Nope, you have to come and get it!” I backed out playfully near the window, where she had to walk.
“Paul,” she started, pouting.

“No, not that face, I’m not falling for it,” I scolded her, turning around, folding my arms, staring out the window to see a busy scene.

There were so many people out, buying hotdogs from a stand. People holding briefcases, kids on bicycles ramming into trees; they were everywhere.

Life was so simple. Yet my life had to the complicated one, where happily ever after was so short.

“Give it to me!” Indigo was no behind me, looking drowsy in her hospital gown.

“Nope, you’ve got to give me a kiss,” I turned around, holding the breakfast up in the air and pushing my face out towards her direction.

I felt her lips brush my cheek.

“Now can I have it?” Indigo sounded weary, but I could tell she was enjoying my company.

“No, no! On the lips,” I pointed pushing my lips out.

She sighed, but not before planting a quick wet kiss on my waiting lipsthat were touched by Lacey last night.

“There,” Indigo had her hands on her hips, looking at me with an ‘are you serious’ look.

“Here, you look ravenous darling,” I finally handed her the bag; she greedily snatched it from my hand and quickly ambled back to her bed.

“I have two other things for you, from Lacey,” I said, holding up the bow wrapped DVD and the folded sketch.
I handed those to her, while she looked at me with surprise.

“Thanks? Did you guys have a jam session last night?” Indigo looked at me questionably.

“No, I, just had to uh, pick her up from modeling,” I said, glad it was the partial truth.

“Oh,” Indigo nodded her head, picking at the bow.

She was in the process of unraveling it, and she wasn’t even done when she looked at me with a wide-eyed face.

“You told her didn’t you?” Indigo looked at me.
Crap. Was she mad? Was this Indigo mad? I couldn’t lie; A Walk To Remember was a ‘retelling of our story’ as said by Lacey. And that was the gift she gave Indigo, to see some resemblance? Crap, she would be mad now, I know.

“You’re mad aren’t you,” I shuffled my hair, avoiding eyesight with her.

“No, I’m not, I’m just surprised you would tell her,” Indigo shrugged carelessly. I let out a whoosh of relief.

“I love this movie! Put it in!” Indigo laughed, handing me the DVD after ripping it from their impossible casing.

“What’s this, the card?” Indigo picked up the sketch, as I turned around to put in the DVD.

I heard an awed silence.

“Oh wow,” Indigo finally said.

The usual THX thing came up with the gold letters. I got in the bed with her, embracing her as she was still staring at the sketch opened eyed, as the syrup from her pancake on her pancake dripped onto the white sheets.

“I’m going to get it framed, and put it right there,” I said, pointing to the window sill that was already filled with get well cards from relatives and close friends.

“It’s, amazing,” Indigo said, lack of words obviously eating her.

“That’s why I told her,” I said kissing her cheek and stealing a bite of her still uneaten pancake on her fork.

“Miss Saunders, your mother is here,” a nurse interrupted, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Indigo honey, how are- oh hello Paul, why thank you for bringing her breakfast,” Ms. Saunders noticed the pancake she was not eating and the sketch still next to her on the bed.

“Wow, now this is splendid,” she went over by the bed to pick up the sketch.

I pretended my eyes were fixated on the screen, which was now at a dark scene with some bad asses about to jump into what it looked like a retention pond, although it was difficult to see with the glare.

“I know isn’t it?” Indigo enthused.

“Paul, you drew this?” Ms. Saunders inquired.

“Oh, no no,” we both said simultaneously.

“Our friend, Lacey Donahue drew it, she’s an amazing aspiring artist,” Indigo lied.
“It’s just sensational,” Ms. Saunders replied, she glanced up at the screen.

“Oh Indi, Isn’t this that movie you used to watch all the time? Oh Paul, you won’t believe how much she was jealous of Mandy Moore, and said she always wanted to find someone like him,” Ms. Saunders chuckled, while kissing goodbye to Indigo on her forehead and squeezing her hand.

“I have work, so I’ll come back in the afternoon,” she murmured to Indigo.

“And I just think it’s funny, how she found him,” Ms. Saunders added, laughing to herself until she disappeared behind the white washed door.

“You mean, I remind your mom of him?” I questionably looked at Indigo looking skeptically at the guy speeding away from cops on the screen.

“Yeah, you’ll see, only you’re better, so much better than my dreams,” Indigo assured me, laying her head on my shoulder as I held her tight, wondering if I deserved someone like Indigo while I tried to shove Lacey out of my mind.

-

“Paul, are you crying? You’re crying!” Indigo was laughing, as I wiped a tear from my eye.

“Am not!” I protested, blinking to show her my now tearless eyes.

“Paul you cried watching a chick flick!” she provoked me, I playfully growled at her pretending to wrestle her head with my teeth.

“It wasn’t the movie that made me cry,” I told her.

“Then what was it?” she giggled, straightening her hair.

“Lacey was right, that it really did remind me of, us, in a way, and I saw the ending, and I wonder if that’s really going to happen to us and eventually. . . me,” I said, combing her hair through my fingers.
“What do you mean, the part where they get married?” Indigo said with a smirk.

“No, the part, where he is the miracle, you know? That, I guess would be a goal for me, but then you’re dying too quickly, and you’re just letting it go, without a fight,” I started, but Indigo stopped.

“Without a fight? Oh Paul, is that what you really think? I’m so afraid of dying, of leaving my mom alone, of leaving you alone, of living a lifetime without you. I would do anything to grow old and live with you, I would give anything,” Indigo whispered.

“Then why can’t you just wait a little longer?” I asked.

“I am, Paul, doing this right now prolongs my stay, they confirmed that I am actually being unusually healthy and strong and I can stay out for a couple more days, and I wanted to tell you that,” Indigo smiled helplessly.

I was near speechless, a few more days was like gold to me, which I had to spend wisely.

“Oh, god what do you want to do? I’ll take you to Paris, to Australia, Hawaii, wherever! Whatever you want to do, it’s on me! I’ll pull them out of my savings, we can catch a plane tonight!” I jumped out of the bed, ticking the possibilities off with my fingers.

“Paul! I don’t want to fly to Hawaii,” she calmed me down slowly, looking at me practically with my impractical nostalgic ideas.

“Then what? Greece? Alaska?” I sat on the corner of her bed.

“I just want to be with you, spend the last week alive out there while I can, and tell everyone my fate, and just be alive,” she sighed.

“That’s what you really want?” I doubtfully looked at her, looking and admiring her sense of calmness at this near death situation.

“An anonymous person donated enough money to keep me in house care,” she started.

“Like in the movie?” I smirked. She rolled her eyes at me.

“Exactly, so a nurse would come with me at home, and I won’t have to come back here,” she smiled exuberantly, struggling to stand to face me. As I walked toward the window, still contemplating the matter.

I ran to her, it was killing me to see her in pain just to look at me. I held her arm steady and forced her back on the bed, sitting behind her and hugging her kissing her citrus-y smelling hair.

“Miracles can happen Paul, even as little as they can be,” she assured me.

Miracles. Miracles.
I jumped up from the bed; an idea struck me like lightning, like almost this whole new world dawning for me. I knew I had my inspiration, but it was almost verbatim. And if Lacey said me and Indigo retold A Walk To Remember, then we were going to retell that story.

“I’ll be right back, I promise, you stay here, right there, don’t move,” I said, jolting out of the room, turning back to give a stunned Indigo a quick kiss and running out the door.

“Where else would I go?” I heard her faint voice as I skidded down the hallway of the hospital, which probably wasn’t the wisest thing to do.

But when an idea struck, it would stick.
-
“Mom! Where’s that ring? You know the old one that dad and you had to replace since it wouldn’t fit anymore?” I frantically ran to her jewelry box, as she looked up at me with surprise.

“The ring? Why in the world would you want-,” my mom stopped mid sentence, I have to hand it to you, my old woman was smart.

“Oh god, Paul, you aren’t,” she started as realization dawned on her.

“Mom, please,” I begged.

“Oh, no, Paul, marriage is a commitment, and you’re only 16,” my mom started to protest.

“Seventeen now, mom, seventeen,” I reminded her.

“My point is you might not be prepared for the challenges,” my mom continued, while I still raked through her jewelry.

“Mom, please, she’s going to die in a couple of weeks,” I said, and I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. The word die tasted sour in my mouth and left a horrible after taste.

“Honey,” she swallowed hard and looked up at me with tears welling up in her eyes.

“You’re not going to find it there,” she said in a hushed tone as she walked over to her bureau to pull out a red velvet drawstring purse.

She undid the golden rope and dropped the contents on her palm.

It was almost perfect. A tarnished ring, with still the original glint of gold, a teardrop shaped diamond protruding in the front, catching the sun’s rays like a rainbow dancing atop her palm.

She closed the ring in my palm and slid the other one on my fourth finger, which was almost identical, but without the diamond.
“If she says yes, I’ll be there for moral support,” my mom embraced me, kissing me on the forehead.

“Thank you,” I kissed her on the cheek, grateful, for how this almost-miracle was by far going as planned.

-

I ran into the ward, with a still stunned Indigo staring at me bewildered. I stopped to catch my breath, sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling the velvet bag in my pocket, a reminder of the almost-miracle that might or might not happen.

“What happened?” was all she could emit, crawling closer to me, with that shocked look permanent on her flawless face.

“I have another present for you,” I smiled sheepishly, reaching into my pocket.

“From Lacey?” she asked, her face slowly changing into a relieved look.

“No, from me,” I answered, pulling out the red velvet bag and placing it into her hand.

My heart thumped a mile a minute. I imagined rejection, and the pain it would ominously bring along. Well, I couldn’t take it back now, since she was slowly unraveling the tiny rope. I was watching her like a suspenseful slow moving black and white picture. The anticipation was nearly killing me, and I dropped to the floor with one knee down.

She didn’t look at me, she was staring at the ring, comprehending the significance, and finally when she looked at me, she put her hand over her mouth in astonishment.

“Indigo Rae, will you marry me?” I said the words I always dreamed of, but never thought would be a reality.

Like Dr. Seuss said, ‘you know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams’.

No wiser words have been said before.