Cemetery Drive

I don't own them. I wish I did.

Cemetery Drive

I wish it had been different. I wish I had never said those words to you. But now is too late to swallow them back. Too late.
I still remember that night like it happened yesterday. I told you those bitter words. Oh how I regret them.

“You were just a good fuck.” I saw your world crashing down into million pieces. Mine crashed along yours but I was too blind to see it on that moment.
“Is this what you always want me for?” You asked with tears streaming down your face.
“Yes.” I saw your pain turning to anger. You advanced on me with fury in your eyes. You backed me against the wall and your lips collided hard against mine. You tried to rip me apart with that one kiss. You tried to make me realise that I was in fact in love with you. But at that time I was too messed up to understand my feelings. To understand everything that I thought was wrong with me. You broke the kiss and sat down on the cold hard floor crying your lungs out. All I wanted to do was hug you and tell you those words weren’t meaningful. But I didn’t have the guts to do it.
“Get out Frankie. Just get out.” He whispered between sobs. I left his place and wandered the streets. I had been outside for almost 2 hours. Thinking, just thinking. No one would accept us if they knew I’m gay…if they knew we were together. They would never understand. It was for the best. He will get over me. I know. I hope.
I was awaken from my thoughts when my cell rang. I checked the ID. It was Mikey calling.
“Frankie…*sob*...frank.”
“What is it Mikey? What’s wrong?” I was scared.
“It’s…it’s Gerard. He…he’s…dead.” I went dead silent. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Frankie…you there?” I felt my cell slipping from my hands and lading on the ground. “Frankie…Frankie!” I ran as fast as I could to his apartment. When I got there I saw the police on the street. Next to an ambulance was Mikey. He was crying over Gee’s dead body. I went over to him and hugged him tightly. I cried…I cried so much that I was aching all over. When we calmed down a little Mikey told me the words that killed me for good.
“He killed himself Frankie! He shoot himself on the bathroom.” He started sobbing again and I just stood there with him in my arms staring ahead into space.

I don’t remember the funeral. I don’t remember anything after Mikey told me those words. I’m back at Gee’s apartment. I found the courage to come here. I found the courage to enter that bathroom. I found the courage to bring a gun with me. I found the courage that I never had to say I love you.

Oh…how I miss you.

I understood in those final seconds…on that last intake of breath how much you meant to me. How I hope you’ll forgive me. How I hope I’ll meet you again…way down...

Way down.