Sometimes I Question Why I'm Still Here
Sometimes I Question Why I'm Still Here
“Escape The Fate! You’re on in 5!” some dude yelled to us, I barely heard him, not because Avenged SevenFold was playing, but because I was pacing, waiting for Hayley, my girlfriend, to get here. Normally she comes with us to the venue, but she had to go some places and get some things. Ugh! Where is she?!
“Yo, Craig, calm it, she’ll be here in a few.” Monte said, throwing an empty water bottle at me. I dodged it, “Money, you know she’s always early, never late, always on time. How can I not worry?” I asked him while I kept pacing. “Dude, she’s probably stuck in traffic, cause it is New York ya know?” Robert said his words of wisdom. “Yeah, traffic, New York..yeah.” I mumbled to myself. “Dude, have you tried calling her?” Rob asked. “Dudes! Have any of you seen my sister?! I’ve tried calling her, and she won’t pick up!” Max stormed in, panicking. I just looked at Rob, more worried than I was before. “No, Max, we haven’t..sorry dude.” Monte apologized. “I’m gonna try to call her again.” Max said walking into the bathroom. “I’m gonna text her..see if she texts back.” I said walking over to and sitting down on one of the couches that were backstage. ‘Babe, where are you? We go on in like 3 minutes.’ I hit ‘send’ and waited and waited and waited and no response. A door slammed open, Rob, Monte, and I all jumped and looked to see where it came from, it was Max, flinging the bathroom door open, “she didn’t pick up guys! Where is she? She would be here by now! She would’ve picked up her phone the fucking first time I called her! Something is fucking wrong guys! Something is wrong!” he was so close to crying and yelling.
SMACK! We all looked over to the exit that goes to the parking lot where the tour buses are. There stood Juliet, Hayley’s best friend, she looked like shit, tears running down her face, eyeliner and mascara smeared down her cheeks, red lipstick smudged on and around her lips, her eyes and lips were slightly puffy and red, her dark hair was tangled, like someone had pulled on it, her clothes were wrinkled and wet, she looked like she had just gotten out of a downpour of rain, or a victim from a horror movie. She was out of breath, looking at us, her eyes looked sad, like someone had killed a part of her, like half of her heart was gone. “Jules? What’s wrong? Where’s Hayley?” Max asked her, running over to her and walking her to a couch. “Escape The Fate! 2 minutes!” another guy yelled. “Jules, tell us what’s wrong. Calm down..shh…we’re here Jules, we’re here..” Max said soothingly as he rubbed her back. “Yeah Jules, tell us what’s botherin ya.” Monte said walking over to the couch where they were sitting. “Yeah, tell us what’s wrong sweetie.” Rob said moving Monte out of his way so he could sit by Juliet. I walked up to her and hugged her, “Jules, you can tell us anything that’s bothering you.” I whispered in her ear. “I know Craig..it..it’s just that..that..” she said, her voice cracking, and she shook her head. “It’s Hayley guys..she..she..” she kept shaking her head. “She what Juliet?” I asked her looking her in the eyes. “She..she…” she tried to say it again. “She what?! Come on Juliet, spit it out already! She’s my sister! Is something wrong with my sister?!?!” Max yelled. Juliet started crying more. “Max, calm down.” “Calm down?! Calm down?! How the HELL am I supposed to calm down Robert?! Something is OBVIOUSLY wrong with Hayley, my sister! How the hell am I supposed to CALM DOWN?!?!?!?!” Max yelled again. “MAX! Your sister was in a car accident! OKAY?! SHE DIED INSTANTLY! HAYLEY FUCKING DIED MAX! YOU LOST YOUR SISTER! I LOST MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND! AND CRAIG LOST HIS GIRLFRIEND! OKAY?!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO FUCKING HEAR MAX?! HUH?!” Juliet lost it. I just stared at her. ‘Dead? She-She’s dead? No, I was going to propose to her tonight, right after we played Not Good Enough, her favorite song. No, this can’t be happening to me, no, she may be injured, but she isn’t dead.’ “Wha-What?” Max asked, letting his hand fall off her back. “Max, I am so so sorry, but she’s gone…she..she..she’s in a..a..better place now..” Jules whispered. “How can she be in a better place and leave me here? Jules, I was going to propose to her..tonight..” I said quietly. “Craig..I..I’m sorry, but..I know she loved you, she always will.” Juliet said just above a whisper. “ESCAPE THE FATE! YOU’RE ON!...NOW!” the annoying guy yelled. “WE’RE COMING!” I yelled back. “come on guys.” I whispered to Max, Rob, and Monte. “Are you kidding me Craig?! We just lost a member of our fucking family! We are NOT playing tonight!” Max screamed. “Max, come on, I have an idea, okay, just, come on.” I said lightly grabbing his arm and helping him up.
We all walked on stage, Max and Monte with their instruments in hand, Rob with his drum sticks, and me, nothing. I walked up to the mic, looked back at the guys, Max had tears running down his cheeks, Monte had them too, Rob, you couldn’t tell from far away because of his sunglasses, but he did too, I wiped my cheek, and sure enough, my hand had water on it, so I knew for a fact I was crying too. I turned back to the fans, who were screaming their heads off, and I slightly smiled and said, “Hey, we’re Escape The Fate.” More screams, when they quieted down, I was about to speak again, when somebody yelled, “HEY CRAIG! WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALL SAD AND CRYING?!?!”, a chorus of ‘yeahs’ and ‘what’s wrongs’ and even a few ‘let’s get this show on the road’. “Well, Max’s sister, Hayley, who also happens to be my girlfriend, got into a car crash on the way here, and…and she died..instantly..so there was no way in hell the paramedics could’ve helped her. And we just found this all out like two minutes ago, from her best friend, Juliet. So, that’s why we are crying and sad. A certain part of our hearts are gone, hell, half of mine is gone. I was going to propose to her tonight, during this show, but, sadly, now, that isn’t going to happen, so sorry if we suck tonight! Oh! And we are only going to play five songs, then we are off to Max’s parent’s house. Okay? Okay!” Everyone cheered, since we were still going to play some songs, and they understood why we weren’t going to play a whole set.
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A Week Later:
Every morning when I wake up, I look over, hoping I see her, but she’s never there. Everything I do, I look for her, but she’s never there. So, here I am one week after the death of the love of my life, getting dressed in black skinny jeans, a black shirt, a black jacket, and some black converse. When I was done getting dressed, I looked at the picture of Hayley, Me, Max, Jules, Rob, Stacey, Monte, and Lexi, we were at a nightclub in L.A., we were all sober and having fun. We had some person take our picture for us; it was a good group picture. Then, I looked at the most recent picture of me and her, we were sitting on my mom’s front porch, while it was raining, we were holding hands and kissing, my sister took the picture when we weren’t paying attention, it was is my favorite picture of us together.
The worst part about the funeral was that she wasn’t there for me to hold or hug or comfort. And throughout the whole ceremony I was questioning why I was still here, standing on earth, and not with the love of my life.
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One Month Later:
I was in major depression, the guys wouldn’t let me out of their sight, not even when I had to use the restroom, I was in a worse state than Max, they thought I was suicidal, it did sound like a good idea, but I knew it was a stupid idea, so, I kept doing concerts and tours, even though I was so depressed. The only reason I did though, was to spread the word about drunk drivers and how dangerous it was to drive drunk. The police said the guy who hit and killed Hayley was drunk.
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Five Years Later:
Max and Jules got married two years after Hayley died, on her birthday.
Robert and Stacey got engaged at Max and Jules’ reception.
Monte and Lexi had one child, which was born on Hayley’s birthday and Max and Jules’ 2 year anniversary.
And me, I’m not dating anyone, nor am I looking, I already found the love of my life, I don’t want to steal someone else’s. I’m just waiting for the day when Hayley and I are reunited, even though I know she would want me to move on, but I can’t. And I always question why I’m still here.
“Yo, Craig, calm it, she’ll be here in a few.” Monte said, throwing an empty water bottle at me. I dodged it, “Money, you know she’s always early, never late, always on time. How can I not worry?” I asked him while I kept pacing. “Dude, she’s probably stuck in traffic, cause it is New York ya know?” Robert said his words of wisdom. “Yeah, traffic, New York..yeah.” I mumbled to myself. “Dude, have you tried calling her?” Rob asked. “Dudes! Have any of you seen my sister?! I’ve tried calling her, and she won’t pick up!” Max stormed in, panicking. I just looked at Rob, more worried than I was before. “No, Max, we haven’t..sorry dude.” Monte apologized. “I’m gonna try to call her again.” Max said walking into the bathroom. “I’m gonna text her..see if she texts back.” I said walking over to and sitting down on one of the couches that were backstage. ‘Babe, where are you? We go on in like 3 minutes.’ I hit ‘send’ and waited and waited and waited and no response. A door slammed open, Rob, Monte, and I all jumped and looked to see where it came from, it was Max, flinging the bathroom door open, “she didn’t pick up guys! Where is she? She would be here by now! She would’ve picked up her phone the fucking first time I called her! Something is fucking wrong guys! Something is wrong!” he was so close to crying and yelling.
SMACK! We all looked over to the exit that goes to the parking lot where the tour buses are. There stood Juliet, Hayley’s best friend, she looked like shit, tears running down her face, eyeliner and mascara smeared down her cheeks, red lipstick smudged on and around her lips, her eyes and lips were slightly puffy and red, her dark hair was tangled, like someone had pulled on it, her clothes were wrinkled and wet, she looked like she had just gotten out of a downpour of rain, or a victim from a horror movie. She was out of breath, looking at us, her eyes looked sad, like someone had killed a part of her, like half of her heart was gone. “Jules? What’s wrong? Where’s Hayley?” Max asked her, running over to her and walking her to a couch. “Escape The Fate! 2 minutes!” another guy yelled. “Jules, tell us what’s wrong. Calm down..shh…we’re here Jules, we’re here..” Max said soothingly as he rubbed her back. “Yeah Jules, tell us what’s botherin ya.” Monte said walking over to the couch where they were sitting. “Yeah, tell us what’s wrong sweetie.” Rob said moving Monte out of his way so he could sit by Juliet. I walked up to her and hugged her, “Jules, you can tell us anything that’s bothering you.” I whispered in her ear. “I know Craig..it..it’s just that..that..” she said, her voice cracking, and she shook her head. “It’s Hayley guys..she..she..” she kept shaking her head. “She what Juliet?” I asked her looking her in the eyes. “She..she…” she tried to say it again. “She what?! Come on Juliet, spit it out already! She’s my sister! Is something wrong with my sister?!?!” Max yelled. Juliet started crying more. “Max, calm down.” “Calm down?! Calm down?! How the HELL am I supposed to calm down Robert?! Something is OBVIOUSLY wrong with Hayley, my sister! How the hell am I supposed to CALM DOWN?!?!?!?!” Max yelled again. “MAX! Your sister was in a car accident! OKAY?! SHE DIED INSTANTLY! HAYLEY FUCKING DIED MAX! YOU LOST YOUR SISTER! I LOST MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND! AND CRAIG LOST HIS GIRLFRIEND! OKAY?!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO FUCKING HEAR MAX?! HUH?!” Juliet lost it. I just stared at her. ‘Dead? She-She’s dead? No, I was going to propose to her tonight, right after we played Not Good Enough, her favorite song. No, this can’t be happening to me, no, she may be injured, but she isn’t dead.’ “Wha-What?” Max asked, letting his hand fall off her back. “Max, I am so so sorry, but she’s gone…she..she..she’s in a..a..better place now..” Jules whispered. “How can she be in a better place and leave me here? Jules, I was going to propose to her..tonight..” I said quietly. “Craig..I..I’m sorry, but..I know she loved you, she always will.” Juliet said just above a whisper. “ESCAPE THE FATE! YOU’RE ON!...NOW!” the annoying guy yelled. “WE’RE COMING!” I yelled back. “come on guys.” I whispered to Max, Rob, and Monte. “Are you kidding me Craig?! We just lost a member of our fucking family! We are NOT playing tonight!” Max screamed. “Max, come on, I have an idea, okay, just, come on.” I said lightly grabbing his arm and helping him up.
We all walked on stage, Max and Monte with their instruments in hand, Rob with his drum sticks, and me, nothing. I walked up to the mic, looked back at the guys, Max had tears running down his cheeks, Monte had them too, Rob, you couldn’t tell from far away because of his sunglasses, but he did too, I wiped my cheek, and sure enough, my hand had water on it, so I knew for a fact I was crying too. I turned back to the fans, who were screaming their heads off, and I slightly smiled and said, “Hey, we’re Escape The Fate.” More screams, when they quieted down, I was about to speak again, when somebody yelled, “HEY CRAIG! WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALL SAD AND CRYING?!?!”, a chorus of ‘yeahs’ and ‘what’s wrongs’ and even a few ‘let’s get this show on the road’. “Well, Max’s sister, Hayley, who also happens to be my girlfriend, got into a car crash on the way here, and…and she died..instantly..so there was no way in hell the paramedics could’ve helped her. And we just found this all out like two minutes ago, from her best friend, Juliet. So, that’s why we are crying and sad. A certain part of our hearts are gone, hell, half of mine is gone. I was going to propose to her tonight, during this show, but, sadly, now, that isn’t going to happen, so sorry if we suck tonight! Oh! And we are only going to play five songs, then we are off to Max’s parent’s house. Okay? Okay!” Everyone cheered, since we were still going to play some songs, and they understood why we weren’t going to play a whole set.
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A Week Later:
Every morning when I wake up, I look over, hoping I see her, but she’s never there. Everything I do, I look for her, but she’s never there. So, here I am one week after the death of the love of my life, getting dressed in black skinny jeans, a black shirt, a black jacket, and some black converse. When I was done getting dressed, I looked at the picture of Hayley, Me, Max, Jules, Rob, Stacey, Monte, and Lexi, we were at a nightclub in L.A., we were all sober and having fun. We had some person take our picture for us; it was a good group picture. Then, I looked at the most recent picture of me and her, we were sitting on my mom’s front porch, while it was raining, we were holding hands and kissing, my sister took the picture when we weren’t paying attention, it was is my favorite picture of us together.
The worst part about the funeral was that she wasn’t there for me to hold or hug or comfort. And throughout the whole ceremony I was questioning why I was still here, standing on earth, and not with the love of my life.
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One Month Later:
I was in major depression, the guys wouldn’t let me out of their sight, not even when I had to use the restroom, I was in a worse state than Max, they thought I was suicidal, it did sound like a good idea, but I knew it was a stupid idea, so, I kept doing concerts and tours, even though I was so depressed. The only reason I did though, was to spread the word about drunk drivers and how dangerous it was to drive drunk. The police said the guy who hit and killed Hayley was drunk.
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Five Years Later:
Max and Jules got married two years after Hayley died, on her birthday.
Robert and Stacey got engaged at Max and Jules’ reception.
Monte and Lexi had one child, which was born on Hayley’s birthday and Max and Jules’ 2 year anniversary.
And me, I’m not dating anyone, nor am I looking, I already found the love of my life, I don’t want to steal someone else’s. I’m just waiting for the day when Hayley and I are reunited, even though I know she would want me to move on, but I can’t. And I always question why I’m still here.
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