What Truly Hurts the Most

It was almost four years ago when one of the worst days of my life happened. My brother's best friend, a person who was there for me almost as another brother, died. His name was Patrick Alan Carpenter, he was born on May 12, 1988 and he died January 1, 2007. It was New Year's Eve, it was supposed to be the beginning of the new year, not the loss of a life loved by everyone who had the opportunity to meet him. He was always around my house hanging out with my brother Jesse and keeping him out of trouble. But nothing could have prepared us for this loss. A loss that struck out hearts like a thousand knives. My life turned around on that day, and it has never been the same.

He was at a New Year's Eve party with his friends, and it was a bit icy outside. He was drinking, and when he left he had Austin and Tony with him in the Ford Explorer that was his. His friend had a good idea of speeding on the icy roads of an Iowa winter. He was drunk, and well, he wasn't thinking straight, so of course he went along with it. But I must be thankful for that other friend that was there, driving along beside him. Without him being there there was a great chance that we would have lost two other lives that night as well as Pat's. He was on the curve coming into Central City from the south. Right by the bridge before the Bard Conrete place. That's where it happened. Just five short miles from my home. I could see the lights from the rescue vehicles from my porch. The speed limit there is 55 miles per hour, in the police reports he had to have been going at least 80. He was ejected from the vehicle. He died instantly from a sever neck break. There was no pain. That's what we were told.

As I have said before Pat was like my brother, at one point he lived with my family and I. My brother's only best friend. I'd like to say that the pain has lessened over these past few years, but I'd be lying. And as much as I would like to forget the pain that I went through on that day, I don't. I never want to forget the day that my brother left me on this world to suffer without him. I still dream of him all the time, I still cry myself to sleep at night when I cherish all of the good times we had. I learned an enormous lesson that day and through all of the pain, though. I learned that no matter what, do not drink and drive, and honestly what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. In this case it wasn't a physical type of strength, it was mental and emotional strength. I'm still coping with the affects of this today. I will for the rest of my life. I love you and I miss you Pat, we all do, and we always will.