If I Die Young

“If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of rose. Sink me in the river at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song,” Jamie sang dancing around the room.

She sings that everyday. It bugs the crap out of me. I guess it’s because I’m the only one who knows why she sings it.

“Moose, why do you keep singing that song? Is your stereo stuck on repeat?” Jackson said, laughing.

“No reason,” Jamie said, biting her lip. “I just really like that song.”

I watched as she pulled the loose strings of the old flannel shirt she was wearing today along with black skinny jeans with holes in the knees and a pair of vans that looked like they were about to fall apart. She only to be that she knew she was going to die young. She didn’t want to tell the rest. Jaime claimed that they worried too much about her. She wanted to worry about them for once. I refused to believe that she was going to die anytime soon. She had too much to live for. Why would all of that be taken away from her? I rolled my eyes at her answer and got up from my seat in the living room of the house we all shared. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“What’s his problem?” I heard Jackson asked Jamie behind me.

I didn’t hear her answer. I’m guessing she just gave him a shrug for him to drop it. She knew the answer but it probably hurt for her to say anything about it. I sat down on the steps of the deck watching the sky. It had rained a couple of hours before. The sky was bright and the ground was wet. This was my favorite weather; right after the rain stops. Jamie loves the rain. She loves everything about it. I reached in my pocket for a cigarette. I took a drag, missing the feeling. I watched the smoke fill the space before me. I only smoked when I was stressed.

“I really wished you would stop smoking,” I heard Jamie say as she sat down beside me. “It will kill you.”

I snorted. Jamie glared at me.

“What?” She snapped.

“I just find it funny that you giving me a lecture about how smoking can kill me when you’re the one who thinks she’s going to die soon,” I said, chuckling.

“I wasn’t giving you a lecture. And I never say soon. I just said at a young age.”

“Whatever.”

I went to take another drag but Jamie flicked my cancer stick out of my hand. I glared at her. She was smiling like always.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“I don’t want you to die. I want you to live a long health life.”

I shook my head, putting it in my hands. Sometimes, I don’t know how I handle her. I don’t know how any of us handles her.

“Scott, do you think God will make me a rainbow to shine down on y’all so that I can let y’all know that I’m ok?” She was staring as the rainbow that was now in the sky after a long rain.

“I don’t know. But I don’t think we’ll see since we’ll be really old when you die. Maybe even die at the same time as you do.”

She shook her head. “You’re not getting it. I’m going to die way before you do, or any one of the guys do. I’m ok with that. Why can’t you be?”

“How can you be ok with that? You have so much to live for?”

“If that’s what’s going to happen to me, than what’s the point of fighting it.”

“I don’t know. How about life? Don’t you love life, Jamie,”

“Of course, I do. But what is here for me to stay for?”

“ A lot of things. I’m going to show you. I promise.”

Jamie opened her mouth to say something but she never got to. Zack came running out side like a four year old on a sugar rushed. He ran around her, making her laugh.

“Moose,” He yelled as he picked her up. “I missed you!”

“Zack, it’s been like two hours,” Jamie replied, patting his back awkwardly.

“So? It’s too long for me. I need to see you every hour.”

Jamie rolled her eyes as she laughed. “Did you get everything for the party?”

“Yep, Alec is bringing it. I left it all up for him.”

“Nice.” She put up her hand for him to give her a high five.

Zack high fived her before running into the house, screaming. I could hear Jackson telling him to shut up. Alec was stomping around the house. Jackson is the oldest of the group. He’s known Jamie the longest, too. They’ve been friends since she was four and he was seven. The age difference really didn’t really matter to them. Jackson took her in when her parents kicked her out and she’s been living there ever since. He had brown and blond hair. Zack was the second youngest of us; Jamie being the youngest. Zack had black hair and gray eyes. He was the most hyper. He never had serious moments but no one cared. Jamie was his partner in crime. Then there was Alec. He went to college with Jackson and I. He was arrogant but a good friend. We put up with him for reasons unknown.

“I can’t wait for the party tonight. I think I invited everyone on my Facebook so that means a lot of people are going to come,” Alec stated, helping Jackson unload the beer.

I rolled my eyes. “Really, Alec? The party hasn’t even started and you’re being arrogant.”

Jamie laughed. “When isn’t he arrogant?”

“Never,” Zack screamed from behind Alec, making him jump.

“Oh, you’re jealous that you don’t get laid like me,” Alec said all proud.

“Oh yeah, cause I want the STDs you have,” Jamie said, rolling her eyes. She walked away.

I laughed, watching her walk away. The look on Alec’s face was priceless. This was what Jamie was going to miss if she believes leaves too soon. I’m going to miss this. She’s apart of all of us and if she leaves then that huge piece of us will be gone. I’m afraid there’ll be nothing left.