Rakastan

If you haven’t been to Finland, you wouldn’t understand how cold it can get, unless you are acclimated to below freezing temperatures, 24/7. I spent the whole night solidly warm. I am an avid person of hugs, I enjoy the security and warmth you get from them. In my world, there was no better place to be right now.
When I woke up, my fever still hadn’t gone away, I was incredibly warm and I tried to press my hand against my forehead to cool it down, but that was stupid. Ville still lay next to me, and I noticed he had heaped blankets upon blankets on me. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Morning sunshine,” he said yawning and stretching his arms.
I imitated the movement and he laughed.
“What do you want to do today?” he asked.
“Are we still snowed in?” I asked.
“Not as much, but it is still as much as a winter wonderland than usual,” he replied and looked outside.
“I want breakfast, and then I want to go outside and start a snowball war,” I said very definitively.
“Aren’t you demanding?” he asked and leaned over, pinning me down.
“I just know what I want,” I said.
“So do I,” he replied and kissed the tip my nose and let me go.
I was expecting him to kiss me, and I suppose I’d gotten a little greedy, because I let out a disappointed sigh.
“Why the sad face?” he asked jokingly.
“No reason,” I said back and stood up, removing the massive covers on me.
“Were you warm enough?” he asked giving me a hand to help me stand.
“Yes,” I said and smiled. I unintentionally slid my arms around his waist and cuddled up to him to get warm again.
“You are greedy,” he said as if he could read my thoughts.
“I’m so sorry,” I feigned an apology and smirked.
“You should be, I might not allow you to be so in future,” he said in a tone so serious it silenced me.
He was right, there was no guarantee this was going anywhere, but still the words clutched my windpipe, and I turned around so I wouldn’t have to face him.
“Onto breakfast,” I said half heartedly but my voice came out funny and I knew my fears were conspiring to take over.
I had tasted a good thing, so briefly yet I had always thought it was better to not taste it all so you wouldn’t miss it, but I would kiss Ville once even if it meant I could never do it again.
“Hey,” Ville said and grabbed my wrist and gently pulled me back.
I shook my head so my hair could fall in place of my eyes. I was holding everything in right now, I was so fragile it was pathetic to me.
“You can’t be greedy, I can’t allow it so much,” he said.
“I know, you said it already, this is nothing, it’s fun,” I said trying to sound strong and unfeeling.
His hand slid off my wrist and he uttered an Oh.
“Well what else am I supposed to interpret from that? You don’t even know, Ville, you don’t even know,” I said.
“Know what?” he asked.
“How I feel,” I said.
“Well you were right then, weren’t you? I’m making this out to be much more serious than it needs to be,” he said and tried to walk past me.
“I’m not done,” I say and try to block him.
“I am,” he says coldly and slides past me.
“Ville,” I say and put my foot down with a loud echo around the room, his hand freezes on the doorknob.
“What?” he asks. His emerald eyes are bearing into mine, and I can’t take it.
“I dare you to walk out of that room,” I say and challenge him.
He lets go of the door and turns around to come back to me.
“I dare you to deny anything you felt last night,” he says challenging me.
“What am I denying?” I ask in genuine confusion.
Ville looks just as perplexed.
“You just acted nonchalant, like this is routine, like it’s “fun”,” he says quoting me from earlier.
“You said I can’t be greedy,” I quote him back.
If we both weren’t so serious about this, I’d laugh at our stupidity.
“Yeah, because if you’re always so greedy, I can’t be,” he says.
“I don’t get it,” I say and I truly don’t.
“I don’t want you to be just the one that always wants something, I want things too. I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, I want to fall asleep next to you. I don’t know what any of this is supposed to mean, except I want you,” he says.
I suppose I should be blown away, I should be pinching myself saying Hello Earth to self, but rationale thinking stops me. I’d want him forever and always, but he doesn’t know I’ve been connected to him since awhile ago, to him, I’m just someone he’s met. When will he get tired of me?
“You don’t know how I feel,” I say again.
“Then please tell me,” he says in a plea.
The day before comes rushing back and I decide I can be honest without wholly being honest.
“You don’t get it, you won’t. Yesterday and last night will all I’ve ever get. When you laughed at me sledding, and the people in the sauna, it’s so easy for me to get caught up in that laugh. It’s like a drug, it makes all the worries of anything go away and I’m just happy, I can laugh too. When you smile or smirk, it’s like an automatic duplicate reply from me as well. When you smile at me, like a joke just between us, I feel like cloud nine is never going to let me go. When you hold me and just hug me, it’s security, it’s warmth. When you kiss me, do I even need to explain? Everything about you is imitated in me, I respond to you like a flower bending to get more sun, it’s like you sustain me, and I know that sounds a hell of a lot of creepy, but it’s truth. This is why I can’t get so close, although in my wildest imagination I’d never have seen this coming, because I’m in it too much already,” I fly through the words so fast, I can’t breathe.
“How can you feel all of this after one day?” he asks.
Bloody hell, there goes my whole being honest, without being honest idea.
“It hasn’t been one day. No, I don’t cyber stalk you or put your coordinates in GoogleEarth. Let me clarify….” I begin.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m telling him everything, how it began in a storm and how I am here now. How isn’t my intention to bump into him, how I thought I could forget him, yet somehow he ended up directly in my path. By the end of my tale, I’m crying and I’m sure Ville’s going to think I’m psycho
“Wow,” he says and is rubbing the back of his neck.
I’m silent I don’t know what else to say.
VILLE’s POV
She’s crying before me, breaking, I can see it. Her whole story is so shocking in just that here she is, before me, without planning it. She thinks I find it weird she used my music as a catalyst for her writing. I told her I’ve seen her writing and it doesn’t resemble mine, but that I can feel the feeling from it, like I can mine. I can see where she used me as Muse, but still her creativity is all in its own. When I tell her, she looks relieved yet still scared.
“I don’t blame you for coming to Finland, you evidently adore it here,” I start.
“When I told Cal about your poem, that almost every person has read, I knew I had to find the author. Some people thought a native wrote it, or an old person but I knew better. The way it was written I knew it had to come from outside admiration, I knew that the way it was written, there was a longing to see it firsthand. That’s why I told Cal, “We have to find her.” H thought I was crazy for saying her, but I knew it wasn’t an old person or anything else, I could read through that. When he said he tracked the author to the states, I enlisted Bam to help me. He grudgingly scoured poetry contests, etc. I knew your type of talent couldn’t be hidden, yet you were so secretive you could have slipped under the radar. After Bam found you, it was all falling into step after that, you coming here, you studying here, yet Cal never told me that I had been right, that you weren’t old or etc. When I read your poems, I was drawn in, I felt a connection and maybe it’s because you were using me as well as a type of creative influence, but there was a whole other reason too. There’s something about you, I can’t put my finger to, and here we are today,” I pause and look at her.
“You can’t be serious?” she asks.
“About?” I press.
“Any of that, you’re just saying it to make me feel better,” she says.
“I swear to you I’m not,” I say.
“This is weird,” she says.
“I know, but it’s funny how life works,” I say unsure of what else to say.
“It is crazy,” she says.
“So maybe you found me, before I found you but yesterday, I wasn’t interested in anything romantic, I just thought your creativity should be unleashed, that you should come here, to where you admired. I’m a native Finn and to read someone who wasn’t yet express it, I thought I could learn from you, to appreciate things more, especially something I should appreciate, my home. I thought learning that appreciation would help me somehow in my life, that’s sometimes more of a mess than I can untangle. Yet, being with you is so easy, the chemistry for me, is nothing I’ve experienced before and I’m falling Jaclyn, and I don’t want this to be some fun fling, I’m afraid to lose something I haven’t quite gotten yet,” I say and look at her.
She doesn’t know what to say and she looks like she can’t believe any of it.
Jac’s POV
His words don’t sound rehearsed and this whole finding each other, is crazier than I could think of. He was seeking me out, and he found me. The place I didn’t think to find him, and here he was we were miracously brought together.
“I, I’m afraid this is going to disappear,” I admit.
“Then don’t go anywhere, because I’m not going to let you,” he says and unexpectedly kisses me.
“You’re such a cliché with your phrases,” I say with a small laugh.
There is a sudden pain in my side.
I let out a small cry.
Ville pulls away and looks at me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“My phone, get Sen,” I say and cry out again.
The sharp pain in my abdomen increases.
Ville looks like he’s to freak out.
“My appendix,” I mutter and grab at my side trying to put pressure.
“What?” Ville says and he’s in a rush to get my phone, that the whole chaotic scene is making me laugh somehow.
“Ow, ow, ow,” I scream with each laugh.
“Stop laughing,” Ville orders and I can tell he’s on the phone now as he frantically explains to Sen.
I let out one more laugh before, the pain consumes, me.