Rakastan

I’ve had health problems for a few years now, always forwarned. I had told Sen when I first got to Finland, just in case anything had happened.
Of course, knowing my luck, it did,
Ville didn’t seem to panic as much as soon as the ambulence came. The only thing I recalled upon waking up was the immense pain I had been in and Ville frantically trying to call Sen.
Blue eyes greeted me instead of green.
“Hey, how are you doing?” Sen asked taking in my appearance.
“Okay,” I replied still looking for that familiar pair of green eyes.
“He’s not here,” Sen said answering my unspoken question.
“Oh,” I said dejected.
I turned my head away out the window, the snow storm had ended.
“What day is it? When can I leave?” I asked Sen anxious to just leave.
“It’s Friday and you can go home in the morning,” he said.
Sen had to leave for his class and I was stuck in a foreign hospital with no visitors. In America they had push buttons to call for the nurse, here they did not, so I had no idea what to do.
“Nurseeee,” I called out in English.
That didn’t work.
I tried moving my side to roll out of bed, but my stitches prevented me from making any real progress.
I couldn’t even reach my cell phone that laid on the table.
“Ughh,” I sighed and settled back on the pillows that had been propped up. Maybe, if I went to sleep, I’d wake up to find him here.
Waking up, before my eyes opened I felt a weight on my bed. My eyes flew open.
Eureka.
“Hey, love” she said and her words reminded me of him.
Had I dreamed everything?
“Where was I before this?” I asked.
“Ville’s” she said slowly.
“Do you have amnesia?” she asked seriously.
“No, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t dream everything,” I replied and turned my head away.
“Remember when you said if anything was good to be true, it probably was?” she asked.
“Yeah and?” I asked annoyed. I wasn’t particularly in the mood for her practicality.
“Do you think?” she paused aware she had gone too far.
“I don’t think, I know,” I said and turned to meet her eyes.
“That’s not true,” she said.
“Then where is he? If someone did this in your presence you’d be at the hospital even if it was a stranger,” I said.
“Maybe he visited, when you were sleeping,” Eureka suggested and got up.
“Where are you going?”I asked her.
“To check the visitor log,” she said and I smiled.
I anticipated a quick return, but Eureka reappeared moments later with a bag of m&m’s.
“He didn’t come, did he?” I asked.
“How did you know?” she asked.
“The candy,” I said and reached for it.
“Are you supposed to eat these?” she asked taking them away.
“I don’t care,” I said and took them back and ripped open the package.
“Be careful,” Eureka said.
“I will, I get to home in the morning,” I said.
“Good,” she said.
“Class on Monday, whoo,” I pretended to be enthusiastic.
“Sen and Taylor are fighting,” Eurkea said making small talk.
“About?” I asked. Those two fought about anything and everything.
“Where to vacation on break,” Eureka said.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m craving some sun,” I said.
“Where is there sun?” Eureka asked.
“I’m not sure, but there’s got to be sun somewhere,” I suggested and ate the last of my candy.
Eureka stayed the night to bring me back the next morning. Sen was coming with his car.
I wouldn’t get discharged until noon and it was nine am.
“What does three hours make?” I asked Sen who was reclining in an armchair while Eureka went to get my discharge papers.
“You could suffer a massive attack, maybe” Sen joked.
“Smart,” I said and swiped him with a flower from the vase that Tanor and Taylor had sent.
“I’ll get you something to kill your boredom,” Sen offered.
“A magazine, I need to study my Finnish,” I said and shot him a daring look.
“Ha, you’ll only be to report gossip,” Sen laughed and left the room.
Eureka came back with Sen carrying a massive array of magazines.
“Thanks guys,” I said and settled in to read.
They each grabbed a magazine and buried their heads in, but pretty soon Eureka was snoring.
The magazines were pretty boring until I cam across a Celebrity one.
“Sen, come here and read with me,” I said and moved over so he could sit beside me.
We read article after aticle about pregnancies and relationships.
I turned my face back out the window and watched the snow fall rapidly.
“Oh hey, an article about Ville,” Sen said and I turned my head.
For a brief moment I was afraid there would be a picture of him and another woman so I squeezed my eyes shut.
“It says they went on tour,” Sen said.
“What?” I said and opened my eyes.
“A small tour?” I asked.
Sen looked at me and showed me an extensive list of 32 tour dates.
“What the fuck?” I asked in disbelief.
“I guess that’s why he hasn’t visited,” Sen said.
“I can’t believe he would just leave like that,” I said hurt.
Sen didn’t know what to say so he squeezed my hand.
My heart dropped and I suddenly didn’t feel good.
“Can you get me a nurse?” I asked Sen.
“Sure,” he said and got up to leave.
A sharp pain in my side caused me to lean forward.
“Sen, hurry,” I said and leaned forward again.
Eureka opened her eyes at my sudden scream.
“JAC,” she yelled and shot out of her chair sending magazines scattering.
Two nurses rushed in. “Get Dr. Thompson,” one of them ordered and the other left.
“What’s going on?” Sen asked.
“She’s going into shock,” the nurse said.
VILLE’s POV
Seeing Jaclyn go into pain like that, made me freak out. I hadn’t heard anyone scream like that in awhile and I wasn’t sure what to do.
I rode with her to the hospital and stayed overnight on Thursday, but had to leave Friday for studio practice.
I heard she was getting dismissed Saturday but wouldn’t be able to see her till Tuesday due to management meeting up north that the whole band was obligated to attend.
I called her cellphone twice to no avail.
By Saturday morning I was anxious to her progress, and called the hospital.
“She’s not being dismissed today,” a nurse informed me.
“What happened?” I asked concerned.
“She suffered a state of shock, could be from the surgery, but the doctor wants to monitor her before she’s released to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” the nurse said again.
“Thank-you,” I said and hung up.

I fiddled in my pocket for my cellphone.
“Mige,” I said when he answered.
“Where are you?” he asked.
“Tell Seppo I’m sorry but I can’t make it,” I said.
“Alright bud,” Mige said.
“Thanks,” I said and hung up.
Seppo would understand.
I hailed a taxi to the Hospital and ran up the stairs to the fifth floor to the nurses’ station.
“Can you tell me what room Jaclyn is in?” I asked.
“Last name please,” the nurse asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said.
“The only Jaclyn we have are a 47 year old Mrs. Dasani and a 20 yr. old Ms. Liev,” the nurse said looking at me.
“Liev,” I said.
“Room 406,” the nurse said and I ran down the corridor.
A tall brown woman greeted me.
“Is this Jaclyn’s room?” I asked.
“Yes, who’s asking,” she asked looking up from her phone and pausing.
“What are you doing here?”she asked perplexed.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re supposed to be on tour,” she said.
She looked like Jaclyn a little but was more curvy with a germanic nose.
“Tour?” I asked blindly again.
“Yeah, here look,” she said and gave me a magazine.
I looked and laughed.
“Look at the dates closely,” I said and gave it back to her.
“2009?” she questioned and sighed.
“Wait did that cause?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, it could have offset something but it was probably totally unrelated,” she said.
“How’s she doing?” I asked.
“Okay holding up, the removal of the cysts won;t cause future pain” the girl said.
“Who are you again?” I asked.
“Eureka, Jac’s cousin,” she said shaking my hand.
“I see,” I said.
“Yeah we don’t look much alike. I got this nose and she got a slender straight one,” she joked.
“I can see some resemblance,” I said.
“Yeah, some people can. I got the curves, everyone else in the family has this altheltic build. Say, your eyes remind me of hers,” she said suddenly.
“Yeah?” I asked.
‘Yeah both of your guys’ have that green tint to it, like an emerald,” she said.
“I guess they do,” I said and wanted to see her green eyes again.
“So will there be any effects of appenicitis?” I asked casually.
Eureka stared at me confused.
“Appenicitis?” she asked.
“Yeah, her appendix burst,” I said.
“Did she tell you that?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
A man with jet black hair emerged from the room and looked at me. Eureka cleared up something with him and he smiled.
“I’m Sen,” he said and shook my hand.
“What does she have then?” I asked Eureka again.
Sen looked uncomfortable.
“Jaclyn has the beginning signs of Ovarian Cancer,” she said slowly.
“Since when?” I asked immediately.
“It runs in the family,” Eurkea explained.
“But that doesn’t mean anything,” I said quickly.
“It killed my grandmother and aunt,” Eureka said in a whisper.
“How long has this been going on?” I asked.
“She’s the only one to show signs of it in our generation of the family. Because she’s young, it could be worse as she gets older,” Eureka said.
“But the cysts,” I said.
“Are cancerous,” Eureka said.
“Why would she travel and put herself in,” I couldn’t finish.
“She wanted to see Finland just in case anything ever happened,” Eureka said.
“And me?” I argued as tears came.
“She wanted to put you to rest, she thought achieveing Finland would make the reality that you’re super famous over here and unattainable more clear in her mind,” Eureka said.
“You have to understand, it’s like a cosmic thing, she literally fell for you knowing how absurd it sounded, and somehow strangely she never thought she’d run into you or seek you out, she just wanted to be rational in coming here that you were famous, that you date famous people. I’m not really sure how she planned on getting rid of you in her mind, that’s all that’s driven her writing for six years. She loved you before she met you, and it’s like her soul was meant to find yours, but she didn’t expect it literally,” Eureka said.
“I’m more than a famous person,” I said.
“Don’t be confused. She doesn’t like you for fame, or think you care just about that. She just thought being where she always wanted and where you are big would make it clear to her that you would never know her, never meet her, that’d she would have no chance in vere meeting you privately or even publicily to impress you,” Eureka continued.
“If she doesn’t want to be famous, why does she sumbit her writing?” I asked.
“Don’t you see? She admires your writing, she writes like you;ve given her the talent. If you stop, she will. She’s always been gifted but her writing is so personal for her to share it with anyone was a huge step, she was nervous no one would get it or like it, but she submitted it because she believed maybe it would get back to you somehow. She wanted your opinion of it, she loved you, but she didn’t expect it back, she consented that she would never love anyone like she loved you because you took her soul. Every step to get over you, has only led to you, but she won’t admit it. She writes because of you, because you influence her and she wants to share the beauty of you through her writing to the world. She wrote the Finland one because of you, she wanted your attention and then she would of went to Helsinki maybe just once to see if she ran into to you, but not purposefully seek you out. She came here to forget you, but I know the truth is you came here so she wouldn’t forget you, “ Eureka finished.
‘I’m directly in her path,” I said.
“Yeah, and that’s the way it’s meant to be,” Eureka finished and opened the door.
“Why don’t you go see her, she’s been waiting,” Eureka said.
I went into the room blinded by the water from my eyes. I sat on the bed and grabbed her hand. It wasn’t enough. I lifted the blanket and laid next to her, taking her in my arms. Every embrace was so fragile now.
‘Ville?” she murmured.
“Shhh, sleep, I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
She brough her hand up to my face and rested in on my chest, searching for my hand again. I grabbed hers and pressed my face into her hair where my tears fell silently despite the gaping hole in my chest.