Rakastan

As a caution I had to go to the hospital to make sure I didn't have any wounds. I escaped with minor bruises and the need to just sleep. Sen had luckily worn a bullet proof vest do his injuries were minor although if Taylor hadn't urged him to wear one he would have gotten fatal injuries. Ville didn't let me out of his sight and offered to let me stay at his house. I took my familiar position on his couch and turned my head away. I hadn't said mire than two words to him except thank you. I heard him in the kitchen makng noise as the coffee pot whistled. The aroma drifted back into the small room and I was suddenly dying to have food. I couldn't face ville, I still felt nervous about his comment from earlier. Taylor had filled him in everything and I wasn't sure what he thought of me now. How did he know I hadn't lied about absolutely everything? Tabor assured me that sen and mine identity would be kept as the media broke the story and that I hadn't a reason to fear repercssions from today in the future. I wasn't concerned with any o that. I had witnessed someone die by a sniper rifle in front of me, had felt their blood warm on my face and cool as their shade left her body. The scene replaying didn't make me sick although you would think I would have nightmares. No something else was bothering me. No one else could know who was involved today, ville would never tell the band. I despised secrets, the reason I exposed mine so soon. Now Ville and I shared one, but it wasn't the one I wanted to share. I sat up from the couch, pulled my boots on and slipped out the front door.

The air was cold. I had showered at headquarters of the Turku police station five times wanting my body to be clean although in fact the blood had only landed on my clothes. Taylor took me shopping quick just to get a change of clothes as we had disarded and burned the others. I heard the door creak open behind me and turned around to see Ville holding two coffee cups. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled. I shrugged mine back and met him on the steps to take a cup. We sat on the steps and didn't speak for a few minutes. The silence was biting me.

"What did you mean before, when you said I wasn't what you expected?" I asked him.
"do I have to explain that?" he asked back sipping his coffee.
"No," I said quietly.

I looked down at my coffee wishing the warmness could stop the dull cold that was built in my throat.

"I didn't mean for you to come along. I didn't know about any of this until three weeks ago and I didn't lie about the poetry. I didn't have appendicitis or ovarian cancer and Eureka wasn't my cousin," I said in a rush. It's that feeling that you know you've done something wrong so you try to distract from it by speaking in a fluid voice about things off topic. I sneaked a gaze at Ville who was looking away from me.
"I know I shouldn't probably be here. I know im," I started to say again but ville cut me off.
" Tou don't have to explain anything that hasn't been made clear to me today already. Nothing is your fault, I'm not a woman not weak just because I'm romantic. I came after you becausei care enough to not trust you. If there is any impression of truth in you it's that you try to hard to be independent in these endeavors. I'm not going to waif around to make sure you're alright, I'm going to be there to make sure of it," he admitted and looked at me. His fingers reached into his pocket for a cigarette and he lit it up. He grabbed both cups that were now empty and stood up. His eyes glanced to the door so I got up to hold it open and followed him inside.

He finished his cigarette and started to take out a frying pan.

"what are you doing?" I asked him.
"Someone told me you like grilled cheese," he said and his smile came out fully.
"Do you know how to make it?" I asked him and took over the stove. He shook his head no.
"Here let's show you," I instructed.
Fifteen minutes later we were sitting down to grilled cheese and water.
"You need to go grocery shopping," I told him staring at our glasses of water.
"I can't believe you eat tomoto soup with this?" he commented taking a bite of his sandwich.
" Well I do. Do you like it?" I asked him after he ate one half in two bites.
"it's different in a very good way," he commented. I laughed at him as finished the other half before I got through my secod slice.
After we finished I helped him with dishes and followed him to the bathroom where he loaned me a new toothbrush. We both stood there awkwardly brushing our teeth.
"well never thought I'd get to do this with you," I said biting my tongue from laughing.
" Well you've gotten to do alot of things you don't think you would," he replied and was quiet at the double meaning.
I left so he could take a shower. As I sat on the couch again I saw a movement in the corner of my eyes and looked again. A huge moth was flapping around the room. I hated moths, they terrified me like nothing else. I got up quickly and started to walk away when I looked down at my shirt and saw the insect on me. Seeing their hairy faces up close I screamed for Ville and unzipped my jacket flinging it to the floor before I barged into the bathroom.
" What the fuck is going on?"Ville asked as he popped his head out .
I had tears rollo g down my face.
"there was a giant moth on me," I said and couldn't help but laugh at myself.
"Youre crying over a moth?" Ville asked.
"They are hideously hairy and ugh," I said picturing them.
"you mean like the one on you now?" Ville asked.
Before he finished his sentence I jumped up in a wail and fell forward into the shower taking the curtain down with me.
"i'm joking," Ville said and shut off the water.
I realized his state of nakedness and bashfullh started to climb out of the shower with the curtain still around me. Ville only laughed more and took it from me, he had wrapped a towel around his waist.
"wow," he said laughing as he took my hand. " Why don't you stay withe tonight in case the moth is still downstairs," he said laughing still. I crept out of the bathroom an up the stairs like a fugitive in hiding, all from an insect.
When we had gotten upstairs Ville only bothered to pit pants on before he laid down, his hair was still wet. I detested him for things like this. It was as if he wanted to give me another heart attack in a manner of time.
"What?" he asked staring at me.
"nothing," I replied and laid down on the opposite side of him.
"are you avoiding me?" he asked.
"No," I said and watched as he rested his head next to mine.
His arms grabbed me until he was holding me. It was an embrace I yearned for, one I could sleep to, one I was weary of getting to used to. Him being so close bothered me. I wanted things I hadn't before from him. I rolled over so my face met his and it was only centimeters as his lips closed the distance to mine.
Something was different and every second was more intense more long. I kissed him until my lips were numb and raw. I didn't object as his hands started to slide along the sides of my ribs, pulling my shirt along with it. He hesitated but I placed my palms over his giving him permission and not denying the desire I felt. It wasn't just pure chemistry but a need to be a part of him as a person as well. I didn't stop what was in motion and I gave myself over that night to something that had longing to be set free; my love.