Confessions to My Past

“When are you going to call her?” Sam asked. Dean and he were just speeding down Highway 66, having finished an 8/15 vampire case a few hours ago.
It’s been two months since Lilian had left, and they hadn’t heard from her – just like they hadn’t called her, either.
“Never. She’s safest where she is. Lily doesn’t need me meddling with her life anymore.”
“She wanted to have you in her life, Dean.” Sam turned the flashlight onto the map before him. He didn’t say that Dean was the only person, apart from himself and Bobby, that Lilian knew and trusted; her whole family had been killed, she had had to abandon her friends years ago… she was alone. Completely and utterly alone, yet she was stubborn enough to pull through with her independent life and had left them.
Not that Sam blamed her. Lily wanted to live her life, and that meant no hunting business. Sometimes he wished he’d had the strength to pull that through, too.
But then Sam remembered how painful it had been for Lily to leave Dean, and how it had torn at his brother letting her go.
‘Love can be a bitch.’ Sam thought.
“Maybe. But she didn’t want hunting in her life.” Dean floored the gas pedal, pushing the thoughts about Lilian from his mind. “So, whereto next?”
“People have gone mysteriously missing from the same street in Dallas over the past 10 years…”
“Alright, Oklahoma then.”

*****

“When are you gonna call that guy?” Amy, my best friend, asked as she caught me staring at my phone again.
She was a few inches taller and 4 years older than me, had blonde, wavy hair, a pretty face and brown eyes. We would have passed as sisters, and that’s exactly what she was to me.
I sighed. “Never.”
“Come on, you love him.”
“How would you know?” I asked and helped her filling the bar. I was working two jobs at the moment, one as a waitress at the bar, another one as a clerk in a boutique at weekends, and in a few months when the new term started, I would go to college.
Sure, I had a little money left after buying a nice apartment just outside the city centre of Tampa. But it wouldn’t last forever, and I wanted to be among people, I wanted to work, to finish my education…
“Because first of all, you don’t date. Which means you’re still infatuated with that guy.”
“His name’s Dean.” I said before I could stop myself.
“Oh, a name for mystery lover, finally!” Amy grinned. “And how old is Dean? What job?”
“Stop interrogating me.”
“Don’t make me fill you up with Margaritas and make you spill the answers in a slur.”
“You are such a pain in the ass!” I laughed.
“Answers, or I’ll start pouring liquor.”
“32. Mechanic.”
“Oh, mechanics are hot.” Amy redrew her lipstick and went to unlock the front doors. “Where’d you meet him?”
“A coffeeshop.” That, at least, was the truth.
“Is he good?”
“What?”
“In bed?” Amy said as if I were completely dense.
“I am not going to-“
“Of course he is. Mechanics know how to get things hot and running.”
“You are such a-“
“I know, honey.” She smiled at me.
I felt my stomach lurch and stormed into the bathroom, the second time today, actually.
“I think the sushi we ate yesterday wasn’t of the freshest kind.” I just said as Amy shot me an enquiring look.
“I feel just fine.” She shrugged.
“Yeah, because you washed all the salmonella down with Sake. That should have killed them.”
“You are such a party pooper, Josie.”
I just laughed and got to work, trying to ignore the agonizing pain in my whole torso.

I got home late that night, and barely managed to drag myself under the shower. Letting the hot water run over my body, I pushed away the memories it brought back and instead focused on washing the stress and fatigue away.
Waitressing was one hell of a job; I was up for six hours, always running around, pouring drinks at the bar and serving food outside. The later it got, the more lewd comments Amy and I had to ignore.
I wrapped myself in a fluffy bath robe and let myself fall onto the couch, placing my cup of tea on the table beside me.
It wasn’t easy not to think about how nice it would be having Dean here beside me… I sighed. God, I missed him.
Suddenly the phone rang, and I almost hoped it would be him… hearing his voice again after so many weeks… but it was Amy.
“Josie, I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”
“Oh, how sweet. Yeah, I got home fine. But I won’t go to work tomorrow, can you get someone to fill in for me?”
“Yeah, no problem. What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“My torso hurts like shizzle, and I have a major headache, probably the flu.” I decided I’d go see the doctor if it wouldn’t be gone tomorrow. Apparently, not only my memories of my past life haunted me, but my wounds from it, too.
“I’ll bring DVDs, candy and coffee. Be at your place at five!” With that, she hung up, and I smiled to myself as I leaned back again. I was so glad to have Amy; I wasn’t entirely alone anymore.
Apart from her, I had several other friends, but none of them as close as Amy; they were mostly her clique, and had accepted me readily. It was just that I myself might not be ready diving fully into a normal life again – but I was on my way there.
Next year, Amy and I would go to India for two weeks, then to Abu Dhabi for another week. The thought of it alone made me smile, and I fell asleep on the couch.

*****

Sam was asleep in the passenger’s seat, and Dean was left alone with his thoughts. As always, they drifted off to Lilian.
Feeling masochistic today, he wondered if she had found a new man in her life… if she was going to the movies with him, having picnics in the park… Most of all, though, he wondered if she was happy. If she was okay.
“Sam. We’re there.” Dean hit his brother’s arm lightly as he parked in front of the abandoned warehouse where they suspected a demon to wait for them… but they came prepared.
Dean switched off his phone in case it should ring while they were sneaking up at the demon, then grabbed the Colt, throwing the knife to Sam.
Quietly shutting the Impala’s trunk, they walked inside.