Confessions to My Past

Three torturous rings. With every one, Josie’s heart beat louder against her chest.
Finally he picked up.
“Dean, I’m sorry.”
“Princess, you have no idea how good it feels hearing your voice.”
Josie could have laughed from relief he didn’t just hang up or tell her that they were done for good… well, that could still come.
“Josie… We have a lot to talk about. I don’t want to do this over the phone.”
“Why don’t you come back home, then?”
Dean couldn’t even tell Josie how great those words felt, how they rippled through his whole body. Nothing was fixed between them yet, but he was on his way to change that.
“I will be there tomorrow night.”
“Where are we going now?” Sam inquired, slightly exasperated, when Dean told him to pack his stuff into the car. They’ve been chasing case after case for five weeks now.
“Back home to your girlfriend.” Dean’s smile was the first in a very long time.
Sam’s eyes widened. “Oh, really? You’ve finally grown up?”
“Shut up. Bitch.”
“Jerk.”

“Um, Josie?” Amy said as she caught a pair of very familiar headlights rolling down the street.
“Yeah?” Josie looked up from her magazine.
“Er… well…”
“What?”
Amy let out a breath. “Dean’s coming.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You what?!”
“I called him last night.”
Amy looked at her best friend with a mix of pride and reproach, as if to say; It took you hell of a long time, but I’m so glad you did it. “Finally acting your age and not your shoe size?”
“Honey, I didn’t teach you witty slang so that you could use it against me.”
Amy laughed. “Well, I’m gonna pull Sam out for a long walk, you and Dean talk it all out.”
Josie nodded as she watched Amy bounce out the door, a queasy feeling in her stomach. She had no idea what tonight would bring. She just knew it couldn’t go on the way it had been for five weeks.
She was ripped from her thoughts when the front door fell into its lock. And there he stood, Dean, the love of her life and father of her child. The usual leather jacket that looked so good on him, the usual torn jeans, the usual button-down shirt. He had the worn look on his face he always got when he was constantly hunting without ever getting more than three hours of sleep a night. It made his green eyes glow even more fiercely, and Josie felt how her heart rate increased just by staring into those gorgeous eyes again.
She’d never looked any more beautiful, Dean thought as he took in Josie’s appearance. Her face was tanner, her hair a brighter blonde, her baby bump bigger.
“So…” Dean stepped towards her after they had stared at each other quietly for a minute. “Before we talk, there’s something I’d like to do first.”
Josie was about to ask what that would be when she already felt his arms around her and his lips on hers.
“That’s not fair.” She breathed when he finally released her.
“All’s fair in love and war.”
“And do we fall in the love or war category?”
“Maybe in both.”
They fell silent again.
“Could we sit?” Josie broke the awkward silence. “My back’s starting to kill me.”
“Of course, sorry.”
Josie sat down on the couch she had picked out, together with Amy, and Dean took the armchair adjacent to it. Another silence engulfed them.
“Dean… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run out on you.”
“And I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“I’m afraid those aren’t the core problems, though.” Josie stated faintly.
“No.”
They both sighed.
“Look, I’ve had a lot of time to think, as much as I tried avoiding it…” Josie finally started. Since she hated arguing, she had never really led any reconciling conversations, either. “And I realized that I don’t mind whether we raise our child here or any other place, what matters to me is that we do it together. And… if keeping our son safe means leading a life on the road, I am even willing to do that, if only you are with us.”
Dean looked at Josie and saw how some of her old strength seemed to have come back to her. He wondered how many chances she would give him, and how often they were going to fight until realizing once again they still loved each other and always would.
“Josie…” He took her hand in his. “I love you. And I want you to be happy and safe. The easiest way of doing that would be taking you away, always on the road… but I realized it’s not what you want, and I also know you deserve better than that. I don’t want to destroy the life you want so badly, and I don’t want our son to grow up like Sam and I did. In all my thoughts of how I could best protect you I forgot that you aren’t a damsel in distress and can take good care of yourself. And you have Amy with you, too. I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if anything happened to you or our child, but living on the road isn’t a fool-proof option, either. Truth is, there’ll always be monsters hunting us, and they’ll come wherever we run.”
Josie gently traced his jaw with her fingertips. “What about a compromise? We’ll move just one more time, to a completely new place, and then we stay in that one place, you go hunt when you need to, be home as often as you can. Our son goes to school normally but we still raise him into the hunters’ world?”
Josie left the obvious unspoken: He would have to know about it, as his destiny lay there.
Dean nodded slowly. “If you trust us that we can work it out.”
“Do not ever say ‘work it out’ or ‘figure it out’ again, that never goes well.” Josie’s one corner of her mouth shot up. “We will do it, simple as that.”
“Simple isn’t the word I’d use…” Dean and Josie both knew they were bound to butt heads again, possibly not speak with each other for days, and then have angry reconciliation sex. They could both die, but that’s a risk they had to take if they ever wanted a go at happiness. “…but we’ll make it.”
“So… are we back together again?” Josie fiddled nervously with a lose string of her top.
Dean stood up, sat down beside her and gently pulled her onto his lap, noticing with proud pleasure the extra weight of their child growing in her womb, and kissed her.
“I take that as a yes.”
That’s when it occurred to Dean that Josie had never tried to get him to ask her the question of all questions. For that he was glad, as there were some commitments he wasn’t yet ready to make, maybe not ever.