Confessions to My Past

Amy sat on Josie’s couch, resting her head in her hands. Josie had insisted on going to the clinic alone, claiming she needed to do this alone or she might change her mind.
‘I wish you would, Josie.’ Amy thought sadly. Yet she understood her best friend; having a child at the age of 20 wasn’t something to be taken lightly, especially with the father gone.
She jumped up at the loud sound of someone knocking fiercely at the door.
Amy opened and in front of her stood a gorgeous man in his early to mid thirties, the look in his green eyes bewildered, then sceptical as he looked at Amy.
“I’m looking for Josephine Hepburn-“
“You must be Dean.” Amy interrupted. “You like cutting it close, don’t you?”
“I don’t-“
“I’ll grant you time to explain while we’re in the car. We have some fast driving to do if you don’t want to have serious regrets for the rest of your life.” Amy pulled the door closed behind her, locked it and then took Dean’s arm, dragging him down to the basement where her car stood.
“You mind telling me who you are?”
“Amy. Josie’s best friend, who’ll break your bones if you break her heart again.”
Dean had to smile despite the situation he was in. Then he remembered why he was here, and he asked: “Where is she?”
“You’ll see soon enough…” Amy mumbled and raced through the city until she parked in front of a clinic.
“She’s not…”
“She’s alright. Mostly. Now go.” She shooed him out the car. “And don’t you dare screw up.”
Dean sprinted up the stairs, whereby he caught the clinic’s name: ‘St. Mary’s Gynaecological Hospital’.
Realization hit him with full force.
He pushed open the double-winged doors, taking in the whole room with a practised sweep of his eyes. Dean ignored the looks he got at his entrance, his attention focused on the young woman standing at the counter, with her back to him.
Josie looked around, and her lips parted in surprise as everything else was drowned out: Dean was here. He’d come.
“Lily.” He rushed towards her. “Look, I know I screwed up horribly here-“
“Yes, you did.”
“But I realized that I don’t want to make the same mistakes my father did. I don’t want to push the people I love away, and least of all do I want to live without you.”
Lily’s tone was slightly bitter. “I needed you, Dean, and you didn’t call. Do you know how I felt? I was confused, desperate…afraid. I…” She bit her lip. “…I was going to…”
Abort our child, she was going to say, but couldn’t. It didn’t matter anymore, anyways.
“Lily, I know I might not ever set right what I’ve done, but I’m begging you-“
“Ms Hepburn? Doctor Harrods will see you now.” A nurse interrupted their conversation.
“Thanks, um, I’ll be right there.” Lily turned back to Dean.
“Lily… why are you here?” Dean asked, although he suspected the answer. He just needed to hear it from her, and he had to know he wasn’t too late…
Lilian had long since forgiven Dean. When she looked into his eyes now, saw the worry, the love, the regret, the pain and the determination to be different than his father, she smiled at him and said: “I’d imagined it to tell you in a different place, different time, different circumstances…” She looked at him intently, looking for the slightest reaction on his face when she said: “I’m pregnant. It’s your child, Dean.”
Dean couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t even think. He just pulled Lily into his arms, pressing her against him tightly. She didn’t object.
“I’m so sorry.” Dean whispered.
Lily closed her arms around his waist. She knew he didn’t mean the fact he got her pregnant but the fact he left her alone in this.
“Look, Lily, sweetheart… I know I gambled away every say I might have had in this, but please-“ Don’t go in there and abort our child, Dean was going to say.
Lily knew what he intended to say. “Dean, I know you’ll always be hunting, and I’d be stupid to try getting you to stop. I’m not asking for a perfect apple-pie life. In fact, that would probably creep me out. I just… I just need to know that when our child needs you, you’ll let hunting be, and you’ll be there for him or her.”
“You trust me that I will?” Dean asked incredulous, not so much as that she would ask such a thing of him, but rather that she believed he could do it. He had let her down, how could she still trust in him?
“Yes. After all, you did come today.” She smiled. She knew she should be mad at Dean; but he had had his reasons, and who said that loving the man who fought in apocalypses and hunted monsters and whatnot would be a cakewalk?
“But I wasn’t there when you needed me most.”
“I need you the most right now. So, please, Dean, tell me that we can do this.”
Dean cupped her head in his hand. “We can do this, Lily. We’ll make it work. And I promise that whenever you or our child needs me, I’ll be there.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Lilian breathed and then she finally kissed Dean. “Come on, let’s have a look at our child.” She took his hand and pulled him down the corridor towards Doctor Harrods’ practice.
Dean frowned in confusion. “I thought you…”
“…scheduled an abortion? No, I didn’t. I was going to… but let’s just say I trusted you to show up on time. So I made an appointment for ultra-sound instead.”
How had he been able to ever let her go? Let the beautiful, unbelievable, strong Lilian out of his sight, who trusted in him so much?
“Ms Hepburn.” A middle-aged woman stood up upon their entrance and extended a hand towards them. “And…?”
“Dean Winchester.” Dean said, shook her hand and then followed her invitation to sit down.
“No alias?” Lilian asked quietly with an amused wriggle of her eyebrow.
“Not in this case.” Dean took her hand and kissed her fingers gently before intertwining them with his. He didn’t want to be anybody else in this moment; he was the happiest as himself.
“So, Ms Hepburn, I understand you are in third month? How has the pregnancy been so far?”
Lilian shifted in her chair, not really wanting to say this in front of Dean. He’d just be worried again… “Painful and unpleasant.”
“Any history of injury?”
“Yes. Severe contusions.”
“Let’s take a look.” The doctor stood up and motioned for Lily to lay down on the examination table.
It only dawned on Dean that he was becoming a father when the doctor moved the ultra-sound over Lilian’s lower abdomen. He had often had daydreams about a family on his own… knowing it could never be. And now the woman he loved was pregnant with his child.
“Your organs have received damage indeed… but your child is just fine.” The doctor smiled. “It will grow healthily. But you shouldn’t work the next months, and avoid any kind of strain and stress to ensure an uncomplicated pregnancy. And get checked through regularly.” She turned off the machine. “In a few weeks, we should be able to determine the gender, if you wish to know.”
They thanked the doctor and walked down the corridor again. Dean couldn’t stop smiling. He had laid an arm around Lily’s shoulder and was still working through the fact they would become parents.
“Do you want to know?” Lilian asked.
“What? What it’s going to be?”
Lily nodded.
“Do you?”
“Well. Yes, I think so. I mean, I need to know how to furnish the nursery. We need to think of names, and…”
“Alright, alright, convinced.” Dean chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “Wait, which nursery?”
“In the house that we’re going to buy.”
Dean immediately tensed up.
“Relax. I’m not going to chain you to one place and force you having barbecues with Stepford-neighbours. I don’t want our child to be raised on the road, and actually, I don’t exactly want to be on the road the whole time, either. So I think it would be good having a place of our own… but just so we’re clear: I will NOT become a housewife, and I will NOT raise our child alone with you on the road.”
Dean chuckled. “Babe, I don’t want to miss our child growing up. I’ll be there.”
“Mostly, at least.” Lily spoke his thoughts out loud. “2 days a week at least.”
“Sounds fair. Where do you want to set up base camp?”
“Our home, not base camp. At least try not marinizing everything.”
“Marinizing? Is that even a word?”
“Now it is. But to answer your question: I would have suggested something in the middle, but honestly, I do not want to get stuck in the Mid-Eastern.”
“I’m sure there’s plenty of evil to kill around Florida.”
“You’d be okay with that?”
Dean held open the door for her. “Of course, love. Home is where the heart is, I’ve heard, and that’d be you.”
Lilian smiled and kissed his lips. “Great. Let’s get back to my apartment and start looking. That is, unless you want to tell Sam the news first?”
“Speaking of: I have no idea where he is.”
“You two didn’t split up again, did you?” There was a warning undertone in Lily’s voice. She didn’t die to have the brothers fall back into old patterns.
“No. Not really… we just had an argument… and I drove here before figuring things out with Sam.”
Lily’s mobile rang just then. Fishing it out of her pocket, she looked at the display. A new message from Amy.

Hey J,
car’s parked two blocks south, you got the keys, right? Walked back to your place, wait for you there.
A
P.S. You didn’t mention Dean’s brother’s smoking hot, too.

Lilian let out a laugh.
“What?”
“I know where Sam is.”