Status: Active
Confessions to My Past
Chapter 5 - I Walk This Lonely Road With You
“Do you think there is even one person who got tangled up with the hunter’s world and escaped?” I asked Dean when I cuddled into his arms that night. “For good?”
“No.” Dean sighed and kissed the top of my head. “And those who might have had a chance of escaping invite it back to their lives.”
“Somebody you know?” I smiled into his neck. After three long months, I finally had him beside me again. That feeling of being completely safe was finally restored to me.
“Only briefly.”
“That so.”
“Yeah… though she just happens to be the greatest woman I have ever met, and I do hope spending the rest of my life with her.”
“That sounds very committing for a Dean Winchester.”
“She’s worth it.”
“Just like the hunter is who I let back into my life.”
Dean pulled me a little closer. “Why did you decide to do it, anyways?”
“What? Screw my new life to hell?” I ran my hand over his chest. “Because I realized I didn’t want to live without you… and that getting knocked up might not have been part of my plan… but that I like the idea of having a mini you growing inside of me.”
To be quite honest, that feeling had only come the moment Dean showed up at the hospital – showing me that he really was the hero I knew he was.
I had wanted to escape the morose hunting business, wanted to live a normal life (with a few little extra-precautions, such as painting a devil’s trap on the underside of the carpet in the entrance hall) and most of all, I did not want to get stuck at home with kids. The last part, at least, I was still intent on avoiding, and I would – but I didn’t mind the idea of having a child anymore. Because it was Dean’s.
I realized that everything was perfect as it was. Sure, the road before us would be a bumpy one, and most surely not the easiest. But Dean and I had figured it out, and we would walk this road together – so it was going to work.
*****
Sam carried the remaining dishes into the kitchen, where Amy took them and put them in the dishwasher.
“Hey, Sam…” She started when she’d pressed the ‘Start’ button.
“Yeah?”
“When you left for Stanford… did you really think you could escape?” Amy sat down at Josie’s dining table again to finish her wine.
“Did you think you could?”
Amy snorted. “Touché.” She took a sip to gain her some time to answer. “I think I believed it at that time. But deep down I always knew it would come back and pull me back in.”
“How did you know what Dean and I do, by the way?”
“Well, for one, having grown up in a family of hunters, I know one when I see one. Then, I knew Josie had a hunter’s past at least to some degree.”
“How so? She doesn’t exactly look the type.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Amy smiled at the thought of her best friend. “But when a girl suddenly shows up out of nowhere, no friends, no family, doesn’t talk about her past, then you know the pentagram pendant around her neck isn’t just for giggles. I figured she wanted to forget as much as I did – we had an unspoken agreement to let each other’s past be. And when she talked about the guy she still loves… I just knew he’d be a hunter. At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to let Dean enter her life again… Josie had just made it, she made the break… got out of there. I didn’t want her be forced back in.”
“She’s lucky to have you.” Sam said sincerely. Amy reminded him of Dean, in a way; the older sibling who wants to keep his or her loved ones safe at every price.
Amy smiled at him. “I’m glad you think so. We look out for each other. And I’m glad to see her happy, even if that means we’re both back in.”
Sam frowned, a motion Amy caught immediately. “You didn’t think I would leave her alone, did ya? You, Dean and Josie are stuck with me, cause I’m not letting that girl outta my sight.”
Sam chuckled. “She’s gonna love that. Dean AND you fussing over her and watching her every move.”
“You seem to know her very well.” Amy asked not without ulterior motive; maybe she’d get Sam to spill how close Josie and he had been or still are. Because if Sam was Josie’s ex, however long ago that might have been, he was out of her league. Amy was nothing if not loyal.
“She’s like a little sister to me. Josie… she trusted in me even if nobody else did.”
Amy felt relief spread out inside of her. Nothing stood between a little thing between her and Sam, because she had to admit that he was extremely good-looking – and taller than her, which was very seldom the case in a man. Of course, last thing Amy wanted was to get stuck with a hunter, but for Sam she was ready to make an exception.
*****
I stretched comfortably before I got up with a yawn. Dean was still sleeping, and I decided yesterday had been rough enough a day for him (after all, finding out your again-girlfriend was pregnant wasn’t exactly everyday news), so I let him sleep. Noiselessly, I slipped into a comfy shirt and shorts.
As I cracked some eggs to make scrambled eggs for breakfast and threw some slices of bread into the toaster, I realized I didn’t know where Sam and Amy had gone yesterday night. I had two guest beds, but I doubted they’d share a room, and Amy had an apartment on her own… Curiosity getting the better of me, I peeked into the entrance hall.
Amy’s navy boots were still there.
I looked onto my couch: Nobody sleeping there.
I let out a quiet laugh. Amy could work as fast as Dean, it seemed.
Stifling a yawn, I set water to boil for Amy’s tea and switched on the coffee machine for myself, Dean and Sam.
“Just where do you think you’re going, sweetheart?” I asked amusedly as Amy snuck past the kitchen door.
“I’m not here, you don’t see me.”
“Au contraire, my love: I see you, and I want to know-“
Sam appeared beside Amy, looking slightly dishevelled. The look on their faces told me enough.
“Never mind. I do not want to know.”
Amy shrugged, a grin on her face. Then she caught the coffee cup in my hand. “You can’t drink that, Josie!” She snatched it from my hands before I could even react.
“Why the hell not?” Telling me I couldn’t drink coffee: Not a good idea.
“Because you’re pregnant!”
“Yeah, and last time I checked, coffee didn’t contain alcohol, so hand over my life saver! Besides, what do you know about pregnancies?!”
Sam looked between the two of us with a look on his face as if they were speaking a different language.
“Amy, trust me: We’ll live in a more peaceful world when she gets her coffee.” Dean said as he walked into the living room.
“But it’s irresponsible.”
“I’ll do something irresponsible if you don’t hand it over.”
“When you’re resolving to death threats, it’s serious.” Amy frowned and reluctantly handed it back to me. “Just one cup!”
“Yeah, yeah.” I grumbled and turned back into the kitchen after I gave Dean a good-morning kiss on the cheek. The three of them followed me and talked pleasantly while I got out a pan for the scrambled eggs.
As the smell of cooking eggs hit my nostrils, my stomach lurched.
“Take over.” I just said and handed Dean the pusher.
“What-“
I just stormed out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. After puking my guts out – that’s how it felt, anyways – I brushed my teeth and weakly walked back into the kitchen. “Don’t ask.”
Dean looked at me concernedly, proudly and amused, but didn’t say anything.
His phone rang then, and he quickly got it out of his pocket, looked at the caller ID and picked up with a frown. Motioning for Sam to take over behind the hearth (quite a comical picture, somehow) he said: “Hey, Bobby.”
He closed the kitchen door behind him, and I already had that feeling of doom creeping up my neck. With a sigh, I got the tea ready.
“Hey.” Amy said softly. “You okay?”
“Apart from feeling sick to my every bone? Terrific.”
“Don’t even bother trying to lie to me.”
I shook my head. “Another time.”
“Alright.”
Dean came back in just when everything was ready for breakfast, a guilty look on his face.
I forced myself to smile: “Ghoul? Demon? Godzilla?”
“Not sure yet.” Dean looked me into the eye, though it was obvious he’d rather not. “Bobby just said that its body count is increasing with each day…”
I kept myself from letting out a sigh. This was what I signed up for, after all… I just hadn’t guessed it would start so suddenly with such a force. It strained me more than I had thought – how would I keep this up for the rest of my life?
“I’ll make you some coffee and sandwiches for on the road.”
“No.” Dean sighed and kissed the top of my head. “And those who might have had a chance of escaping invite it back to their lives.”
“Somebody you know?” I smiled into his neck. After three long months, I finally had him beside me again. That feeling of being completely safe was finally restored to me.
“Only briefly.”
“That so.”
“Yeah… though she just happens to be the greatest woman I have ever met, and I do hope spending the rest of my life with her.”
“That sounds very committing for a Dean Winchester.”
“She’s worth it.”
“Just like the hunter is who I let back into my life.”
Dean pulled me a little closer. “Why did you decide to do it, anyways?”
“What? Screw my new life to hell?” I ran my hand over his chest. “Because I realized I didn’t want to live without you… and that getting knocked up might not have been part of my plan… but that I like the idea of having a mini you growing inside of me.”
To be quite honest, that feeling had only come the moment Dean showed up at the hospital – showing me that he really was the hero I knew he was.
I had wanted to escape the morose hunting business, wanted to live a normal life (with a few little extra-precautions, such as painting a devil’s trap on the underside of the carpet in the entrance hall) and most of all, I did not want to get stuck at home with kids. The last part, at least, I was still intent on avoiding, and I would – but I didn’t mind the idea of having a child anymore. Because it was Dean’s.
I realized that everything was perfect as it was. Sure, the road before us would be a bumpy one, and most surely not the easiest. But Dean and I had figured it out, and we would walk this road together – so it was going to work.
*****
Sam carried the remaining dishes into the kitchen, where Amy took them and put them in the dishwasher.
“Hey, Sam…” She started when she’d pressed the ‘Start’ button.
“Yeah?”
“When you left for Stanford… did you really think you could escape?” Amy sat down at Josie’s dining table again to finish her wine.
“Did you think you could?”
Amy snorted. “Touché.” She took a sip to gain her some time to answer. “I think I believed it at that time. But deep down I always knew it would come back and pull me back in.”
“How did you know what Dean and I do, by the way?”
“Well, for one, having grown up in a family of hunters, I know one when I see one. Then, I knew Josie had a hunter’s past at least to some degree.”
“How so? She doesn’t exactly look the type.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Amy smiled at the thought of her best friend. “But when a girl suddenly shows up out of nowhere, no friends, no family, doesn’t talk about her past, then you know the pentagram pendant around her neck isn’t just for giggles. I figured she wanted to forget as much as I did – we had an unspoken agreement to let each other’s past be. And when she talked about the guy she still loves… I just knew he’d be a hunter. At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to let Dean enter her life again… Josie had just made it, she made the break… got out of there. I didn’t want her be forced back in.”
“She’s lucky to have you.” Sam said sincerely. Amy reminded him of Dean, in a way; the older sibling who wants to keep his or her loved ones safe at every price.
Amy smiled at him. “I’m glad you think so. We look out for each other. And I’m glad to see her happy, even if that means we’re both back in.”
Sam frowned, a motion Amy caught immediately. “You didn’t think I would leave her alone, did ya? You, Dean and Josie are stuck with me, cause I’m not letting that girl outta my sight.”
Sam chuckled. “She’s gonna love that. Dean AND you fussing over her and watching her every move.”
“You seem to know her very well.” Amy asked not without ulterior motive; maybe she’d get Sam to spill how close Josie and he had been or still are. Because if Sam was Josie’s ex, however long ago that might have been, he was out of her league. Amy was nothing if not loyal.
“She’s like a little sister to me. Josie… she trusted in me even if nobody else did.”
Amy felt relief spread out inside of her. Nothing stood between a little thing between her and Sam, because she had to admit that he was extremely good-looking – and taller than her, which was very seldom the case in a man. Of course, last thing Amy wanted was to get stuck with a hunter, but for Sam she was ready to make an exception.
*****
I stretched comfortably before I got up with a yawn. Dean was still sleeping, and I decided yesterday had been rough enough a day for him (after all, finding out your again-girlfriend was pregnant wasn’t exactly everyday news), so I let him sleep. Noiselessly, I slipped into a comfy shirt and shorts.
As I cracked some eggs to make scrambled eggs for breakfast and threw some slices of bread into the toaster, I realized I didn’t know where Sam and Amy had gone yesterday night. I had two guest beds, but I doubted they’d share a room, and Amy had an apartment on her own… Curiosity getting the better of me, I peeked into the entrance hall.
Amy’s navy boots were still there.
I looked onto my couch: Nobody sleeping there.
I let out a quiet laugh. Amy could work as fast as Dean, it seemed.
Stifling a yawn, I set water to boil for Amy’s tea and switched on the coffee machine for myself, Dean and Sam.
“Just where do you think you’re going, sweetheart?” I asked amusedly as Amy snuck past the kitchen door.
“I’m not here, you don’t see me.”
“Au contraire, my love: I see you, and I want to know-“
Sam appeared beside Amy, looking slightly dishevelled. The look on their faces told me enough.
“Never mind. I do not want to know.”
Amy shrugged, a grin on her face. Then she caught the coffee cup in my hand. “You can’t drink that, Josie!” She snatched it from my hands before I could even react.
“Why the hell not?” Telling me I couldn’t drink coffee: Not a good idea.
“Because you’re pregnant!”
“Yeah, and last time I checked, coffee didn’t contain alcohol, so hand over my life saver! Besides, what do you know about pregnancies?!”
Sam looked between the two of us with a look on his face as if they were speaking a different language.
“Amy, trust me: We’ll live in a more peaceful world when she gets her coffee.” Dean said as he walked into the living room.
“But it’s irresponsible.”
“I’ll do something irresponsible if you don’t hand it over.”
“When you’re resolving to death threats, it’s serious.” Amy frowned and reluctantly handed it back to me. “Just one cup!”
“Yeah, yeah.” I grumbled and turned back into the kitchen after I gave Dean a good-morning kiss on the cheek. The three of them followed me and talked pleasantly while I got out a pan for the scrambled eggs.
As the smell of cooking eggs hit my nostrils, my stomach lurched.
“Take over.” I just said and handed Dean the pusher.
“What-“
I just stormed out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. After puking my guts out – that’s how it felt, anyways – I brushed my teeth and weakly walked back into the kitchen. “Don’t ask.”
Dean looked at me concernedly, proudly and amused, but didn’t say anything.
His phone rang then, and he quickly got it out of his pocket, looked at the caller ID and picked up with a frown. Motioning for Sam to take over behind the hearth (quite a comical picture, somehow) he said: “Hey, Bobby.”
He closed the kitchen door behind him, and I already had that feeling of doom creeping up my neck. With a sigh, I got the tea ready.
“Hey.” Amy said softly. “You okay?”
“Apart from feeling sick to my every bone? Terrific.”
“Don’t even bother trying to lie to me.”
I shook my head. “Another time.”
“Alright.”
Dean came back in just when everything was ready for breakfast, a guilty look on his face.
I forced myself to smile: “Ghoul? Demon? Godzilla?”
“Not sure yet.” Dean looked me into the eye, though it was obvious he’d rather not. “Bobby just said that its body count is increasing with each day…”
I kept myself from letting out a sigh. This was what I signed up for, after all… I just hadn’t guessed it would start so suddenly with such a force. It strained me more than I had thought – how would I keep this up for the rest of my life?
“I’ll make you some coffee and sandwiches for on the road.”
♠ ♠ ♠
<3