Confessions to My Past

My world was starting to turn black when shots were fired. The grip on me loosened and I slid down the wall to the floor, completely robbed of any strength.
When I opened my eyes, I just saw Alejandro’s body fall to the ground dead with the hilt of a Guard’s Blade sticking from his chest; then I already felt Dean’s arms around me. “Josie.”
I let out a little cough. I wasn’t able to say anything, so I just wrapped my arms around Dean’s neck. I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest, tears running down my cheeks accompanied by quiet sobs.
“It’s okay, love. I got you.”
I heard faintly how he ordered Sam to take care of the body, then felt how he picked me up and gently set me down on the couch. I refused letting go of him, clung even closer.
I was weaker than in my previous life. Not only physically, but mentally, too.
Dean didn’t rush me, he sat there beside me, stroking my hair, my back, murmuring comforting words.
A knock shook me out of my paralysis. My head shot up, and Dean and Sam looked at each other, both quietly pulling out their guns.
Glancing outside, I saw Mrs Partridge standing outside, an industrious look on her aged face. The porch light shone onto her silver hair and cast a stout shadow onto the ground.
Letting out a groan, I wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes and got up. “I got this one.”
“Josie-“
I waved them off. “Trust me, easiest way we’re alone is letting me handle this. I’ll explain in just a minute.”
Dean didn’t put his gun away, but sat back down.
Doing my best to look normal and not like I’d just been attacked by a revengeful Nephilim who confronted me mercilessly with my past, I opened the door and looked down upon Mrs Partridge who only reached to about my stomach but had the presence of a person three times her size.
“Josephine, dear, I heard shots. And then there’s that strange car parking in front of your house…!”
I sighed inwardly, cursing Dean for insisting on this neighbourhood being ‘so peaceful and just the right environment for us to set up a home’. Some people here had nothing better to do than sit behind half-closed blinds and watch their neighbours’ every move.
Like Mrs Partridge.
“Everything’s fine, Mrs Partridge, I assure you.” Apart from the corpse laying in my living room and me having been almost killed, and of course, the fact that there are a dozen monsters out there who want my baby dead. But apart from that, everything was just peachy.
“But the shots! I feared for your life!” The elderly lady’s face was wide with over-dramatic shock. All she was hoping for was something interesting to happen in her life… preferably at others’ costs.
I let out yet another inner sigh. “A cupboard collapsed. Sounds like shots when it crashes on parquet.” I smiled sweetly. “Thanks for your concern, but everything’s fine.”
Mrs Partridge turned around and looked at Dean’s Impala. “And the car? Could be mafia.”
Now I let out an inner laugh, putting enormous effort into my face not betraying any emotion. “It’s my boyfriend’s. Now, Mrs Partridge, thanks again for checking up on me, but everything’s just fine.”
Even she had to get the hint now. “Very well, dearie. Goodnight. And I would love to meet your boyfriend one day.”
“I’m sure the pleasure’s all his.” I smiled even more sweetly. “Good night.” I closed the door, locked it and blew out air. My fake cheery bravado was falling off of me the second the door fell into its lock.
Sam looked at me amusedly. “Collapsing cupboard?”
“You try coming up with something better.” I grumbled.
Dean looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Pleasure is all his?!”
“Hey, you were the one enthusing about how lovely this neighbourhood is and how close and yet how private everything is.” I narrowed my eyes. “But whatever. I’m used to dealing with crazy old people.” I let myself fall down beside Dean again. After all, my grandparents had lost their marbles growing old, which hadn’t always been easy on my parents. “I’m just insanely glad you’re here. I…” I swallowed down the lump in my throat as the memories came back after I had temporarily pushed them away to function for the neighbours.
Dean seemed to catch the change of my mood. “I think it’s time for you to catch some sleep, love.”
Exchanging glances with Sam, he kept a supportive arm around my waist and accompanied me upstairs, leaving the clean-up to his brother.
The second we entered our bedroom, I felt even the last bit of strength leaving me. I just stripped off my clothes and crawled under the covers that Dean held back for me before sitting down on the edge of the bed, looking down at me with concern. I felt like a little child being tucked into bed; I felt just as safe and protected, though.
“Dean…thank you. For saving me, for showing up when you did and…”
“Josie. Don’t thank me. For one, it’s my fault you’re in this in the first place, and…”
“Dean, stop. It’s not your fault. Don’t ever think that.” I interrupted firmly.
Dean smiled softly at me and caressed my forehead, then my cheek. “I’ll believe it for you, Josie.”
I smiled back at him.
Dean’s face turned serious again. “Even if it’s not my fault… It’s still my job taking care of you and keeping you safe.”
I bit my lips. “But, Dean… you can’t promise me that nothing will ever happen to me. Nobody can, and I don’t want us to try living up to promises we can’t keep. It’ll just tear us apart.”
Dean didn’t say anything for a long time, and I almost dreaded I had said something wrong when he quietly said: “You’re right. As much as I want to, I cannot promise you to always keep you safe. I can’t promise you everything will be alright. I can’t promise you and our child that I will be home every weekend. But I can promise you that I will try and do everything possible and impossible to give you the life you want and to give our child a happy childhood and the life he chooses.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” I whispered and caressed his cheek, deeply touched.
“I ask myself the same every time I look at you.” Dean smiled and kissed my lips gently.
I smiled back into his lips, feeling how his one hand slid over my belly as he leaned over me. “Oh, remember I told you I had news?”
Dean sat back up and looked at me. “Yeah?”
“Well, do you want to know?”
“Depends. Are they good or bad?”
“Neither. Neutral. At least, they should be.”
Dean kissed the fingers of the hand I had intertwined with his. “Stop talking in mysteries.”
“So I take it you want to know.”
Dean just looked at me.
I looked back.
“Yes, please.” He finally said with a sigh.
I smiled up at him. “We’re expecting a boy.”

*****

Amy unlocked the front door to Dean’s and Josie’s house (and hers, too, as she spent more time here than in her own little apartment.) and was greeted by the sight of Sam leaning against the kitchen counter waiting for his coffee to be ready.
“Oh, hi, Amy.” He looked up and smiled.
“Er… Sam? I thought you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow…?”
“Long story.” He yawned.
“Isn’t it always?”
Sam chuckled. “True. You wouldn’t happen to know if there’s some leftover from one of Josie’s infamous curries?”
“Fridge, middle compartment. Josie always cooks too much, she claims it’s a genetic thing, her grandmother and mother did it, too.”
“Well, thank God for that.” Sam grinned and got out the leftovers from last night’s dinner. “You want some, too?”
“Actually, I just got back from dinner… but that’s some hours ago, so sure.” Amy hung her handbag over the chair and waited for Sam to serve the two of them dinner before she asked: “So, you mind telling me the long story?”

Dean watched Josie sleep. As he did, he noticed how her body was all tensed up, even in her sleep, and how she’d clung to him before; it was obvious Josie wasn’t the strong girl she used to be. It was as if the past three years had robbed her of her self-protecting hard shell that made everything just bounce off her without herself taking any damage.
And he wasn’t exactly helping.
He wished to God he could just stop hunting. But he was always aching for the next thrill, the next kill, the next life saved, the next monster slain. As much as he wished it to be different, his destiny was out there, not at home with Josie.
Josie stirred sometime in the morning, a motion that awoke Dean immediately. He opened his eyes and watched how she stretched her curving body (Dean especially appreciated her expanding breasts) and eventually opened her eyes.
“Hello, stranger.” She smiled and ran a hand over his designer stubble.
“As long as I’m the only stranger in your bed, I’m fine with that.”
“Oh, sure you are. The other guys’ names I know.”
Dean growled and kissed Josie fiercely, covering her with his body protectively. Josie squealed and clasped her arms around his neck. When he leaned back to look at her, he said: “I’m sorry, Josie.” For barely being home, for leaving you alone so much when you most need me…
“I don’t want you to be. I knew it would be this way, Dean, and I’m fine with it. Look… All I want is a hint of normalcy. Everything else I can deal with.”
“Yes, but you shouldn’t have to.” Dean stroked her bulging belly, and a strange feeling spread within him, warm, fuzzy, happy. His child was growing there… his son.
“Dean… about last night… we need to talk.”
“I agree. But let’s do it somewhere else, on more neutral ground than in our bed, and if you wouldn’t mind, I’m starving for your breakfast.”
Josie smiled. “Would you love me if I couldn’t cook?”
“Of course. Just not as much.”
Josie playfully slapped his firm stomach and stood up. Immediately she bent over as a searing hot pain surged through her body.
Dean was immediately by her side. “Josie! What’s wrong?”
Josie pressed her lips together. “Nothing. I’m fine. I think the Nephilim-fighting yesterday wasn’t the smartest idea, but I’ll be fine. Promise.”
“I’m taking you to the doctor.”
Josie had to smile. “I didn’t take you for the fussing type, Dean.”
‘And I didn’t, either. Then again, I didn’t take myself for the father type, either.’ Dean thought as he shot a worried side-ways glance at his girlfriend, helping her straighten up.
“Look, I always feel like crap in the mornings, just another day at the office. Let’s just go eat.” Josie slipped on a shirt and shorts, redid her pony tail and marched out of the room, Dean closely behind her.
“Josie! Holy crap, are you okay? I heard what happened.”
“Breathe!”
Amy let her go, and Josie dryly stated: “Good morning to you too. And I’m fine, thanks to Dean and Sam. Relax.”
“I leave you alone for just one evening, and you nearly get killed, and you’re telling me to relax?!”
“Yeah. You’re giving me a headache.” Josie stated as she opened various cupboards and switched on the coffee machine.
“I should have-“
“And don’t you dare blame yourself.”
“How did you-“
“Because I know how you tick.”
“Tyrant.”
“Wimp.”
Josie laughed and slid three cups of coffee onto the kitchen table. “I swear, the coffee-abstinence is the toughest thing. No alcohol, fine. No smoking, whatever. But limited caffeine? Which stupid doctor came up with that?” She said as she watched them each take a cup.
“Honey, it’s only nine months, and you’re already halfway. You’ll stand through it.”
“Easy for you to say.” Josie grumbled.
“Very true.”
“Thanks for the moral support.”
“Girls. Play nice.” Dean chimed in.
“And you!” Josie pointed a knife at him that she was just using to cut tomatoes. “You of all people be quiet. Women got the crappy jobs in nature, fine, but we don’t need men bathing in our misery.”
“Hey, sweetheart, I’ll agree to anything you say when you’re holding a knife.” Dean grinned.
“Great. Go take out the trash.”