Rantz

Have you ever wanted someone so badly that it hurts?

That's how I feel about J. We'll call him that for privacy reasons.

He's the guy I mentioned in my previous rant, Love Can SMD. He's single now, and I'm trying to step up my game and flirt with him more outside of class - like on Facebook and stuff - but it's always awkward because he's hardly receptive and never on long enough for me to get his number.

I could get any guy to like me. My math class of 26 people has 7 girls in it, including myself, and if I stood in the front of the class and asked which one of them was taking me to homecoming, majority of the class would fight over it. A guy who is a friend but I don't really like has a crush on me, some redneck in my science class has a crush on me, strangers have fallen for me in twenty minutes, people back in RI still like me. I mean for fuck's sake, I've flirted with Jackson Rathbone because he didn't realize how young I was! I can literally get anyone I want, but the one I want isn't being that receptive outside of real life scenarios, which are limited because we spend 95% of class in our sections. For any of you who are familiar with choral groups, you know how sopranos and basses are pretty much never anywhere near each other, especially first sopranos.

I just want him so bad, and in person it's still a little awkward but getting better. Why is this so backwards? J was the one who did the dumping, and he seems pretty unaffected by the breakup (while the ex is miserable and still clinging on to him for dear life even though he seems all set). Why can't the person I want want me too, or at least show more signs of it? I catch him checking me out quite often and he's the one who opens his arms for the hugs, which i absolutely love, but still, it's all so backwards.