Rantz

I am so fucking disgusted with people.
There are so many teenagers - mainly late middle-schoolers (7th and 8th grade, I'd say) or 12/13 year olds or whatever - out there who think that the idea of being "emo" and "goth" and suicidal is cool.

The only reason this bothers me so much is because, when I was that age, I had a serious depression problem that went unanswered because if I told my parents, they'd lose their shit and lock me up in a psych ward until I decided that I was okay. Every time I expressed some emotion other than happy they'd just make me ten times even more upset than I initially was. The reason I was so angry and frustrated was my weight and acne. My acne was terrible, and I used to be a little heavy and it progressively got worse until about the end of my freshmen year/beginning of my sophomore year of high school (it was never obese; at my heaviest I was 160lbs, and I lost 43 lbs and have kept it off, so that's been taken care of) and I had started puberty earlier than most, so I was the one in 7th grade who already had a C cup (at my heaviest I was a D cup, but I went back down to a C now that I'm a healthy weight). Naturally I had body issues and on top of it, I barely had any friends and kids were constantly making fun of me. With that on top of the stress of feeling perfect for my family and my great-grandmother having passed away, I was a fucking wreck. I wanted nothing more than to die, and I remember the first time I purposely cut myself. It was in the shower on my leg and the pain was excruciating, and I knew then that I had to stop and I was going down the wrong path.

Knowing my background with having a serious depression problem, you can see why I'm so fucking pissed. All these 12 year olds think it's so glorifying to cut yourself. They really don't - they just claim to and it's obvious they don't, since they lack scars and when they have "cut" themselves it's just a fine-point, red Sharpie (yes, I've seen that trick pulled many times). The glorification of being suicidal amongst that group is so disturbing to me; there's obviously something wrong. I was lucky that I had a friend going through a similar state when I was healing myself, and she and I really helped each other through it. But I probably should have undergone counseling. I think anyone who looks at cutting themselves or suicide or any form of self-harm as glorified needs mental help. It's very disturbing, and I didn't look at it as some glorified thing; I had a real problem that I stopped before it got too serious. So please, for my sake, get help. One girl who added me as a contact on Polyvore (and for anyone who knows me on Polyvore knows that when someone adds me, I'll add them back) is 12 years old and her profile banner is all people who have cut themselves with either tons of scars or blood everywhere and it's just morbid. Maybe she's feeling just as insecure as I did and I can relate to that, but to that much desire? I know she's not the only one out there.

Sorry, I just find the fact that being suicidal/"emo"/"goth" is considered cool to some people is just fucking disgusting.

By the way, emo is a wannabe version of punk, who are awesome 70s Brit bands like The Sex Pistols (not Green Day) who had members that were as fucked up as Sid Vicious (he killed his girlfriend out of love, kiddos. Then himself. Yay drugs?). Goth? Short for Gothic, which, depending on the context, can either mean medieval (ie: She had a medieval view on dress codes and believed that people should dress conservatively; Her style of dress was very medieval and looked as if it came straight out of 1300s Europe), or coming from an extinct race of people.