I See Your Face in Everything

He was wearing a Black Flag shirt today, and unlike the rest of them this one seemed to be a size smaller. It clung around his waist, and chest making it nearly impossible to pay attention in my classes. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what we were learning about, but I could tell you how many times he had blinked today. Ok so maybe not, even if I had tried to be a creep, I couldn’t bring myself to. But just because I couldn’t come off as a creeper who watched him like a predator does his prey, doesn’t mean I didn’t watch him like mad.

He had this thing that he did at the beginning of every class. First he would sit down, and after he sat there for a good minute he would move his hair behind his left ear. Normally most of it fell back in his face yet he never bothered with it. Then he had this notebook that he always carried around with him, and he would open it up and turn a few pages. When he stopped he would look at whatever was on the page, I had tried to look at it a few times, but he had it hidden almost perfectly by his arm. Then after he looked at it, he would pull a pencil out of his right pocket and press it to the paper. I would get so entranced in watching him glide it over the paper, curious as to what he was doing. Then just as the bell would ring, the notebook would snap shut and slide right under his text book and he would look towards the front of the class.

Its not that I was a creeper, I mean when you sit next to him in over half of your classes for over half a school year, you pick up on things.

My thoughts were disrupted when the slam of the door in the front of the room grabbed my attention. I watched as Mr. Mack, our English Honors teacher walked in with a stack of what looked like packets. He didn’t even bother carrying them to his desk which only meant that they were for us, groaning I slouched in my seat. I wasn’t in the mood for working, especially when I would much rather do other things.

“Now, as most of you have probably heard from my former students, every year there is a project that adds up to sixty percent of your final semester grade. Don’t groan and whine, and go on about how ‘I’m barely passing already’. Because as long as you actually try and put effort into it, I promise that you will pass. Now, this year however I’m going to do things a little differently,” he explained picking them back up and went to the front of ours rows and gave a hand full of them to be passed down.

“You see, this year you will be helping me with an experiment to see if grades will be better if you work with a partner,” he finished passing them out and people already began to look around picking out theirs, “but I will be the one to pick your partner. I have already made the list and around the last five to ten minutes of class I’ll read them off. But so we don’t get sidetracked with complaints of who you’re partnered with, I’m going to go over what you’ll be doing.”

I looked down at the ten or so page packet and frowned. Not only did I hate regular school work, but the hate went to the degree of loathing when it came to projects. I would always get paired with a slacker which meant that I was the one staying up till two or three in the morning the day it was due trying to get it done. Disregarding the paper in front of me and Mr. Mack in the front of class, I went back to watching Gerard out the corner of my eye.

Surprisingly he was paying close attention, like was seriously interested. That only confused the heck out of me, seeing as he would most likely need to speak, and he was the strong silent type of guy. Sighing I played with the edges of the papers, rolling them and bending them till finally there were none left for me to mess with.

“Frank? Come on kid, join us back on Earth. I know its not a super cool class, but you really need to pay attention right now,” my head shot up and I saw Mr. Mack and almost everyone in the room watching me.

“Sorry.” I mumbled and he nodded before going back to talking. Frowning I flipped open the packet to where everyone else was. Frowning even more when I saw that we had to give a ten minute speech on our topic.

My mood only depleted even more throughout class when he talked about papers, visuals, cards, and elaborated on the speech. He had said something about the topics being in the packet, and when I looked I noticed that it was two columns, front and back. Ranging from Authors, to Athletes, and even Musicians.

“Now, time for your pairings,” he walked over to his desk and pulled out a paper from his shoulder bag, “when I give you your pairings I want you to meet up with your partner and decide on a topic. Tomorrow I expect you to have decided, if you haven’t then I will choose for you. Trust me, you do not want that to happen.”

I ignored him, waiting for my name to be called. Wanting to throw up in my mouth when girls watched Gerard intently, only to whine when they were paired with someone else. I felt like they were raping him with their eyes, it disgusted me. After all, I didn’t imagine raping him, because in my mind he was always willing.

“Gerard, you’re with Frank.” he read off, and of course there had to be two different Franks in the class. It felt like my lungs had immediately froze, nervous, I watched him as they asked which Frank he had meant.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot there are two of you. Iero, you’re with him.” if looks could have killed, I would have been dead judging by the eyes that had burned holes into my face. Finally my lungs began to work again and I let out a shaky breath, I didn’t move however. I don’t know why, the idea of being paired with him meant being near him, and while that excited the hell out of me, I was worried I would make an ass of myself.

Pale hands gripped the edge of my desk and easily spun me to the left. Startling me, I jumped in my chair, looking around to see everyone else had already moved. I looked ahead of me at Gerard who was watching me intently.

“S-sorry,” I stuttered. His arms were folded on top of one another on his desk, and he was leaning forward resting on them. I cleared my throat looking down at my packet.

“Uh... was there one in particular that you wanted to do? I don’t really care.” I mumbled, not able to look up at him. He was silent, but I heard him flipping through his packet. After it was silent from his end for a good minute I felt pressure on my shoulder and looked up to see that he had poked me.

“Did you pick one?” I asked, this time it didn’t come out sounding awkward. He looked back down at his paper before looking back up at me.

“How do you feel about Buddy Holly?” the words left his mouth and my eyes widened.

“Excuse me?” I choked. He had spoken, words had actually come from his mouth. His eye brows furrowed and he tilted his head to the side.

“Is that a no?” he asked, again only shocking me even more.

“You.... talk.” I breathed and his face went from one of confusion to sheer amusement. The upper right part of his lip twitched as his lips formed into a smirk. The bell rang and the room was filled with he screeching of the metal desks being pushed back in place. He slid out of his seat swiftly and placed his packet in his folder before pulling his desk back into place. Picking up his things to carry along his side he turned to look at me.

“I’ll take that as an okay then.” and he walked away.

When I finally came to my senses, I blinked rapidly and stuffed my packet into my book and put back my desk. Dashing out of the room I hurried to my locker and tossed all of my things in it before rushing to the cafeteria. When I made it the guys were already sitting at our usual table, I ran up to Mikey and gripped his shoulders.

“Uh, hi to you too?” Bob and Ray only laughed.

“You’re not going to believe it!” I yelled with a grin on my face.

“You’re getting a surgery that will actually make you taller?” he smirked.

“Fuck you too. But no,” I sat down across from him next to Bob.

“Ok, we’re all waiting.” Ray stated waiting for me to continue.

“Guess who I’m paired with for my English Honors paper!” I bounced in my chair.

“Um, I don’t know. Why don’t you just tell us?” I rolled my eyes, they obviously didn’t under stand what ‘guess’ meant.

“Your brother.” I beamed pointing at Mikey.

“Uh congratulations, now put that away... I’ve already got glasses and you can poke an eye out.” he gripped my hand and put it on the table.

“But that’s not all!” I added, still bouncing in my spot. The three looked at each other before looking at me.

“He spoke to me! Like actual sentences!” I squealed before sighing happily. While Bob and Ray looked completely shocked, Mikey only rolled his eyes drinking from his water bottle.

“Wow, now if you see him naked you can die happily,” Bob laughed causing Mikey to choke on his water. He coughed wiping his mouth before looking at me.

“What... what did he say?” he asked coughing still.

“He asked me if I was okay with doing Buddy Holly as our project, and then when I didn’t answer, he was all ‘I’ll take that as an okay then’ and then he walked away.” I explained dreamily. Mikey only shook his head while Ray called me a fan girl and Bob laughed.

“Oh shut it, you guys are jerks anyways.” I grumbled crossing my arms over my chest. I looked towards the cafeteria doors and watched as he entered. His eyes didn’t scan the tables, much like everyone else’s did when they first entered. Instead he walked fluidly to his usual, unoccupied table and he sat down, for some reason without his notebook that he would normally spend his time in. Mikey who noticed my stare looked over his shoulder and watched his brother. Looking back at me he blinked a few times.

“I think you should go talk to him.” he stated taking another drink from his water bottle.

“What? Why? What if he won’t talk though?” he rolled his eyes.

“Trust me will you? Now go,” he shooed me away. Taking a deep breath I got up and made my way down the rows of tables. His eyes were on me the entire time, and the closer I got the more my nerves betrayed me. My legs felt like logs, my stomach knotted and my hands began to get clammy.

When I stopped in front of his table he scooted back in his chair before getting up and motioned for me to follow him. Looking over my shoulder I saw that all three of them were watching me and motioning for me to follow as well. When I looked back over at Gerard he was already half way to the door, instead of running to catch up with him, I took a slower pace. He waited for me, and when I caught up to him he opened the door letting me out first. Thanking him I stepped out and he came out right behind me. When the door slammed shut he ventured down the hall and I followed, not asking him where we were going. Although I was curious as to where he was taking me, after all we were in school.

I followed as he walked down the hall, not once did he ever look back to see if I was still following. Turning around the corner into the stairwell he moved swiftly, as if he was still walking on a flat surface. Doing my best to keep up with him I jogged down the stairs, almost falling a few times over my own feet.

When I finally reached the bottom floor he was heading under the staircase, reaching in his jacket pockets. He sat along the wall, with a cigarette placed between his thin chapped lips. With a bright flame from his lighter he held it up against his cigarette, lighting it before placing it back in his pocket.

“You can sit you know,” he exhaled, the smoke leaving through his nose. I sat down a good foot away, with crossed legs.

“Do you smoke?” he asked, offering it to me between pinched fingers. I shook my head and he nodded taking a drag.

“Good... it kills people you know.” he smirked, the same smirk from class, and he placed it back between his lips and drew up his knee resting his arm on it.

“Wouldn’t that make you a hypocrite then?” I asked, resting my hands in my lap.

“Well... I’m not really worried about these things killing me,” he mused with a glint in his eyes as if it was some kind of inside joke.

We fell into a silence, it wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. He took a few drags before looking over at me with scrutinizing eyes. Which only made me feel unsettled, and nervous.

“I have a question for you, I hope you don’t mind me asking,” he tapped the butt of it causing the ashes to fall to the floor. They fell slowly, almost like dancing around each other.

“Ok,” I mumbled as a reply.

“Why do you watch me so much?” his voice was smooth and didn’t waver as the words left his mouth. They weren’t judging words, they came off as more of small talk. His eyes now content on the cancer stick that rested so peacefully between his fingers.

“Excuse me?” I choked, my mouth parting in shock.

“Why do you... watch me so much?” he asked again, even slower than before, and placed the cigarette back between his lips.

“I don’t.... I mean, I don’t watch you,” I croaked, my fingers twitching nervously in my lap.

He exhaled, pulling it away from the lips that I was sure were to be bruised by the amount of times he had struck them with the butt of the cigarette. While his face remained the same, his eyes instantly went dark and cold.

“You’re not a liar Frank, so don’t lie. I don’t like liars very much, they don’t go very far with me.” he explained, unmoving.

While he waited on his answer, I was still wrapped up in wondering how he knew, and the fact that he had said my name. It had never seemed special to me before. In fact I had hated my name for years. It always struck me as plain, and boring, so unlike me. But after hearing it come from him, its like have it life.

“Well?” I looked back up at him. His eyes that were still dark caught mine and wouldn’t let go.

“You... interest me, just like everyone else. You interest them.” I explained, succeeding in not stumbling over my words.

His eyes left mine, and his attention went back to the almost nonexistent cigarette. He twirled it by the butt between his thumb and index finger, eyes scanning it intently.

“I believe most of it. But you don’t watch me like they do,” he stated, never avoiding my eyes, “the girls... its as if they want to ravish me, which of course is why the others want to know what’s so special about me. Some are jealous, and some think they can use me so they can get to the girls.”

“Then where do I come in?” I blurted, he glanced at me and took a drag.

“You... you watch me with curiosity, like you said of course. But you also watch me more so with this dazed expression, with longing dripping from your eyes,” he answered simply, waving his cigarette as he spoke with his hand.

I felt the heat rise in my face as he took his cigarette and put it out in the tile flooring. Acting as if it was no big deal, yet here I was as red as a tomato for being caught, and for him being right.

“You should come over after school so we can get started on our project.” he stated while he stood up.

He made it look so easy, so effortless, where I on the other hand had to use my hands, and even then I stumbled a little.

“Your house?” I asked surprised. None of us had ever been to the Way household.

“Yeah, show up at about five. That way you can get your other homework done,” he added and then walked away.

I stood up straight finally and looked at where he had just been standing before going into the hall.

“Wait! We haven’t even... had it approved,” I trailed off as I ran out into the hall.

He was gone, and even if he had been a fast walker, there was no way he could have made it to the end yet. He only had about a five to ten second start, and I was sure that hadn’t gone back up the stairs.

Slightly confused I made my way back to the cafeteria. Dazed by what all had just happened. How could someone who had never uttered a single word, a single sound in school, go from that to talking to me out of nowhere?

When I made it back, I saw that Gerard hadn’t shown back up. Though the guys all had their eyes on me, like they knew I was going to walk right back through.

“So how was the quickie?” Ray and Bob both laughed causing Mikey to grimace.

“We didn’t,” I stated, plopping down int my seat.

“Ok, what happened?” I blinked, feeling a little out of my head for a moment, and looked at Mikey.

“He knew that I had been watching him.” I replied, sounding accusing.

“You make it sound like I knew that he knew. Its not my fault you’re an idiot who stares at my brother whenever you get the chance.” they all laughed as Mikey grinned.

“He invited me over to your house.” I added, he stopped laughing and looked at me with curiosity.

After a few moments he nodded, though it wasn’t as if he nodded to me, but more so that he nodded to himself. Clearing something up in his mind.

“Aw, he’s a gentleman and he’s going to take your virginity in his bed,” Bob giggled, yes, giggled. Mikey grimaced again and while Ray laughed I hit Bob as hard as I could in the arm.

“Ow!” he yelled, recoiling as I threatened to do it again.

“Shut your mouth Robert, I’m not the only virgin at this table.” everyone excluding Mikey and I blushed.

The rest of the day had been a royal bore. Seeing as I didn’t have Gerard in my fifth or sixth period classes, I had nothing to keep me occupied. Though when seventh period did finally come around, I forced myself not to look at him. It was unbearable too. It was like putting an alcoholic inside a brewery and telling him he couldn’t have any of it. I would catch myself slowly losing focus, my eyes straining just for a simple glimpse. But when I thought back to how embarrassing the whole Why do you watch me so much? moment had been, I quickly lost the urge. But it always came back, like all urges do.

When my time in hell was finally over I ran out of the class as fast as I could. Getting to my locker and out to Ray’s car in under five minutes. I was still panting when he got there. Confused he only laughed at me as he unlocked the doors and we waited for Bob. When he finally made his way to the car, I had finally regained my breath, but my hands and legs wouldn’t stop shaking. I blamed the nerves, I mean after all I was going to their house, alone. Who wouldn’t be nervous?

It wasn’t like I could just call and cancel either, they had a phone, but no one ever answered it, and the only way we could get in touch with Mikey was texting him, and when I tried, he told me that he wouldn’t do it. Some friend right?

The wait was dreadful, and I didn’t really understand why I was so nervous. I mean of course the Way brothers had their moments where people looked at them as if they came from another planet, but they were still cool guys. Well Mikey was at least. So far Gerard had embarrassed me, called me out, offered me a cigarette, and well... that was pretty much it. I had made the mistake of telling my Mom that I was going over, and when she figure out who it was, she freaked. To her it was like I was going on my first date, even though I told her repeatedly that it was only for a project. Ha! Who was I kidding, even I knew it wasn’t going to be for the project because we couldn’t start working on it just yet. Which only brought up the question of what?

What the hell were we going to do instead of actually working? Would he sit there and smoke cigarettes the entire time, act mysterious and disappear like he had in the hall? I was coming up with incredulous things the entire way to his house. Hoping that possibly I could scare myself out of going and running back home. But instead, I found myself in front of their door, and knocking. I waited a few moments before the door creaked open and showed Mikey.

“Oh! Hey, uh he’s in his room.” he stood back letting me in.

The first thing I noticed was how dark their house was. The blinds were shut with dark curtains hanging in front of them. The couches were black and grey, the room mirrored the darker shades of colors from the floor to the top of the walls.

“You guys really like the dark,” I noted looking around.

He laughed softly nodding and told me to follow him. He lead me to the other side of the livingroom and opened up a door, loud music instantly filled my ears.

“He’s down there, probably drawing or something. Don’t worry about knocking or anything.” he stated loudly, nodding I made my way downstairs, gripping onto the railing.

Who lived in a basement? Well other than Gerard of course. I guess he wasn’t a poser, or a faker, and really was this mysterious, bad ass guy that he was known for in the school.

Without knocking on the door, I opened it slowly, only to find that his room was even darker than the rest of the hall. I could barely see three feet in front of me, and Mikey said he was probably drawing? Did he have night vision or something?

“Uh... Gerard?” I called into the darkness.

“There’s a switch right next to the door.” I heard him call, but not really knowing where.

Reaching back I scanned my hand along the wall till I found it, and turned it on. The room immediately illuminated, and I saw him sitting at a desk that was placed up against the farthest wall. The floor wasn’t necessarily clean, but it wasn’t a mess either. He had clothes that had been randomly discarded. His walls were decorated in posters and drawings, I was guessing they were his. Looking back over at him I saw that he was hunched forward, his arm jerking and I could hear the sound of pencil scraping.

“You know we can’t really work on our project. We haven’t got it approved yet, some other group could chose it as well.” I stated, wrapping my arms around my waist.

“Is that so?” he mused, half interested in what I was saying.

I stood there awkwardly, waiting for him to finish. But the longer I waited, it seemed the more he forgot I was even there. Moving over to his bed I remembered Bob’s comment from earlier and quickly sat on the floor. Watching as he continued to work.

“Your house is nice.” I commented, his head never moving from its position.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, still not paying attention to me.

Sighing I leaned against his bed, pulling at the laces of my shoes hoping he would get done sometime soon. After a long while I pulled my phone from my pocket, realizing I had already been here for over a half hour. Annoyed that he wasn’t even acknowledging me, I pushed myself up and began to snoop around his room. Looking at the countless drawings, while some were cartoonish, and others realistic, they were all morbid and dark.

“What are you doing?” I looked over at him, yet he was still drawing.

“Just looking. What about you?” he never replied so I went back to what I was doing.

Which didn’t last for long, and I was back to where I had been sitting when I first arrived. Now that it had been over an hour I was really starting to lose my cool. Who invites someone over and then acts as if they aren’t there? Getting comfortable I looked over at him and decided that I would ask him some questions seeing as he did earlier.

“So uh... where are your parents?” I asked trying to strike conversation.

“I emancipated them.” was his short reply and his arm continued to move over the paper.

“Did Mikey emancipate them too? I mean, you two live together.”

“Sure, lets go with that.” he answered, stopping with his art work and looked at it. I thought he was done, but he quickly went back to working.

“Why? I mean... were they mean or something?”

He never replied, in fact he never answered the rest of my questions. He ignored me, and it only pissed me off. It wasn’t fair for him to embarrass me, call me out on things, and then ignore me completely. So after a good ten minutes I gave up, with a huff I pushed myself up and walked over to his stereo.

“By the way, this radio station fucking sucks,” I stated before turning it off and headed out of his room.

Making my way upstairs I passed Mikey who was watching TV, he waved, but frowned when I didn’t wave back. Why the hell were guys that were so fucking hot like that, such jerks?