I See Your Face in Everything

It had been too long of a night, annoyance not allowing my eyes to slip shut peacefully for a couple of hours rest. Instead I tossed and turned all night, unable to get the slightest bit of comfort. My mind plagued, wondering why he was suddenly talking to me of all people, yet he wasn’t talking.

On my way to school I walked with Mikey when I noticed that Gerard wasn’t with him.

“So, what was with you just leaving like that last night?” he asked as we crossed the street.

“Your Brother really knows how to make people feel unwelcome.” he nodded.

“To be honest I don’t think he knows how to act around guests anymore. I mean... its been a long time since anyone has ever been over. Besides, he’s not a very social person if you haven’t picked up on that yet.” he explained and I nodded.

“I know... but who ignores someone for over an hour to work on a damn drawing? Then ignores me when I ask him any form of question?” he shrugged, tugging on his back pack.

The rest of the walk was in silence, and I didn’t really mind. It gave me time to think about how this project with his brother was going to pan out over the next semester. When we made it to school we each went our separate ways, he was going to American Government with Bob, and at the time I would have given anything to switch him classes because I had Earth Environment with Gerard. I was a bit worried on how he would act around me after yesterday. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I was beyond annoyed and felt like he deserved it.

When I walked into class I found him not sitting in his seat. I stopped in the doorway, shocked, he had never missed a day, he had never even been late before. Thinking he was merely running behind this morning, explaining why he wasn’t with Mikey, I took my seat and waited patiently. But he never showed, so I was forced to pay attention, but even then I couldn’t. My thoughts as always fell back onto him.

He never showed up in second period either, I pretty much freaked Ray out when I came running up to him and demanded to know. It worried me, it really did. So when third period came around and he hadn’t shown up, I gave up on it. Knowing that I was going to be by myself in English, which meant I was in charge of picking our topic. I almost wanted to pick something different, or just tell Mack that we didn’t have one, he did say we wouldn’t enjoy it. But that meant I would be stuck with it and if Gerard was a slacker like all of my other partners then I would be the one left to do everything and I didn’t know if that would be worth it.

It was different, to actually know what was going on in class, when I was called on I actually knew what to answer with. Apparently that even shocked my teachers, its as if they’re expecting me to fail now. That’s not very fair is it? Teachers are supposed to want you to pass, not call on you with that damn smirk and then frown when you get it right. Who knows, maybe they have bets riding on me. Up until Gerard and Mikey moved here I was actually a good student. But the moment I saw him in the hall it was like nothing else could really hold my attention, and just to add to my luck he was in most of my classes, all honors classes.

When fourth period came around I almost wanted to pull the sick card and just have the nurse tell Mack what our topic was, but then I realized I would have to walk home and I didn’t want to do that either. So I made it to class and he wasn’t there, surprise surprise. I took my usual seat and leaned back so that I was looking up at the ceiling. It was boring, white blocks that could have used some dusting, especially the intercom. The room was getting louder as everyone started to show up, when someone sat down in the seat next to me. They were quiet but I had seen them out of the corner of my eye. Rolling me head over I saw the long black hair and just looked, I would have played hooky all day. Sitting back up I stretched and then turned to face him, he wasn’t drawing in his book, just sitting there.

“Where have you been?” I asked crossing my arms, he merely looked over at me and then focused on the front of the room again.

“Ok then, silent treatment once again.” I mumbled turning in my seat and watched my desk until the bell rang.

“So I hope everyone did their homework last night and picked out a topic, hopefully you picked out some others in case yours is chosen before I get to you.” he explained walking into the room and made his way over to his desk picking up the familiar paper with the list of pairings.

I looked back over at him, he looked paler today, but maybe it was just the crappy school lighting. I let my mind wander around the room looking at posters that I hadn’t even realized were there. Waiting for him to call our names, suddenly the idea of picking another topic sounded really good again, but when our names left his mouth I blurted out ‘Buddy Holly’ before I even realized it. When he was done he told us all to gather our things and follow him to the library which wasn’t fair. You’re not supposed to really talk in a library which meant there would be no way of getting him to talk to me.

I hated our library too, it was old and the books I swear were being held together by tape because the bindings all seemed to be ripped. Not to mention the librarians who took their job way too seriously, walking around, watching over everyone. If you were caught breaking the rules they would grab you by the shoulder and not so quietly tell you to leave, which wasn’t fair either because you couldn’t tell them that they were breaking the rules. If you did that, then it was a trip straight to the Principals office. It had happened to me a few times my Freshman year, needless to say they still don’t like me very much.

I followed him around some tables till we were in the very back near the reference books and took my seat. He didn’t even sit down he walked over and grabbed a book looking through it quickly before putting it back and then wandered off. Wondering what the hell he was doing I looked over at the books he had laid down, glancing over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t there I reached out pulling on his notebook but a hand clamped down on mine, startling the shit out of me. I looked up and saw him standing there looking in a book. Letting go, he did the same and I fell back into my seat.

“How did you get back here that quick?” but he ignored my question and dropped a book in front of me.

Looking down on it I groaned knowing that he was going to make me work. Flipping it open to the first few pages I read, but didn’t really pay attention to what I was reading. Glancing over at him every few sentences to see he was still reading, he had put his notebook back too.

“What exactly am I reading, or looking for?” I asked, finally giving up.

He looked away from his book shortly, focusing on me and then went back to it ignoring me completely. Annoyed I shut the book, we didn’t have a starting point so I wasn’t going to waste my time, it wasn’t worth it. Folding my arms on the table I lowered my head on them and closed my eyes, tired from my lack of sleep.

“Why do you always ask questions about me?” I picked my head back up, of course, when I’m trying to do something he would ask questions.

“I’ve told you before, you interest me.” I stated plainly before letting my head fall back down.

“Why do I interest you?” I groaned picking my head back up.

“How the hell should I know? You just do,” I sighed resting my head on my hand.

He nodded closing the book and placed it on top of his things before leaning forward on the table.

“Tell me about yourself.” I scoffed sitting up straight.

“Ok this is not how it works. You don’t ignore me continuously and then expect me to just give you answers ok? I mean maybe in that head of yours its okay, but this is the real world where you cooperate.” I whispered harshly and he nodded.

Staying quiet for a while I gave up on him saying anything else and lowered my head again hoping to get some sleep. He seriously didn’t make any sense to me right now.

“If you answer my questions... I’ll answer yours, but you have to skip lunch with me.” I picked my head back up again.

“Why do I have to skip lunch?” I frowned, I was already starving.

“If my answers mean that much then you’ll skip it with me, besides I don’t eat.... school food that is.” he added on the end.

Weighing the options I looked off to the side. I really wanted answers, but I didn’t really want to skip lunch. Besides what if the questions I asked him only got small answers, or answers that weren’t exact like yesterday. Then its just a waste of time, but I still wanted them.

“Fine, ask away then.” I sighed getting comfortable and looked over at him.

“How long have you lived here?” I thought about it for a moment.

“Since I was one I think? I wasn’t born here.” it sounded about right to me, nodding he cleared his throat.

“Any imaginary friends from when you were younger?” I tried not to laugh.

“No, did you?” he never answered but he had a look on his face that made it seem like he was thinking back on something from a while ago.

“What happened to your Dad?” I grimaced, that was a touchy subject.

“Mom and Dad had a nasty divorce a few years ago. I’m allowed to see him but I try not to. Wait, how did you know about my Dad?” but of course he never answered.

The questions continued, and a lot of them had been personal. But they weren’t the personal kind where you think he’s trying to get to know you, more like a check list of things. They were direct and if I didn’t answer he would only ask again. It went on for the rest of class, and for some reason none of the librarians had come anywhere near us, and they usually always spent more time in places like this one.

When the bell rang he grabbed his things and stopped to look at me.

“Same spot as yesterday.” and he was gone.

Looking back, my eyes tracing the trail he had just taken thinking about what had just happened. He pretty much knew my entire life story now and all I knew about him was practically nothing. Collecting my things I didn’t both hurrying, stopping off at my locker to get rid of everything and then heading down the hall trying to remember where exactly he had taken me. That’s a bad thing about watching him the entire time, you have absolutely no idea where you’re going.

But managing to find it I made my way back down the stairs till I was in the lowest level of the school and he was sitting there, just like yesterday. He had a lit cigarette in his mouth and he was watching the wall in front of him.

“How do you not get busted for smoking in school? People get suspended all the time.” he looked over at me, exhaling and shrugged.

“I guess I’m just special,” there was that glint in his eyes like yesterday when he said that he wasn’t worried about them killing him.

Sitting down next to him I crossed my legs and watched as he continued to mess with the stick in his hand.

“Don’t tell me you’re just going to sit there the entire time ogling over me.” I felt the heat raise in my cheeks and I looked away immediately.

“Why did you ignore me yesterday?” he shrugged.

“I wasn’t in the best of moods, and you said so yourself that we couldn’t work on our project. I expected you to leave.” he answered simply.

“But you ignored me when I tried to talk to you.” I stated again.

“Like I said, I wasn’t in the best of moods.” I nodded scratching at the back of my neck.

“Did you really emancipate your parents?” he shook his head.

“Then what happened to them? I mean Mikey never mentions them and obviously they’re not in the picture.”

“They died a long time ago, Mikey and I have been on our own for a while. I don’t like pity which is why I tell people like you that I emancipated them.” he explained tapping the butt of the cigarette and then placed it back between his lips.

“Why did you ask me such personal questions? People don’t normally do that.” he shrugged once more.

“I’m not like most people in case you haven’t noticed. I prefer asking personal questions because its harder for people to lie. Obviously if I asked you simple based questions like your favorite color, you’re more inclined to choose something that you feel would please the person talking to you. In hopes that maybe they’ll stick around just a while longer. I’d much rather be friends with someone who I share no common feelings with then be friends with a stranger. Does that answer your question?”

“Uh... yeah,” I honestly hadn’t expected an answer like that. More like ‘I’m just nosy’.

“Anymore?” he mused putting out the cancer stick and then rested his arms in his lap looking directly at me.

“Can I ask you personal questions?” he pushed his hair behind his ear and nodded.

“Why do you act so differently?”

“What do you mean by that?” he asked confused.

“I mean, you just... you give off this vibe, you and Mikey both do.”

“Vibe?” he laughed softly seeming interested in where it was going.

“Forget it, obviously you’re not going to take that seriously.” I muttered looking away from him.

“Where are you from? Where were you born?” I asked remembering he had asked me a similar question earlier.

“I was born over in Europe, so was my brother.” I frowned.

“But you don’t’ have an accent, neither of you do.” he nodded.

“We left not long after our parents died.” he added resting against the wall.

I nodded sitting there scraping at my brain trying to come up with questions but I kept drawing a blank. It was annoying, I’m sure that it was his turn he’d have such a long list and I wouldn’t know where to begin.

“What’s your favorite color?” he arched an eyebrow looking at me.

“You’re being serious aren’t you?” I nodded.

“Frank,” he sighed shaking his head and laughed to himself.

“What?” I whined.

“What did I just tell you about simple questions?” there was a small smile that graced his face.

“Well I couldn’t think of anything, I don’t know anything about you.” and he just laughed drawing his legs up so that he could rest his hands on his knee’s.

“That’s the whole point of asking.” he stated rolling his head back to look up at the ceiling.

“Ok then.... why me?” I asked proud that I actually had one.

“Why you what?” he returned with looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“Why are you talking to me, when you ignore everyone else.” I cleared up the question and waited for my answer.

“Now that is a good one.” he stated sitting up straight and fixed his jacket.

“Awesome now answer it.” I stated and he shook his head.

“Its complicated and I can’t go into that right now, not until you remember.” I frowned.

“Remember what? Gerard that’s not fair, I answered all of those questions! You told me that I could ask them, now you have to toughen up and answer them just like I did.” I didn’t yell, but it wasn’t quiet either.

“If I told you what you were to remember, then that would defeat the purpose of you having to do it. Yes you did answer my questions, I never said you had too. You see that’s another thing, if you always answer questions then people find out what they need to know about you. If I was your typical person then there really wouldn’t be anything left for me to find out about you and most likely I would leave you alone. I never said that I would answer your questions, and I’m not going to answer that one for my own personal reasons and maybe you’ll find out why later on down the road. But by not answering that question you have motive to come back. See, its like a circle in a way, and it won’t be complete until you get what you need, and right now its an answer.” he explained and I sat there with a blank expression.

“Are you okay?” he asked leaning forward, his face closer to mine.

“Are you some form of therapist now? Holy hell Gerard that didn’t make any sense to me! Why do you have to draw things out so much instead of just getting to the point?” I frowned and he just laughed.

“I act differently remember?” I rolled my eyes making him laugh.

“Hmm...” he mused scanning my face.

“What?” I asked suddenly self conscious and touched my face wondering if I had something on it.

“There’s nothing on your face, don’t worry about it.” he pulled back the sleeve of his jacket checking the time on his watch which of course was black.

“Then why did you do that?” he looked back at me, his lips tugging into that smile of his that had graced his face only a few times.

“Nothing, you just act like someone who used to know me.” he stated and stood up without the use of his hands, I hated that he could do that.

“Used to know you? Seriously you realize you don’t make any sense right?” he just shrugged and started to walk away.

“Wait!” I shouted pushing myself up and ran to him.

“Where were you this morning? You never miss class.” I stated stuffing my hands in my back pockets, looking down at me the smirk appeared on his face and I groaned.

“Let me guess, another one of those questions you won’t answer for personal reasons and that I may find out later on when I remember?” I sighed monotonously.

“Cheer up, you’re catching on Frank.” he stated and then went back up the stairs.

“I still don’t understand what you mean about remembering!” I shouted looking up the stairwell hoping he would say something in return but he never did.

Making my way towards the lunchroom I tried to think on what he meant about remembering. Nothing seemed to be missing in my memory, then again if it was then of course I would think nothing was missing. But I didn’t have any blank spots either, I don’t have the best memory but I think I would notice if I forgot about something that was lengthy enough to keep Gerard from telling me anything. It was too confusing and it was beginning to give me a migraine. I gave up on trying to figure it out when I made it to the cafeteria and sat down at the table, Gerard over at his usual table with his face absorbed in his notebook.

“Where the hell have you been?” I looked over at Ray.

“Your brother, I’m pretty sure is a nutcase who gets off on confusing people.” I stated making Mikey laugh and look over his shoulder.

“No, that’s just Gerard. Like I told you this morning, he’s not very good at socializing.” I nodded resting my head on my hand.

“Why?” I looked over at Bob who was finishing off his water bottle.

“He wouldn’t answer my questions, basically until I remember, which doesn’t make any sense. Its not like I can just hop into a time machine and watch my life.” I groaned.

“Remember what?” I wish I had something to throw at him.

“That’s just it Bob, I don’t know.” I growled looking over at Gerard who was in his own little world.

“Tell him that I’m dropping the bill off for all the damn Tylenol I’m going to need for my migraine.” he only laughed again and gave me a thumbs up.

“Wait, do you know what he means?” he just looked at me and frowned.

“You do don’t you?” he shrugged.

“What is it? Please just give me something to work from.” I whined reaching out and grabbed his arms shaking them.

“Well I wasn’t really around then, so I don’t really know anything. Besides, if he wants you to remember, then I’m not going to help. Sorry,” he frowned and I sighed pulling my hands away.

“It was worth a try.” I sighed resting my head on the cold table.

Someone had to know what he meant because obviously Gerard had been around me before. I just had to find the right person to ask, like my Mom.