Caught In The Middle

I sat there on the couch, playing with the pedals of my bouquet, as the music began to play by the fountain. We have a long walk in between the porch of the hotel, which gives me time to take in the view. Seeing TJ’s face minutes ago made me think he might’ve seen something between Jonathan and me and got upset. I know I have plenty of time after the wedding to tell him how I feel but I have to make that walk first.

I link arms with Brayden’s brother as we make that long journey from the porch to the fountain. With each step I make, I think of how I wish Mommy was here to see her eldest daughter getting married, how her youngest has grown into a beautiful young woman, and how her middle child is ready to confess her true feelings to her former boyfriend’s best friend. With each row I walk pass, I remember those steps between the car and the burial plot as we were ready to bury Mom.

*June 2010*

Candace, Skylar, and I linked each other’s arms as we walked from the car to the burial spot. Skylar already can’t hold back her tears as she’ll know Mommy won’t be there to help her pick out her Prom dress. Candace’s head was down, knowing Mommy won’t be there for her Law School graduation in a couple of years. I knew I have to be the strong for my sisters and for myself. Inside, I felt so numb. I couldn’t feel anything, not even the tears that were threatening to fall. I sat down and look at my father, who is grieve stricken from losing his wife and partner of more than 25 years.

I stood there, staring blankly at the coffin in front of me, as our senior pastor precede the burial service. Members of my family were here, as well as parishioners, and friends of my mother. Phoebe, Lance, and Justine were here too, as well as Jonathan, who was standing behind Memom. When I finally turned around, I see TJ in the back. I didn’t pay attention to anyone else but him.

After the burial, I felt a hand grab my own and saw a familiar set of green eyes staring back at me. He didn’t have to say a word to know what he was feeling. We just looked at each other for a moment before those hard fought tears I was holding inside finally fell one by one. He grabbed a hugged me, letting me cry in his arms.

I look at the row that had Jonathan and TJ sitting next to each other and smiled at both of them. While Jonathan gave one of those derpy smiles to me, TJ still gave that look of sadness. I just want to stop this wedding and just go to him and tell him how I feel. As I stood in position, I look up to the sky and gave a quick hello to Mommy as I know she was there in spirit.

The first notes of “Here Comes The Bride” play as everyone waits for Candace to make her grand entrance. I was surprised that Candace hasn’t reached the garden yet as Dad was beginning to be restless. Suddenly, I see Candace wearing something I wasn’t expecting at all. She was wearing a simple white summer dress and flip flops. She didn’t carry a bouquet and looked very natural. A chorus of gasps echoed the garden as she linked Dad’s arms and marched down the aisle. Brayden and his family were disgusted by Candace’s choice of dress as Brayden met half way to Candace.

“What the heck are you doing?’ Brayden shouted to her. “Go back and change. This is a wedding, not some barbeque at some church function.”

“Bray, if you’re going to marry me, you have to know that this comes with the package.” Candace whispered as she smiled at us at the altar. “I’m not a high society Stepford Wife. I haven’t been honest with myself because I strive for perfection. I realized that I have some flaws like everyone else and I like them. I rather be imperfect and happy then perfect and unhappy.”

“You’re talking nonsense. Just go and change.” Brayden plead with her. Dad remained shocked of what Candace was doing. “You look like some hillbilly.” Everyone from our family side was enraged by that comment.

“In 10 seconds, this ‘hillbilly’ is going to throw this ring at your face,” Candace threw her 2 ct. engagement ring at him. “Then slap you across your bourgeois pretty boy face and walk out of here, not looking back.” She didn’t wait until 10 as she slapped him and walk off the garden. I look at Skylar as we both had stunned looks on our faces while Dad was not amused.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Being a Gopher… being a runaway bride… being unsure about Jonathan…” Dad paced as us as all three of us sat on the couch together, hands clasping together like a chain that won’t break. “I didn’t raise my daughters this way.”

“Actually you did, Daddy.” Skylar said, being very defiant. “You and Mom taught us to make our own decisions. So here they are.”

“She’s right.” Candace added. “We love you, Dad. That will never change. But we’re not little girls anymore. If Skylar wants to attend school in Minnesota next Fall, then let her. If Mallory loves Jonathan or not, that’s her own decision. If I don’t wanna marry Brayden, then so be it. Besides, we now know his true colors this afternoon.”

“Mallory Louise Krause, you’re always the reasonable one.” Dad announced to me while still being annoyed. “Please reason your sisters.”

“I’m in love with Timothy Junior Oshie?” I answered, half sarcasm half statement. It was also the very first time I made it publically known to anyone. Dad walked out of the room for a moment only for him to hear a grunt from him. “I take it as he’s not okay with it.” I whispered to Candace as Dad returns to the living room.

“You know as a father, you always want to make sure you supply the best life for your children.” Dad sat down on a chair while staring at the three of us. “It’s even more when you’re a youth pastor, raising three daughters. It’s very tough when you start to realize that those children have grown up to be wonderful and intelligent adults. Ever since your mother died, I’ve been so scared of losing you. All of you remind me of your mother.”

“Daddy, just because we’ve made up our own minds of what we want, doesn’t mean going to leave you.” Candace grabbed Dad’s hand and squeezed it. “You want us to be happy and we’re just following that. Besides, my apartment is near to the house so I’m not far away.”

“And you still have me for another year before I go to college.” Skylar smiled as she laid her head on Candace’s shoulder. “You do need to help me find a cute Prom dress.”

“What about you, Mallory?”

“I’ll always be there, no matter where I am.” I lean over and gave him a hug. Soon Skylar and Candace joined in on the group Krause hug. “We love you, Dad!”

“Too bad there’s no reception now. Brayden’s parents paid for it and banning our side. Besides, who needs their money. We’re not even hillbillies!” Dad chuckled as I thought of a good idea to throw a last-minute anti-reception party.

“Leave it up to me to take care of our guests.” I winked as I grabbed my cell phone. We’re not leaving the island without throwing a party, Krause style!