Caught In The Middle

I’m laying down my bed, wondering about the events that happened earlier in the day and how am I going to survive the next few days with them. It’s always great to see TJ since he and I remain close but to see Johnny in these circumstances, it seems very suspicious. When I heard a familiar melody from the living room, I walked over to see Skylar watching “Somewhere In Time” with a bag of popcorn. I took a seat next to her as we watched the movie.

“It would be cool to go back 100 years to see what life is like back then.” Skylar commented as she covered herself with a blanket.

“But if we go back to 1912, we wouldn’t be wearing sweats and tanks.” We shared a laugh for a moment before wanting to bring up something that I’ve been meaning to ask her since the summer. “Skye, have you told dad yet?”

“About what?”

“About after next year. College?”

“He’s not going to like it at all. You know he wants me to stay home and go to UND.” Skylar looks dejected as she already accepted her fate. A few weeks ago, Skylar told me this idea of instead of spending the summer at church camp, she wants to take the semester off and backpack through Europe with her friends. Then she wants to attend the University of Minnesota instead of UND in the fall. Dad would have a fit to know his youngest daughter wants to be a Gopher and not a Sioux.

“But Skye, you’ll most likely gonna get a scholarship no matter where you go.” I went under the blanket with her. “As for Europe, take it from me, you’re not going to regret it.”

“Mally, remember what happened when you went there?” She asked as she brought up a memory I didn’t want to remember. “Dad doesn’t want history to repeat itself.”

“You’ll be fine. Plus you have my support.” We shared a hug before returning to the movie.

“Hopefully Dad would be supportive. He still badgering about your breakup with Jonathan.” I rolled my eyes as Skylar is right about that. Ever since Jonathan and I broke up a few years ago, he’s been up my butt about why it happened, especially since he and I were so perfect for each other.

*Summer of 2007*

Jonathan and I left the church ahead of the rest of the family as this was his last week here before heading back to Winnipeg and eventually Chicago. We’ve been dating for now 18 months and it’s been nothing but good times between us. He was perfect in every way, even attending church with me. After Jonathan and TJ got cited for underage drinking, my dad decided to let them serve their community service at the church. Despite what happened, my family loves him to the point Dad would call him his son.

As for our relationship, everything was perfect. With all these things in my mind, it is making me depressed about what I was about to do to him.

We sat on a bench, his hand held mine as I’m trying to put the words together without coming across harsh. He treated me like a saint when deep down I didn’t feel worthy of that.

“You’ve been quiet all morning.” Johnny wrapped his arm around me as a tear came down my eye. “Are you alright? You’re crying.”

“Johnny, you know I love you.” I finally faced him, not caring if a tear fell down my face. I know I have to be strong for myself or else I would change my mind. “I’m so proud of you for everything. But you need to take this journey to Chicago on your own.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, never letting go of my hand. “I’m wouldn’t ask you to drop school for me.”

“I know you wouldn’t. But I mean you need to be on your own and I need to be on my own.” I turned away as I continued. “I don’t want to be known as Jonathan Toews’ girlfriend or Candace Krause’s dorky sister, or the Rev. Harry Krause’s daughter. I don’t know who I am and where I fit in. It’s always been Candace is the pretty one and Skylar is the sporty one, but who am I? I’m just their sister who happens to be the girlfriend of a player who got drafted to the Blackhawks.

“I want to be able to find my own place and in order to do that, I have to do it on my own. Plus it wouldn’t be fair to you or to me if we live so far away.”

“Babe, we can email, text, call each other.” Johnny thought of ideas of continue our relationship from a distance but I need to stand my ground. “A lot of couples survive a long distance relationship.”

“I know but I rather end it now than for us hurting each other if we find someone better down the road. I don’t think neither of us would take it if we worry about the other possibly finding someone else. I hold the highest regard to you, that’s why I’m doing this.”

“Mallory, listen to me.” Johnny pressed my face towards him; his eyes began to well up. “I love you. Yes, you’re dorky and yes, you’re a minster’s daughter, and yes, your sisters are more popular, but I care only about you. Please, Mal.”

“I’m sorry.” I touched his face, knowing that I hurt him by doing this. “We’ll always be friends. That will never change. Besides, there is a saying if someone comes back to you, thank you know you’re meant to be together.”

Unable to sleep after watching the movie, I went outside and walked over to the main hotel to clear my mind. It was tough breaking up with Jonathan when I did but I knew it was best. I started to be comfortable in my own skin and enjoying life’s new experiences. I’m more confident now than when I was with Johnny.

As I approach the rocking chairs, I see TJ relaxing with a Miller Light on his hand. At least now at 24, he can get away with drinking, even while sitting on a rocking chair.

“So the Maid of Honor couldn’t sleep.” TJ smiled as I sat on the chair next to his. “Guess staying with Candace is too much.”

“She’s a total Bridezilla. Actually, I stayed up to watch a movie with Skye.” I started rocking on the chair as I look at him. “Why are you out this late?”

“You know Tazer’s an early bird.” We both laugh as we know TJ is right about that. “I did hope I can have some time with you before heading to bed.”

“It’s good to have you here.” I brought my knees up to my chest and cradle them as I let the chair rock back and forth, watching TJ finishes his beer. We just sat there for a few moments before he grabbed my hand. That cheeky smile appeared on his face.