Love Letters
Journal Entry #7
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From the Journal of: Shiloh Levine.
Dated: October 24th, 2009.
Journal Entry
Titled:
When Horror Becomes
Tragedy.
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Is helping your family a bad thing?
Okay, so Echo has the right to know what's really going on, but I don't think I could bear the words. At first I was planning on not mentioning a word about the funeral to him at all, but that look on his face... He looked so...miserable. Almost like keeping secrets from him, really tore him up.
So, since my body pretty much runs on secrets, I decided to make new ones.
I told him it was my brother-in-law that died.
I told him--when he questioned the unanswered calls--that my phone had been at home the whole time.
I told him I didn't even go to the funeral.
I told him it was because my sister and nephew were at home, that I really didn't want to go back.
But really...
It was my mom who died.
I kept my phone off the whole time, knowing I'd spill if he even sent a single text.
I actually did go to the funeral. And I didn't shed even a tear.
I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to be alone in the house she died in. I just wanted to see him. I just wanted him to hold me. Kiss me. Tell me he loves me.
But I was the only one who wanted that.
I'm still supposed to be in California (Mom's hometown), but I came back worrying myself senseless about Echo. So much, that I couldn't stay for the burial or the "after-celebration" for her life.
Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry Mommy. I'm so sorry. I love you.
But I love him too. Will you forgive me?
You and Daddy used to be so worried about me. I remember you two thought I was depressed. Then again, maybe I still am. You tried so hard to make me smile, but I don't think you ever could. I remember what you used to say Mom.
"When you find something that lights your smile, run after it. Catch it. Do what you have to do, no matter the circumstances. Promise me that one thing, okay?"
Don't you see Mom? I've finally found something that doesn't just make me smile, but he makes me happy too. Happier than anything else in the world.
So will you forgive me? For leaving you behind in that glossy casket, not crying, and worrying more about him then you?
He's mad at me now, but I promise he'll always remain mine. He may not know all my secrets, but maybe one day I'll be strong enough to get rid of them all.
I love you, Mom.
Lori Cassandra Levine.
1965 - 2009
Undying love,
Shiloh Naku.
From the Journal of: Shiloh Levine.
Dated: October 24th, 2009.
Journal Entry
Titled:
When Horror Becomes
Tragedy.
-------------------------------------------
Is helping your family a bad thing?
Okay, so Echo has the right to know what's really going on, but I don't think I could bear the words. At first I was planning on not mentioning a word about the funeral to him at all, but that look on his face... He looked so...miserable. Almost like keeping secrets from him, really tore him up.
So, since my body pretty much runs on secrets, I decided to make new ones.
I told him it was my brother-in-law that died.
I told him--when he questioned the unanswered calls--that my phone had been at home the whole time.
I told him I didn't even go to the funeral.
I told him it was because my sister and nephew were at home, that I really didn't want to go back.
But really...
It was my mom who died.
I kept my phone off the whole time, knowing I'd spill if he even sent a single text.
I actually did go to the funeral. And I didn't shed even a tear.
I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to be alone in the house she died in. I just wanted to see him. I just wanted him to hold me. Kiss me. Tell me he loves me.
But I was the only one who wanted that.
I'm still supposed to be in California (Mom's hometown), but I came back worrying myself senseless about Echo. So much, that I couldn't stay for the burial or the "after-celebration" for her life.
Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry Mommy. I'm so sorry. I love you.
But I love him too. Will you forgive me?
You and Daddy used to be so worried about me. I remember you two thought I was depressed. Then again, maybe I still am. You tried so hard to make me smile, but I don't think you ever could. I remember what you used to say Mom.
"When you find something that lights your smile, run after it. Catch it. Do what you have to do, no matter the circumstances. Promise me that one thing, okay?"
Don't you see Mom? I've finally found something that doesn't just make me smile, but he makes me happy too. Happier than anything else in the world.
So will you forgive me? For leaving you behind in that glossy casket, not crying, and worrying more about him then you?
He's mad at me now, but I promise he'll always remain mine. He may not know all my secrets, but maybe one day I'll be strong enough to get rid of them all.
I love you, Mom.
Lori Cassandra Levine.
1965 - 2009
Undying love,
Shiloh Naku.