Sleep Tight, I'm Not Afraid

After school I head out to the parking lot with the guys and we chill for a while to have a smoke. I tell them everything that has happened these past few days. How she will sleep in my bed until I come home from school, she plays video games with my brother, helps make food with my mom, and even helps my dad with house work.

"She's really different," I tell them as I take a drag from the best cigarette known to man - marlboro. "I can't even explain it."

"You like her." Matt smirks and nudges me.

"You definitely do, bro," Brian agrees.

"No I don't!" I laugh and roll my eyes. "She's just a good friend of mine, now." I shrug my shoulders.

Matt and Brian look at each other then shake their head. "You definitely like her dude. It's more than just a casual fuck," Brian tells me.

"Whatever. I'm going home." I laugh and get into my car. I can still remember the two of us in my back seat doing what we do best. When I pull into the driveway I see Lindsey sitting on the porch swing, smoking a cigarette, playing with her ankle bracelet. When she hears my engine she looks over and smiles.

I get out of my car and walk up the steps to the porch. "Hey," I say with a smile and sit next to her.

"Hey." She grins and kisses me, holding the cigarette between her fingers. "How was school?" She teases in a motherly tone.

Laughing I shake my head. "Boring. What have you been doing?"

Lindsey shrugs her shoulders. "Just sitting out here thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"I don't know." She shrugs again. "Just everything that has happened these last few months. You, getting evicted, jail." She laughs a little.

I clear my throat and look at how beautiful she is, sitting next to me smoking a cigarette. She's wearing one of my t-shirts I let her borrow and her hair is a mess as usual. Only this time her lips aren't coated in red lipstick, which makes her look even more beautiful if it's possible. I'm not going on a hormonal craze or anything, I swear. I just feel like she is the girl I have sort of been looking for.

She notices me looking at her with a dreamy expression and laughs. "What?"

"Nothing." I shake my head, not wanting to tell her what I had been thinking.

Lindsey rolls her eyes. "Tell me." She pulls her knees into her chest and turns to me on the swing.

I sigh, not knowing how she would take it at all. "I just like being with you, that's all." She looks down at her feet obviously not expecting me to say that. "Lindsey, I don't even know how to say any of this, but I can't explain how much fun I have with you. Even if we aren't doing anything sexual or whatever." Before she can say anything I continue. "I love the way you smirk whenever we joke, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you get a little embarrassed, the way you bite your lips whenever it's an awkward moment, or just the way you look as soon as you get up in the morning. Your hair is a mess and you're wearing nothing but shorts and one of my shirts. You're beautiful," I almost whisper.

Lindsey stares at her feet and plays with the ankle bracelet. She flicks her cigarette then puts it out on the bottom of her shoe. She looks up at me after a while and takes a deep breath. "I don't want you to feel that way about me," she says.

I'm almost knocked off my feet by her statement ."W... What?" I ask completely confused.

"I don't want you to like me. I can't handle that, Zacky."

I laugh out of embarrassment. "I care about you, but you don't want me to? Okay, Lindsey." I get up from the swing and grab my back pack. "You are in it just for your own pleasure, aren't you? You don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself."

"Zacky, that's not what-"

"Whatever." I walk inside and slam the screen door. I walk up to my room and lock the door behind me, not wanting to see her face again.

I just fucking poured my heart out to her which was hard enough and she just threw it in my face?

What a fucking bitch.