Thrill of the Fall

Their stupid project was due in three days and of course, his partner had decided that today was the appropriate day to skip. It was of course Friday, though. And they had a show that night. So he had spent the day at home “prepping” himself for the show with the permission of his parents. It wasn’t too often that he was jealous of his band mates, but this was one of those times. He would like nothing more than to be at home trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to get on stage in front of dozens of people and not throw up all over them.

But one of them had to be here to try and work on this stupid timeline. They had through when The Beatles made it to the U.S. but they hadn’t gotten any farther than that. Of course, it was almost all done by his younger brother for a small fee of ten dollars and the promise of being at all of their shows for free, like he wouldn’t get to them anyway. But who was he to break a 13 year olds heart?

So there he was, pretending that he was actually doing something when in all actuality he was writing another note to Astin, who was only a few steps from where he was. The entire class was pretty much empty due to the fact that the teacher had given them the opportunity to go wherever they wanted to work on the report, as long as it was within the school and not disrupting another class. It was the riskiest thing that he had ever done before with regards to the girl that he was sure he was in love with. She could get up and walk over at any moment and he would be found out.

Which made it all the more thrilling to him.

Her partner knew exactly who he was and he had a sneaking suspicion that Alex actually knew who was beyond the letters. He had found himself in the shop that Alex Lawson had worked in so many times he couldn’t even be bothered to count anymore. He was Astin’s best friend, everyone knew that. If Alex knew that it was him behind the letters, the question would be why he didn’t tell his best friend. If a girl was sending his best friend letters under an anonymous name and he knew, he would tell them in a heartbeat. But he was certain that Astin still had no idea who was behind the letters. So why wasn’t Alex coming clean about it? For now, he wouldn’t worry too much about it. Especially since Alex wasn’t there in class either.

What could he put into this letter that he hadn’t put into the rest of them, though? He had a feeling that the letters were getting to be kind of redundant and he didn’t want her to think that he was a boring piece of shit, should he ever get the guts to actually tell her that it was him behind the letters. He didn’t want to be cliché and write her a letter about how he was sure that she walked on clouds and that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. He wanted something perfect. Even song lyrics seemed to damn cliché for her. He just wanted the notes to hold some sort of spot in her heart and he wasn’t quite sure that he had done that just yet. He wanted to be memorable, not just some creeper who was leaving her anonymous notes whenever he got a free second. Astin did not deserve to be second best to anyone and she certainly wouldn’t be to him.

As he got to thinking about it, he realized how creepy these notes must be for Astin to receive. How did she explain them to her friends? It was pretty obvious that he was getting closer and closer to the title of “stalker.” And the last thing that he wanted was for Astin to be afraid of him. That would be completely the opposite of what he would want to happen if he ever got the guts to come out and straight up tell her how he felt about her.

But for now, he had a lot to worry about. The show was that night and he was getting more and more nervous with every passing minute about getting up on stage in front of a bunch of people. It was not something that he was sure he was up for or ready for. But it would happen, he guessed. He just couldn’t let his friends down and this was something that they had all looked forward to for so long that he would be even more of an outcast if he fucked this up.

Besides, it wasn’t even like it was their first show. But it was the show that he wanted to use to turn things around. He didn’t want to stand with his back to the crowd because he was so scared this time. He wanted to channel his inner Elvis and be all out there. He wanted girls to fawn over him so that he could turn them down, telling them that he had his eyes on someone who was the epitome of perfect.

But for now, he just had to figure out how to get this note to her in a way that he hadn’t used before. It had to be unique and different. But he wanted it delivered before the end of the day and it was really hard to figure out how to do this shit on such short notice. If he ever decided to send anonymous love letters again, he would plan them out much more.

He had folded the letter up and was twirling it around through his fingers, since it was in the shape of a paper football (which in retrospect could have gone either way because she could have just thought it was one of the douche bags in the back of the class that had flicked it at her). And then his opening appeared. Astin excused herself to head to the bathroom and suddenly, he had it all figured out. The teacher was pretty much dead to the world and the other kids in the class were either asleep or intently working on the project like the nerds they were.

Her books were spaced just so around the small desk that she had been working at and when he made it to the notebook; he realized that there was really no work on there, much like his own.. But he knew that he had to go fast and he knew it because it didn’t really take long to go to the bathroom that was only a few feet down the hall to the left. Not to mention the fact that class was about two seconds from being over. Which actually gave him a nice out once he dropped the note off.

So he slid it into the pocket in the notebook, hanging out just a little bit, just in time for the bell to ring and Astin to walk back into the room. He bumped into her on the way back from her desk and she gave him a weird look that he caught out of the corner of his eye. But he didn’t acknowledge her; he only grabbed his stuff and got out of the room as quickly as possible. Only when he made it out to the car did he allow himself to take the few deep breaths that he needed to steady his heartbeat that had gone erratic after almost being caught red handed.

He didn’t even get to see Astin’s face when she found the note, which bummed him out. But if he had seen it, he would have seen a small, true smile adorn the face that he so adored as she read the few words that he had written in what he was convinced would be the last correspondence that he ever had with the girl who he had been infatuated with for years . Because god knew that he wasn’t going to outright talk to her, unless he was so wasted that he couldn’t even tell her what his name was.

I’m not even sure what to write on these anymore. But I think that you should know, no matter what, that you are by far the most stunning person in this school. The rumors are definitely not true, even I know that. And anyone else who’s around you must know that too. I’m lucky I even have the nerve to tell you this much. If I had the heart, you’d know everything about me. But for now, just forget me.