Status: Complete
A Painful Misunderstanding
A Painful Misunderstanding
She lied to me.
Out of all people, I would have never expected her. I feel like such a fool; I should have known better than to trust another human being. I look up my computer screen to see that I have a new instant message. “Christian, I’m sorry. I’m really really really sorry.” I cannot trust her anymore. The one person I thought that truly cared about me and loved me now turned out to be like the rest of the world. She lied, and I believed her lie.
Liliana and I have been together for six months and while that seems very little, it meant the world to me. Before her, I was hopeless; nothing. No one in my family cared or trusted me anymore and my friends could only do so much to make things better for me. After all, they have their own lives and problems to deal with. Why should they deal with mine?.
Before Liliana, I was a train wreck. I used to smoke, drink alcohol, and harm myself in many different ways that I could. Cutting was my thing. Cutting was my only true friend. Then Lily came along and changed that. I fell in love with her and once we got together, I quit smoking and drinking. My only problem is cutting since I have gotten very addicted to it. I have been trying to stop for Liliana. Today, however, she lied to me and I have no one else to turn to but my good friend, the razorblade.
As I dig through my cabinet under my desktop computer, I hear a faint ‘ding’ coming from my computer. It is she again. I look up quickly to see the message says, “Please forgive me. I did not mean to lie to you.” Completely indifferent about her, I respond saying, “I don’t trust you anymore. You lied and betrayed my trust.” With that, I took the blade and begun my therapy.
The blade against my skin was thrilling. I felt my blood rush once I made my first cut on my left wrist. I felt like I was getting rid of my problems and while my wrist was throbbing in pain, I was enjoying every second of it. I make another cut above that one. Again, I make another cut. Then, I watch the blood run down my wrist. All my problems are going away.
I receive yet another message. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I know I said I was going to be at the library with you this afternoon, but I had to go see David first to get some money.” I get angrier as I remember seeing her at my so-called friend’s house and with money on her hands. Using my right hand, I replied, “Money for what? For your services?” How did it occur to me to accuse her of such thing? After all, she was well known even after being the new kid for these past months and she was known by every male person at school to be very attractive. ....
I make another cut. ‘This is what I get for being so stupid.’ As I was about to make my fifth cut on my wrist, I received another message. “I’m so sorry for lying to you. I wasn’t getting paid for anything. David was giving me money to go buy party supplies for your surprise birthday party this weekend.”
My birthday? How could I have not realized that my birthday is this weekend? Suddenly, a sense of guilt came to me. I responded saying, “… you guys were planning a surprise for me?” By now, it just occurred to me that Lily is crying and feeling guilty over something that was supposed to be good. How could I have treated her this way?
She replied saying, “Yes. I am so sorry. I should have just told you where I was going. There is no excuse for why I should have lied to you.” I look at my wounds and they are already clotting. Feeling guilty, I type “I’m sorry Liliana. I shouldn’t have overreacted. I shouldn’t have cut myself.” She quickly responded, “You cut yourself again?” She knew about my past. I responded “yes.”
She asked me how deep did I cut myself and I responded that it was not too deep or deep enough to whereas I could have lost my life. Then, she apologized and I forgave her. I apologized as well and like always, she forgave me. I calmed down and I supposed she did as well. Soon enough, we were both chatting in a normal conversation.
“I shouldn’t have overreacted. You were just planning a surprise for me. I ruined it.” I typed in my chat window. She responded saying. , “It’s okay. You didn’t know. I forgive you already.” I smile and I think about why I love her so much. This is one of the reasons why.
I regret cutting myself over a small misunderstanding. Even though she lied to me and hurt me so much, I did the same thing by cutting. I hurt her and I cannot stand hurting her. She means so much to me and I do not want to hurt her anymore. So, I told her not to lie to me again and she promised she wouldn’t. Afterwards, I promised never to cut again. This time, I am really quitting.
Out of all people, I would have never expected her. I feel like such a fool; I should have known better than to trust another human being. I look up my computer screen to see that I have a new instant message. “Christian, I’m sorry. I’m really really really sorry.” I cannot trust her anymore. The one person I thought that truly cared about me and loved me now turned out to be like the rest of the world. She lied, and I believed her lie.
Liliana and I have been together for six months and while that seems very little, it meant the world to me. Before her, I was hopeless; nothing. No one in my family cared or trusted me anymore and my friends could only do so much to make things better for me. After all, they have their own lives and problems to deal with. Why should they deal with mine?.
Before Liliana, I was a train wreck. I used to smoke, drink alcohol, and harm myself in many different ways that I could. Cutting was my thing. Cutting was my only true friend. Then Lily came along and changed that. I fell in love with her and once we got together, I quit smoking and drinking. My only problem is cutting since I have gotten very addicted to it. I have been trying to stop for Liliana. Today, however, she lied to me and I have no one else to turn to but my good friend, the razorblade.
As I dig through my cabinet under my desktop computer, I hear a faint ‘ding’ coming from my computer. It is she again. I look up quickly to see the message says, “Please forgive me. I did not mean to lie to you.” Completely indifferent about her, I respond saying, “I don’t trust you anymore. You lied and betrayed my trust.” With that, I took the blade and begun my therapy.
The blade against my skin was thrilling. I felt my blood rush once I made my first cut on my left wrist. I felt like I was getting rid of my problems and while my wrist was throbbing in pain, I was enjoying every second of it. I make another cut above that one. Again, I make another cut. Then, I watch the blood run down my wrist. All my problems are going away.
I receive yet another message. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I know I said I was going to be at the library with you this afternoon, but I had to go see David first to get some money.” I get angrier as I remember seeing her at my so-called friend’s house and with money on her hands. Using my right hand, I replied, “Money for what? For your services?” How did it occur to me to accuse her of such thing? After all, she was well known even after being the new kid for these past months and she was known by every male person at school to be very attractive. ....
I make another cut. ‘This is what I get for being so stupid.’ As I was about to make my fifth cut on my wrist, I received another message. “I’m so sorry for lying to you. I wasn’t getting paid for anything. David was giving me money to go buy party supplies for your surprise birthday party this weekend.”
My birthday? How could I have not realized that my birthday is this weekend? Suddenly, a sense of guilt came to me. I responded saying, “… you guys were planning a surprise for me?” By now, it just occurred to me that Lily is crying and feeling guilty over something that was supposed to be good. How could I have treated her this way?
She replied saying, “Yes. I am so sorry. I should have just told you where I was going. There is no excuse for why I should have lied to you.” I look at my wounds and they are already clotting. Feeling guilty, I type “I’m sorry Liliana. I shouldn’t have overreacted. I shouldn’t have cut myself.” She quickly responded, “You cut yourself again?” She knew about my past. I responded “yes.”
She asked me how deep did I cut myself and I responded that it was not too deep or deep enough to whereas I could have lost my life. Then, she apologized and I forgave her. I apologized as well and like always, she forgave me. I calmed down and I supposed she did as well. Soon enough, we were both chatting in a normal conversation.
“I shouldn’t have overreacted. You were just planning a surprise for me. I ruined it.” I typed in my chat window. She responded saying. , “It’s okay. You didn’t know. I forgive you already.” I smile and I think about why I love her so much. This is one of the reasons why.
I regret cutting myself over a small misunderstanding. Even though she lied to me and hurt me so much, I did the same thing by cutting. I hurt her and I cannot stand hurting her. She means so much to me and I do not want to hurt her anymore. So, I told her not to lie to me again and she promised she wouldn’t. Afterwards, I promised never to cut again. This time, I am really quitting.