Why Are You Gone?

He left me.

He was gone.

He would never be with me again.

He told me not to cry when this happened.

He knew it would happen, but he didn’t say a word.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was so hard to think that I would never see him again. To think that I would never be holding him in my arms again. He was my best friend. I had known him my whole life, he was my neighbor and I never suspected a thing. Amazing and simple, the perfect depiction of the boy next door; he had blond hair and grey eyes. Tall and lean with dimples that were there even when he didn’t smile, he was perfect.

I remember the first time I met him formally. We were both five years old.

I was running around giggling and screaming as my mom stood on the sidewalk green garden hose in hand. My brown hair was clumped in wet tendrils that fell to my waist. I was wearing my black and red polka dot one piece bathing suit. It was the hottest day of the summer so far and I had tried convincing mommy to take us to the lake but she said no because she didn’t wanna drive. So I was stuck running around in the front yard with the cold water falling over me like rain.

“Excuse me?” A small voice sounds from the other side of the lawn. There was a lady that looked a lot like mommy but maybe younger. A little bit was standing with her eyes wide and staring toward my mom before flickering to me. He was wearing trunks with a shark on them. The shark looked angry and scared me a little bit.

“Yes?” My mommy says pinching the hose so the water stopped. I glared toward mommy before crossing my arms and plopping down on the wet grass. The heart was starting to take over my body again and I just wanted her to keep the hose running so I could play some more. I didn’t wanna stop because some boy thought he could play with me, which he couldn’t.

“Bailey, use your words.” The lady that was like a mommy but younger pushed him gently in the back. He looks up at the woman for a moment before huffing.

“Can I please play with and your daughter?” His voice is small and very much like my own except lower. My mommy nods her head and starts the water again. I jump up and start running around with the boy, Bailey at my heels. We were both laughing and having a good time. After half an hour we stopped and my mommy brought us each a fruit popsicle.

“What’s your name?” He asks me as I lick at the raspberry popsicle. I looked toward him trying to think if I should tell him.

“I’m Abril.” I smile at him and he smiles at me. “Best friends?” I ask looking toward him.

He nods, “Best friends.”

I never expected this. His mom called us only a week ago and said that Bailey was in the hospital. Of course we rushed there without hesitation. By the time we got there though it was too late. He had passed away, I never knew. I swear it I never knew that he had cancer. He never told me, I don’t even think anyone but his mom knew.

Angry, sad, defeated, pissed, I couldn’t move. Every emotion was rushing through my body. I was remembering every moment of my life with him. Every day of walking to school, ever summer of going to the lake. Everything. When we shared our first kiss with each other, it had been awkward and we never talked about it after that. I was crying so hard I thought I would drop dead, my chest ached, and I felt broken. I wasn’t sure how life would be without him, he had always been there.

I ran, I couldn’t take the too clean smell of the hospital. I ran and I didn’t stop. My legs pumping, heart pounding, nothing could stop me. My dress was swishing around me and pressing against my body with every step. I wasn’t sure of where I was going; all I knew is that I wouldn’t stop till I got there. I reached the lake, the beautiful lake. There were groups of happy families sitting around and I wanted to scream at them. Just yell asking them why they were so happy on a day like this. Accusing them of being overly happy on a day where no one should smile. I sat down at the edge of our dock, my toes barely grazing the water. This was our place, no matter what this would always be our place. Tears slide down my cheeks as my lip quivers. Why are you gone?