Calamity Jane

One month later;

I learn all kinds of things about Hector in the course of one month. Things I never expected.
For instance, he’s studying to be a marine biologist. In high school, he did a dual enrollment program (like I did) where he took high school and college classes at the same time. By the time he had graduated, he had an associate’s degree. He also works at a marine fishery. He started as an intern, and did so well, that they hired him.

So he has this nice apartment, a nice job, an education, means of transportation, and he’s six months younger than me.

Needless to say, I feel shitty about myself when I, in comparison, work at a second class fast food chain and I’m living with said person.

Hector and I fall into a routine after a couple of weeks: On Wednesdays, we watch Supernatural. On Fridays, we go to town and eat Japanese food. Whenever he isn’t working, we marathon our favorite shows like 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development, etc. We watch movies, we cook, and we go for walks on the waterfront. It’s all been very interesting, and refreshing.

Supernatural has kind of turned into a big deal for Hector and me. When I first found out that he liked it, I was angry. This show is my baby. I’ve watched it since I was 11. I don’t like it when people like the things I like. The second week after discovering this, he decided to invite all of his friends that also liked Supernatural. Apparently I need to socially interact more. When I found out that he invited almost a dozen people, I invited a couple of my high school friends so I wouldn’t feel like such a loser.

So now, for the last three weeks, we’ve had Supernatural parties.

He invites Lexi and Destany, who went to the same high school he went to and are girlfriends. Lexi is short, with dark hair and really pretty green eyes. Destany has short, dark hair and brown eyes. She wears glasses and is only a little taller than Lexi. They’re only sixteen and Yami comes over to hang with them. Then Miranda, who also goes to this school. She’s got long blonde hair and blue eyes, and she’s short. She also wears glasses. There’s Madison, a wild haired ginger like myself, who is a college student, and her best friend, Keith. He’s older than her by a few years, and everyone always assumes they date. But he’s gay. There’s Kain, who was a year below Hector, and eventually dropped out to go to a regular high school. He’s extremely tall, with short hair and brown eyes. Then we have Mia, Hector’s first and only girlfriend. Upon meeting her, I know she doesn’t like me. I must say, I was a bit intimidated by her. She’s mixed with Mexican and Caucasian. She has short black hair that she spikes up, and she’s tiny in height, and extremely thin. Her boyfriend Alvis comes with her. He’s got this sharp little nose, and brown eyes. His hair is blonde and spiky. He has bangs that go to the side. I guess it’s a thing with them – spikes.

I invite my friends Meagan, Erica, Ashley, and Lauren. And so we have a Supernatural party filled with us screaming over Sam, Dean, Bobby, and ESPECIALLY Castiel. We provide pie, Nutella, pizza, and other things. We scream obscenities when someone flickers the lights as a joke, and in unison say: GRAB THE SALT.

Next week we plan on dressing up as a Supernatural character.

Of course anyone who has never seen the show would think we were mental.

So it’s Thursday and I’m off of work. Hector won’t be back until five. I can’t call Yami because she’s in school. So I call Taylor, who says she can’t hang out, because she’s getting another ultrasound. I offer to go with her, just to get out of the house for a minute. She says I better have my ass over there in thirty minutes, and hangs up.

I laugh and look around in the kitchen. Everything is tidy and in place. I started straightening up the place while he’s working, since he is letting me stay there for free. I’m being the house ho or anything like that. I just don’t know what else to do when I’m alone and the place is a mess.

I go into my room, which has somehow transformed into a massive fort of sheets, with Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling. Hector intertwined them between the legs of chairs that are holding up the sheets, and the fort itself forms the shape of a rectangle. It almost takes up the entirety of the room. I sigh, and crawl through the space, to the dresser and to my still unpacked clothes.

I pick out a simple tank top, and a pair of denim shorts. I grab my tennis shoes and then retreat from the room. I’m not sure when Hector will allow me to take it all down. Hopefully soon, though.

I’m about to take off Hector’s t-shirt that I stole when there’s a light knock on the door. I frown, and walk to the door, and look through the peephole. It’s his sister Aracelis. Hmm, that’s odd.

I remove the chain link and smile at her sheepishly, knowing I look ridiculous in her brother’s clothes.
“Hey, Jane,” she says, eyeing me funny. I step aside and let her in. She looks around, sees the stack of movies I brought with me by the television, and my comic books on his coffee table. She also sees that his bookshelf has filled up considerably. She gives me another funny look and digs in her bag.

She pulls out a white envelope, and hands it to me. “Hey, can you give this to Hec for me? It’s important.”

I nod, and place it on the counter. “I’m going out with Tay in a few minutes, but I’ll make sure he gets it.” I take a sharpie and white his name on it.

She smiles at me and adjusts her bag on her shoulder, pauses, and then sets it on the counter stool.

“Hey, Jane…” she trails off, and then shakes her head. “Look, are you guys, uh, dating?”

I laugh loudly and shake my head in reply. “No way!”

She clears her throat, and shifts. “Well, look, Jane, we all love you. You’re like a sister to us.”

I nod in reply, swallowing hard. “But?”

“But… If you dated him, and it didn’t work out, we couldn’t choose you over our brother. And I – we – don’t want to lose you as a friend. Okay, so, uh, don’t make things awkward okay?”

I furrow my eyebrows, wondering what’s brought this on.

“Honestly, Arcelis, nothing is going on. He’s
like a kid brother. Where’s all this coming from?”

She sighs, and runs a hand through her hair. Nodding to the envelope, she raises an eyebrow.

“What? What is it?” I ask incredulously.

“Jane,” she says quietly, “Hector sent a letter to our father, because his lease is coming up for renewal, and instead of putting our dad on the lease, he wants you up there. He sent him to form to authorize it. Okay, so, don’t tell me nothing is up.”

I throw my arms in the air. “What is the big deal about that? I’m living here. Why wouldn’t I be on the lease?”

She frowns. “You didn’t know about this?”

“Nope,” I roll my eyes. I honestly don’t see the big deal. He’s a big boy. Why does he need his father on the lease?

“Well, the lease renewal is a two year agreement. Our dad thinks Hector is serious about you or something. He’s coming down and he wants to meet you.”

“What the actual fuck?” I walk away from her and go into the kitchen, to get a drink from the fridge.

“If Hector is signing me on, it’s because we’ve become good friends. And he obviously hopes I’ll stick around for a while. That’s all there is to it.”

She shakes her head and laughs. “Okay, well, my father never comes to see us. He’s coming from New Jersey. Next week. And he wants to meet you. So we’re having a dinner. All of us. And you’re going to actually eat something, alright?”

I lower my head and put the diet coke on the counter top, breathing unevenly. Finally, I gather up the nerve to speak: “Arcelis, what is your problem? I do eat.”

She clicks her tongue and grabs the free stool, sitting down in it. “Look, Jane, I don’t know who you think you’re fooling. I never see you eat. No one does. And you look skinnier than you were when we first met. Maybe Hector falls for your bullshit, but I don’t. So cut it out.”

I bite my lip, trying not to cry. I can feel my face growing red. I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Don’t do this. Don’t do this. I turn away and pretend to notice something on the kitchen floor. I’m fine. I’m fine.

I finally turn around and face her. I jerk open the fridge door, and take out the first thing I see, which is leftover pizza.

Oh, no honey. What do you think you're doing? This is 272 calories. 136 calories in carbohydrates. 90 calories from fat. 46 calories from protein.

I take a slice out of the box anyways and quickly bite into it, not bothering to look at her face. I chew rapidly, swallowing so hard that it feels like my throat is on fire. The bites fall into an empty, dark place. My stomach gurgles and growls in response, coming back to life. I smile triumphantly at her, and start to boast: “See, I do ea-” But before I can even down another bite, I regurgitate. I bend over, grabbing my stomach. Hot tears start falling down my face. This part was always the hardest.

I hear the stool moving, and Arcelis is at my side, grabbing me. She pulls my hair out of my face and leads me towards the trashcan. With her free hand, she rubs my back. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she whispers. She leaves me for a moment, and comes back with towels. She wets them in the sink and cleans up my mess off the kitchen floor. I finally stand up straight, my face crumbling.

I fall to my knees, and blindly wipe at the floor with the other towel, unable to look her in the eyes.

“P-please,” I mumble, “please don’t tell anyone.”

It hasn't been this bad in a while. You're relapsing.

She nods, and takes the towels from me, dumping them in the trashcan. “Take off that shirt,” she orders.

I remove it, only now realize that puke is on the front. Hector would kill me if he knew. She balls it up and goes towards the back of the apartment, and I can hear her opening the washing machine. A few moments later, there’s the sound of water running. I shiver and look down at myself. Hector’s pants hang loosely on me, and my sports bra sags below my ribs. I sigh and put on the clothes I had picked out earlier. Then I put away the pizza, and drink the entire 20 ounce bottle of diet coke.

Arcelis comes back and looks at me sadly. She walks up to me, and takes my hands into hers. “I won’t tell anyone what happened,” she tells me. I give her a small smile, which she grimly returns. She pushes my hair behind my ears.

“You have to stop doing this though,” she says. “If you want to be a part of our family. You have to get better.”

I shake my head. “I’m fine. I’m Jane. I’m fine. I had anorexia when I was a teenager. But now I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m fine,” I keep repeating it out loud, hoping that it'll somehow make it true.

She hugs me gently and whispers into my ear: “But you aren’t fine, are you?”