Calamity Jane

Every time I see my boyfriend Landon, I’m reminded of a dog. And I’ve never really been a dog person. I mean, really. Cats are so much more graceful and elegant and have balance. Dogs are sloppy, smelly, and messy and I hate their nasty big tongues. Whoever said dogs had cleaner tongues than humans lied. HELLO. The tongue contains most of our germs and shit!

Cats can take care of their selves. They aren’t clingy and they don’t follow you around everywhere you go. I want a cat.

We’re sitting in Starbucks because this is the only place that’s open around this time in this one-horse town. I go to work at eleven everyday so I still have a good three hours, which is great because that’s probably how long it’ll take Landon to blurt out whatever it is he needs to tell me.

I sip on my Café Vanilla Frappuccino and look around; trying to avoid eye contact with Landon who won’t look away. Little boy, we are not Edward and Bella and this is not an intense staring contest where you make constipated looking faces while you’re trying to read my un-interesting mind. I hope he isn’t really constipated. That cream cheese croissant certainly will not help.

“Um, hi,” he says, shifting his glasses, “I-”

“Hi Landon,” I reply, stirring my drink. I shiver even though it isn’t really cold in here.

“Yeah, hi,” he says with a nod. He grips his hands together and moves forward nervously. I widen my eyes, hoping he isn’t about to propose. I mean, I know we’ll get married someday but I’m only eighteen and marriage is an eight letter word I hope to avoid for a while. We just freaking graduated from high school. And besides that, he’s wearing a t-shirt that has a guy and a girl with a wedding dress that says, ‘Game over.’ A bit contradictory, if you ask me.

“Um, listen June,” he says, “I… need to tell you something.” Landon has always called me June, ever since we met. I never liked Calamity and Jane was only for my friends. I don’t know why he calls me June, but I like it.

He reaches over and takes my hands into his and laughs nervously. I start to squirm in my seat. Please, please, please, don’t let this be a proposal. “I love you,” he says pathetically, his eyes watering. My stomach drops. This is a proposal.

“I love you so much,” he sniffs and I take a hand out from his and pass him a napkin. He wipes his nose and looks away from me, staring for a while. “I… I enlisted.”

My mouth falls open in shock. I take my hand away from his and stand to my feet. “What? You did what?”

He stares up at me, his lips quivering. “I enlisted in the army.”

“When?”

He averts my gaze and shakes his head. “A month ago. I’ll be leaving in two weeks.”
I look away, and blink, trying to hold back tears. This certainly explains a lot. I almost thought there was someone else, the way he had been avoiding me. “June, I’m sorry,” he pleads, standing up beside me. “I know you miss Joel and I know this is horrible of me to do but I just… I have to. I need to know that I did something for my country. Your brother-”

“Stop.”

“No. Your brother is the reason I’m doing this. He was a great guy. He stood up for something. What have I ever stood up for?”

“Landon, if you do this we are over. Do you understand? We are through.”

He stalls momentarily, as though he’s weighing his options. He smiles sadly and wipes a tear off my cheek. “I’m sorry,” is all he can say. His hazel eyes are watering and he pats me on the shoulder. “I never expected you to wait for me. I’ll be gone for all summer and then a good portion of two years when I’m stationed and deployed.”

“I know,” I say numbly. God. I know.

“I’ll always love you though,” he says. He takes my hand and kisses it and pushes my hair behind my ear. “It’s not much but it’s all I have.” He stands still a moment, perhaps waiting for a response. But I can’t find any words to say. He turns, slowly, maybe still waiting. Maybe he wants me to get on my knees and beg him to stay. But I don’t. Calamity Jane does not beg.

And so, with that, Landon Christopher Woolard walks out of Starbucks and out of my life.