Scars

This was not the start to the New Year Brian had expected. After watching Tonya walk out of his father’s house after apologising for the mess that Jake had made, he followed suit, leaving the house at the stroke of midnight, not wanting to be around other people at that moment. Instead of getting into his SUV, he walked down the street, making his way slowly through central park until he found himself at the end of Huntington pier, staring out at the moonlit ocean. He stayed there for the longest time, trying his best to ignore the random drunks and party-goers trying to make their way home, or to another party.

Eventually though he slowly made his way home. He took a shower hoping that it would help him feel better but it did nothing to help the pain that was building deep in his chest. Stepping out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist, not bothering to dry himself off before collapsing on his bed. He was unable to stop the tears that slipped quietly down his cheeks as he lay staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the nights events.

He wondered whether he had done the right thing walking away from Tonya and Jake. Should he have ignored Jake’s comments and passed them off as the ramblings of a drunk teenager? But then again they do say that a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Maybe Jake meant exactly what he said, after all he’d said it all before. He wondered should he have stuck it out, battled with Jake’s issues with him in the hope that he would eventually get fully accepted by him.

The biggest part of him wanted to call her up or to turn up at her house and tell her that he loved her, that he’d reacted too quickly, that he should never have called things off between them just because of Jake and that they should try and work things out between the three of them.

But then there was a small part of him telling him that the two of them needed some time. Tonya would have enough on her plate dealing with a hung-over teenager without him turning up on her door step whining that he’d made a mistake. He also knew that deep down him and Tonya couldn’t be together until Jake could fully accept him being a part of both of their lives. For as long as Jake saw him as someone who was trying to replace his father he and Tonya didn’t have a future.

He was still led on the bed staring up at the ceiling as the sun reached its peak in the sky. Sleep had eluded him, his mind too busy to allow him the rest it truly needed. He had been aware that he’d had a few messages and phone calls on his cell but had ignored each of them, knowing by the ringtones that they weren’t from Tonya.

As the device began to ring once more Brian moved for the first time in hours, reaching over to the bed side table where his Blackberry sat. unable to take any more he picked it up turning it to silent and ignoring Matt’s call before letting it drop on the bed beside him. No sooner had the ringing been stopped than there was a knock at the front door. Brian groaned not wanting to deal with anyone but whoever was on the other side of the door was not going to give in easily.

With the towel still wrapped around his waist, Brian grudgingly made his way out of his room and opened the door finding Matt stood on the other side, a pack of Heineken in his hand.

“Stella sent me. She insisted I come over seeing as you weren’t answering your phone.” He said as Brian opened the door wider to allow him in. “We heard what happened last night.”

“Come in, I’ll get some clothes on.” Brian muttered turning back towards the bedroom.

When he returned to the living room Matt was sat on the sofa a beer in his hand, another open on the coffee table. “How’s Tonya? I’m assuming Stella’s spoken to her at some point.” he asked as he sat down, grabbing the beer and taking a long sip.

“She wasn’t answering her phone neither so she’s gone over there now.” Matt replied watching his friend intently.

“It’s for the best.” Brian replied finally. “Me and Jake would just end up clashing again and again.”

“You love her though right?” Matt asked watching as Brian began to nod quietly.

“More than you’d know.” he whispered. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“So why have you ended things with her?” he asked confused.

“Because of Jake. He’s not ready to accept someone coming into his and Tonya’s life.” He replied raising the bottle to his lips once more.

Matt remained silent, unsure of what else to say at that point.

*~*

Arriving home from the party full of emotion, Tonya had left Jake collapsed on the bathroom floor and headed straight to bed. Stripping from her jumpsuit she changed quickly into her pyjamas and climbed into bed without removing her make up. Led in the dark she allowed the tears to fall as she hugged a pillow close to her, comforted by the faint smell of Brian’s cologne that remained on it. Eventually exhaustion took over her body and she drifted off to sleep.

It was early morning when she awoke again, the early morning sun filtering into the room. She rubbed her red tired eyes before pushing the blankets off her body, forcing herself up and out of bed. She made her way into the bathroom, reaching into the shower to turn the water on, allowing it to warm up as she undressed. She stayed under the hot water for a long time, allowing her tears to mix with the water, hoping that the shower would also wash away the hurt she was feeling.

Dried and dressed Tonya made her way out of her bedroom and down the corridor to Jake’s room, choosing to unsympathetically bang her fist on the door to announce her presence instead of the usual soft knock. She doubted that the grunt that came from the other side of the door was a welcome greeting but she really didn’t give two fucks about that and proceeded to open the door anyway.

“Get your hung-over ass out of that bed quick sharp, you’ve got to get over to Mr. Haner’s place to clean up the mess you’ve made.” She shouted getting nothing but another grunt in reply. “Fucking shift Jake! Now before I get a bowl of ice cold water.”

“Okay, okay, do you have to yell? My head kills.” He muttered into his pillow, turning slowly his eyes squinting as he looked up towards her.

“Good, now maybe you’ll think twice before getting shitfaced off vodka.” She spat in reply turning to leave. “I want you ready to go in twenty minutes!”

It was late in the afternoon when Jake returned quietly from Brian’s dads house and retreated quietly to his room. since returning home from dropping Jake off Tonya had crashed on the sofa, grabbing some bottles of Bud from the fridge and a couple of her favourite horror films not wanting anything vaguely romantic at that moment.

She was about three quarters of the way through Child’s Play when there was a knock on the door. she tried to ignore it not wanting to deal with anybody. When she ignored the second knock Stella’s voice rang out from the other side of the door.

“I know you’re in there T, come on open up or I’ll be forced to empty out my purse on your doorstep to find your spare key, and there is an awful lot of crap in here so please don’t make me do that.”

Tonya had to smile, she wouldn’t be surprised if a kitchen sink was in that purse; it was like the second entrance to Narnia in that thing. How she ever found anything in there was a mystery.

“I knew that would get you moving.” Stella smiled as Tonya opened the door, stepping to the side so that she could enter. “Hun what the fuck happened last night? One minute me and Matt are sneaking off upstairs for a quickie in the bathroom the next we walked back downstairs to get told that you’ve left with Jake and Brian disappeared off on his own.”

Closing the door behind her Tonya followed Stella back over to the sofa, grabbing her bottle of Bud as she sat down, lifting her legs up so that she was hugging them to her. “It’s over, Brian and me, we’re finished.” She stated quietly, tears coming to her eyes.

“But why? I don’t understand.” She replied watching her best friend intently.

“Because of Jake. Brian thinks he’s just not ready to deal with me having someone new in my life.” She replied wiping tears from her eyes. “I think I’ve got to agree with him.”

“Is he ever going to be happy with you moving on?” Stella asked.

Tonya lifted her head to look over at her best friend. “This is all new for him Stel. Brian was the first guy since his father that I’d shown interest in, let alone had a relationship with. it was stupid of me to think he’d be okay with me finding someone so soon.”

“So soon? Jesus Christ T, how long do you think you should wait before finding someone? Will he be okay with it once he’s a father himself? Or maybe he’ll be okay with you finding some one when you’re an old bitter bitch living here with twelve cats for company?” she replied, her voice growing with anger and volume.

“He’s just not ready yet!” she spat lifting the beer bottle to her lips.

“He’s just being a spoilt brat!” Stella spat in reply. “You’ve got to stop putting him first, think about your own happiness for once.”

“No, no he’s not. He’s a kid who’s been through a lot. He’s my son, my world, and he comes before anything, always.” Tonya snapped loudly.

“He’s got to realise that you’re going to move on eventually. He’s old enough to understand and to know that you and Brian love each other, that you’re perfect together.” Stella replied her tone finally softening somewhat.

“Were.” Tonya replied simply. “You’re not a mother so you don’t understand, like I said he’s everything to me and I’ve got to think about his happiness first so if he’s not happy with me being with Brian then I won’t be with him.”

“Then I’m sorry but you’re an idiot and as I said he’s being nothing but a spoilt brat who can’t deal with you someone else coming into your life.” Stella stated.

“And here I was thinking that as my best friend you’d support me and comfort me after the break up of my relationship. Instead you insult both me and my son. Thanks Stel, thanks a lot.” she said exclaimed angrily.

“I’m sorry Tonya,” she began standing from the sofa. “but I can’t sit here and listen to how you’re letting your son dictate your life.”

Then without another word she walked over to the front door, pulling it shut behind her, leaving Tonya sat on the sofa, fresh tears slipping silently down her cheeks.