My Heart's Always With You Now

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I blush a little and look at Zacky as he stares intently into my eyes. He has this certain expression on his face that makes his eyes stand out and his lips curl into a smile.

"You look beautiful," he whispers and brushes my hair out of my face.

Biting my lip as my cheeks grow insanely hot, I wrap my arms around him and kiss his neck. "You're too sweet, Zack."

He rubs my back and kisses my head. "Just calling it like I see it."

"So how are things with Mark?" Matt asks me as I walk out of the studio with him, carrying a notebook full of lyrics he wrote.

"Pretty good." I smile. "He's so sweet. He bought me an autographed Rush album." I grin and climb into his black car with him.

Matt smiles at me. "That's awesome. They are like your favorite band." He starts up the car and drives towards his house.

"After you guys, of course." I laugh. "But I really like him. He's goofy, funny, sweet, and just a great guy to talk to." Smiling I look down at my lap, feeling almost embarrassed for talking about him that way in front of Matt.

"I'm glad you found someone. It's about time." He laughs and ruffles my hair. "I thought you and Zack would get back together. But you two don't like each other, huh?"

"Nope," I say rather confidently and look at Matt. "Not at all."

"He and Carlee seem to be getting serious," he points out.

I shrug my shoulders. "Isn't today Sunday? Why aren't we doing Beach Day?" I laugh when we pass a bar on PCH. I wanted to change the subject. I don't care if Zacky and Carlee are getting serious. Their love life should just stay between them.

Later that night we all go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Zacky and Carlee got back earlier this morning from their trip to Vermont so they spend most of the dinner talking about how great it was.

Carlee is beautiful, I can't lie. She has a beautiful smile, beautiful hair, and eyes. She and Zacky are pretty much perfect together. The way they laugh at the same thing, the eye contact they make and the way they smile at each other.

"Are you okay, babe?" Mark whispers as he gives my hand a squeeze.

I turn and see the most amazing guy in the world; Mark. His brown hair falls perfectly, framing his face. His eyes are a bright blue, standing out against his fair complexion. A trace of love in every word. A trace of happiness and care.

I don't deserve this.

"I'm fine." I nod and look down at my plate of half eaten fries and a veggie burger. Mark senses something wrong and asks if I want to go outside and talk about it but I shrug. "No, lets just sit here, okay?" I smile and kiss him, not wanting him to know I'm starting to have doubts.

"So you two are doing okay, I see." Carlee smiles at us as she puts her napkin on the table.

Mark squeezes my hand and grins at his sister. "We're great."

I look at him and smile then back at Carlee and Zacky. "We are." I nod in agreement even though the thoughts from earlier haven't left my mind.

"That's so great," Carlee says. "We should go out to dinner again soon! I feel like we haven't had time to spend together." She laughs.

"Sounds good." Mark smiles and kisses my cheek.

I look at Zacky who smiles at me then sips his beer. We don't talk the rest of the night which is odd. He and Carlee talk amongst themselves and Mark talks to me about places we can go for dinner. I just want to escape...

"Second thoughts?" My brother says as I sit down on his couch.

"Yeah." I sigh and play with the bracelet Mark's little cousin made me. "It was weird. When we were at dinner it just hit me. Mark is such a sweet guy and I don't deserve him."

Jason sighs. "What makes you think you don't deserve someone like that? You haven't done anything to be ashamed of."

I bite my lip. "I think I have..." The feeling in the pit of my stomach rises as a familiar face pops into mind. His snake bites accenting his full, soft lips. His eyes lighting up the room... All I can think about is Zacky while I'm with Mark.

I explain to my brother how I only think of Zacky whenever I spend time with Mark and he tells me I need to break it off or figure out a way to get Zacky off my mind. "I don't want to break his heart," I tell Jason.

"But you're only going to make it worse by giving him false hope, Megan. Being together for a month and a half means a whole lot. If it was a week or two, it'd be entirely different. But you've spent so much time with him and given him hope that you feel the same way about him as he feels about you. If you're thinking of Zacky the whole time then you need to not be with Mark and be with Zack."

"I can't. He's with Carlee."

"Carlee's a bitch," Matt says walking over.

"No she isn't, shut up." I throw a pillow at my brother then turn back to Jason who is actually good at giving advice.

He sighs. "Maybe you should talk to Zacky about it or something."

"Are you kidding me?" Matt asks Jason. "His head is shoved so far up Carlee's ass he won't be able to hear a word Megan says."

"Thanks, Matt." I roll my eyes and stand up. "I'm just going to go home and think about it. Thanks Jason." I hug him them flip off Mat.

"We're always here for you," Jason says. "Well, at least I am." He chuckles.

That night I lay in bed for an hour thinking about what to say to Mark and how to say it. Am I seriously starting to have feelings for Zacky again?

Ugh.