My Heart's Always With You Now

"You look beautiful," Mark says standing outside my apartment with a bouquet of flowers.

I shut the door behind me and grin. "Thank you." I kiss his cheek. "You look handsome." I smile and walk down the steps with him and out to the lot.

Mark opens the door for me. "Are you okay, Meg? You look like something is on your mind."

I turn to him before climbing in. "I'm fine." I peck his lips with a small smile then get in the car. He shuts the door behind me then walks to the other side and climbs in. "I'm just hungry." I laugh, trying to play it off.

He puts his hand on my thigh as he drives away towards the restaurant. "Me too." He laughs and kisses me at a red light. "I don't mean to sound cheesy or anything but I'm really glad I met you." As he tells me this I feel a stabbing pain in my heart. Little did he know I was going to break it off with him sometime soon.... "You're such a wonderful girl. You're smart, funny, successful. And drop dead gorgeous." He rubs my thigh with a smile.

"You're too sweet to me," I whisper looking down at his hand. "I don't deserve it."

"Yes you do, baby." Mark smiles and kisses my hand. "Don't talk like that."

I take a deep breath and look out at the city lights that seem to blur as we speed down the road. This wasn't going to be easy... I don't want to break Mark's heart. He's too sweet of a guy. He really likes me and I have to tell him I'm still hung up on a relationship that ended years ago...

I'm an awful person.

We pull up to the restaurant and Mark takes my hand in his. I put on a fake smile and walk inside. We tell the woman who we are meeting with and she walks us to the back where we see Zacky and Carlee hand in hand with smiles on their faces. "Hey guys!" Carlee smiles and hugs the both of us.

"Hey," I say to her as I take a seat across from Zacky. "Hey loser," I tease.

He kicks me under the table. "You're so funny, Megan."

"Awh, shucks, Zack." I laugh and roll my eyes. I order some wine and Mark gets a beer which is his typical preference. "So how are you guys?" I ask looking over the menu, trying to ignore the gut wrenching feeling I am baring.

"We're amazing," Carlee says.

"Yep." Zacky smiles. "What about you two? You guys seem pretty happy."

I don't say anything and Mark smiles at them. "We are." He kisses my hand and gives it a squeeze.

I smile at him then look back down at the menu. I feel someone kick my foot and I look up, seeing Zacky staring at me while Mark and Carlee talk. "What's wrong?" He mouths to me.

"Nothing." I shake my head and look back down at the menu. Just looking into his eyes gives me chills - just like they used to. "What are you going to order?" I ask Mark.

"Probably the steak." He shrugs. "What about you, baby?" He puts his hand on my thigh.

I blush a little and feel a sense of embarrassment overwhelm me. I shrug my shoulders to play it off and tell him I'm going to order the vegetable fajitas. Mark kisses my cheek and holds my hand, talking to Carlee about the new job he is being offered.

"I have a question," Mark whispers and looks down at our hands.

"What?" I look at him, honestly a little worried about what he was going to say.

"What would you say about moving in with me?" Mark smiles.

My heart sinks and I feel my legs go numb. I can't keep this up. I need to talk to him right now. "Mark, can I talk to you?" I ask him quietly, not wanting Zacky and Carlee to hear.

"Of course."

"Be right back, guys." I smile at them then walk outside of the restaurant with Mark holding my hand.

"What is it?" He asks worried.

I sigh and drop his hand. "You know how I said you were too sweet in the car? And how I don't deserve it?" He nods. "Well I don't. I don't deserve someone like you, Mark. You're too perfect for me."

He gulps so quietly, I can hear his heart pounding. "What are you saying?"

"I can't do this. I like you so much, but I just think you are in it for the long run... I'm not so sure I can be. I'm not able to be what you want me to be. I can never repay you for all that you have done for me."

"Megan, I-"

"Mark, please." I sigh, feeling tears sting my eyes. "I really don't want to do this. I just can't be what you are to me. I'm so sorry."

He bites his lip and looks away. "Do you not want me to move away for my new job? Do you not like my taste in music or movies? What don't you like?"

"Mark, it isn't you," I cry and put my hand on his shoulder. "It really isn't. I'm just not the person you should waste your emotions on. You're such a great guy and you're going to find someone else who deserves all you do."

"You still love him, don't you?" A tear falls from his beautiful eyes.

"What? Mark-"

"I know you do. I'm not blind, Megan." He takes a deep breath and fixes his tie. "I'm going to pay for our drinks then leave. Carlee will drive you home." He walks inside, leaving me standing alone.

As more tears fall from my eyes, the minutes pass by until someone walks out of the restaurant. "Megan, what's going on?" Zacky asks. "Are you okay?" He notices me crying.

"I'm not okay." I shake my head.

"What's wrong? Why did Mark come in looking all torn up. Did he break up with you?" Zacky looks down at me, wiping my tears away.

This is only making things harder. Seeing his eyes look so intently into mine send chills down my spine. I'm not able to breathe as often or as deeply as I was. The air has become thick and cold to the point it's hard to breathe. My knees go weak and my heart is slowing to a deathly speed.

"No, I broke up with him," I tell Zacky.

He looks down at me shocked. "What? Why? You two looked so happy. What happened, Meg?" When I don't reply he lifts my chin.

"Zacky, don't." I pull away not able to take it anymore. His touch is electrifying and his gaze is torture. I can't stand looking at him anymore with him not being mine.

"Megan. Tell me what is wrong." He pulls me back to him looking concerned.

"I can't! Please, just stop!" I cry. "I can't do this."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What do you want me to do or say, Megan?"

I grab my hair and look at him, feeling the warm tears fall to down my cheeks so rapidly. "I'm not fucking over you!" I yell, not caring that people were staring at us. "I never got over you, Zack! I never got the closure I have wanted all these years."

"Oh, Meg." Zacky shakes his head and looks away from me. "You broke up with Mark because you never got closure?"

"Yes! And because it kills me to see you so happy with someone else!"

"What do you mean?" Zacky runs his fingers through his hair.

"Why can't I make you that happy?!"

Zacky rolls his eyes. "Don't fucking pin that on me, Megan! Don't act like you never made me happy!"

"Why did you break up with me? You never gave me a reason! I've gone all this time wondering what I did wrong!"

He shakes his head and puts his hands on his hips. "I'm not getting into this with you."

I just cry harder. "Fuck this. Fuck everything. I still care about you, Zacky. I never got over you. I want closure but you don't fucking care about anyone else but yourself."

"Don't you dare fucking say that. I tried so hard to make you happy. I tried so hard to keep us together."

"You're not doing that great of a fucking job right now, Zacky!" I scream.

"It's not all about you, Megan! I want to be fucking happy, too! It's not my fault you're still hung up on something that happened years ago!"

If there is anything left of my heart it's shattering right now. Really? He's really fucking saying this to me?

"You're right. It's all my fault." I shake my head and wipe the smeared makeup from under my eyes. "I'm sorry that I give a shit about you and want to be the one who makes you happy. I'm sorry I'm still hung up on something that happened a while ago. I'm sorry you never gave me closure."

Zacky sighs. "Megan..."

I grab my phone and call my brother, ignoring Zacky. "Jason, come pick me up. Please," I cry into the telephone.

Zacky sighs and then walks back inside to be with Carlee. I sit down on the curb and cry for what seems like forever until my brothers pull up, terrified of what was wrong. I just climb into the back seat and cry into Matt's shoulder.

If things weren't already fucked, I fucked them up even more.