My Heart's Always With You Now

Sitting in Zacky's living room with my things, he walks over to me and sighs noticing my sadness. Carlee comes home in a matter of minutes and I'm afraid she will know what happened because of Mark...

"We're still best friends, right?" Zacky asks quietly sitting next to me.

I look at him wondering why he thinks things would change. Nodding my head I look away from his eyes knowing I wouldn't be able to take it any longer. However, he turns my chin to him and runs his thumb over my bottom lip. "Don't be sad."

Before I can spill my heart out to him the door opens. "Zacky! I'm home!" Carlee shouts.

I gulp wondering who she is going to kill first. If she kills Zacky first she has more time to torture me. However, if she kills me first Zacky might have a chance. Shaking the thoughts of murder out of my head, I watch as Zacky gets up and walks over to the door where she runs and jumps into his arms.

I study her expression for any trace of murderous hate. When I see her grinning at Zacky with bright eyes, my heart sinks.

She doesn't know.

I want to feel relieved that Mark never told her. I want to be happy that she still has Zacky. But I can't help but be totally crushed that Zacky is still hers. I know there would have been a fight and Zacky may have gotten a slap or two, but at the end of the day he would have been mine.

Is that sickeningly selfish?

After Carlee kisses Zacky a few times she looks past him and sees me. "Megan! Hi!" She grins and walks over to hug me. "What are you doing here?" She asks politely.

I was sleeping with your boyfriend. Yep, all day every day we laid in bed and had sex with each other. Yep, the bed you sleep in every night. Yep, we even did it on the very couch you are sitting on. Yeah, I wish I could just say it.

"Well Zacky was lonely while you were gone and the guys and I decided we needed to cheer him up." That's not a total lie. "So I brought some movies over." I laugh.

Carlee smiles and looks back at Zacky who leans against the back of the couch looking down at us. "I missed you," he says to her.

She gets up and kisses him softly. "I missed you, too." Carlee sighs and looks back down at me. "We should all go out and go to dinner. I want to see the guys!"

Zacky and I look at each other so quickly Carlee doesn't catch us. "Are you sure? You're not tired from the flight or anything?" Zacky asks wrapping his arms around her.

The sight is killing me but I suck it up. "I want to see everyone. I've been gone for what seems like forever." Carlee laughs and rests her head on his chest.

It's sad knowing sooner or later she is going to find out about this past week. She's going to find out Zacky and I had the most outrageous sex that she could ever imagine. She's going to find out that Zacky and I have a past and will never have a future.

It's sad how it always turns out that way.

That night I show up to the restaurant with my brothers. I never told Jason what happened or Matt for that matter. They know I stayed with Zacky and things happened, but they didn't know Carlee was clueless. They didn't know Mark saw Zacky and I. I hate lying to my brothers. I need to tell them.

We sit down at the table in the V.I.P. section and order some drinks. Zacky and I keep glancing at one another uncontrollably. Every time I look into his eyes I see us. Moaning each other's name, screaming, biting, scratching, and rolling around in his bed. I'm almost put into a trance until Jimmy nudges me.

"Are you okay, kid? You look sick."

I snap out of my daze and look over at him. "I'm fine." I laugh a little and sip my beer trying to keep my mind off Zacky. But fuck, it's so hard to when I can smell his delicious scent from across the table that triggers memories of us under the sheets.

As I take another long sip of my beer I see Carlee lean over and kiss Zacky's lips... The lips that touched every inch of my body. The lips that sent chills down my spine every time they came in contact with mine. The lips that would wake me every morning. She kisses him again as a smile rises on both of their faces and I feel I'm about to puke.

I get up from the table quickly and make a run for the bathroom, not waiting to hear anyone yell for me. I push open a stall and bend over the toilet. As I throw up, I cry. I think about how fucking slutty, awful, and sick I feel. I just slept with my best friend for a whole week and he is still with that girl.

I don't know who to blame. Me for being so easy and so vulnerable. Or him for not breaking up with her.

"Meg?" A voice asks from the outside of the bathroom.

It's my brother, Matt. My stomach clinches again and I throw up a little more. I can't say a word because I'll cry or end up puking some more. So Matt just walks in and knocks on my stall. "Megan, are you okay?" He sighs and puts his hand on my back.

I sit down on the ground and turn to him with red eyes. "I can't take it." I put my hands over my stomach and bawl my eyes out. "I can't handle seeing him with her anymore."

Matt pulls me into a hug and lets me cry into his shoulder. "Megan, don't cry over Zack."

"I can't help it!" I choke. "I just had the best week of my entire life with him and now he's going to repeat those days with her!" I wipe my eyes trying to calm down. "I know I sound selfish but I fucking love him, Matt."

He wipes my eyes and sighs. "Do you want my advice?"

I nod, knowing I need to hear someone else's words other than my own.

"I think you just need to take a break from him. I know he is your best friend but he is with someone else and no one has any idea what is going through that head of his. You need to find someone else who will make you happy." When I open my mouth to tell him that will be impossible, he shakes his head. "It's not impossible. There is someone else out there who will make you feel the way Zacky does. He's just conflicted between two girls. Even though you're by far the best of the two," he says with a smile.

Sighing I wipe my eyes and look at him. "I hate how right you are." I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. "Thanks, Matt. I love you."

"I love you too, sis." He rubs my back. "Now cheer up and we will go back out there." Matt smiles and helps me to my feet.

After wiping away my smeared makeup and rinsing my mouth many times, I walk back out and see everyone staring at me. I tell them I ate something funny earlier and they carry on with their conversations. However, I can tell Zacky knows I'm lying. Same with Jason and Jimmy. They eye me the entire night but I ignore them. I don't want to know what they are thinking.

Ignorance is bliss... Right?