My Heart's Always With You Now

"I fucking love you, Megan! And I can't get over the fact that you will never be mine!"

His voice echos in my head for what seems like an eternity. As I stand there motionless the silence becomes unbearable and I see a tear sparkle in his eye. My throat closes up and I feel my lungs tighten, barely allowing me to breathe. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whisper feeling my nose tingle and my eyes sting with tears.

He looks taken aback. "What?"

"Do you think you can give me the best fucking week of my life, act like it never existed and continue with your relationship, just to crush mine when I am finally fucking happy?!" I scream, not able to believe this is happening.

Zacky's brows furrow and he stands up. "I can't stand seeing you with him!"

"Well I went three god damn fucking months seeing you with Carlee!" I shout even louder. "You know how much that fucking killed me! Everyone fucking knew! So don't act like you didn't. How do you think I fucking feel after giving you everything I had to give just for you to ignore it and stay with Carlee?! I can't believe I let myself think you were going to break up with her after that first night!"

"Oh don't pin that on me, Megan!" Zacky shouts.

I laugh. "Don't pin that on you? Fuck, I'll fucking nail it to you, then! I can't get it through to you, Zack! I've loved you since we first fucking met! I was totally shattered when you dumped me! So when we were together for that week I felt like things were going back to normal! I loved you so fucking much. And for what? You to just continue dating Carlee? I'm sorry that I made myself happy by finding someone else!"

Zacky just looks down at the ground. "Megan. Please, just-"

"No." I cry. "You had your chance, Zacky. I'm not going to play your love games, okay? You already broke my heart more times than I can count. I'm not going to let you ruin this for me. I spilled my heart out to you many times. You had the chance to get me back. You can't do this to me now. Not when I am finally fucking happy. Just get back with Carlee so we can forget about each other." I wipe my eyes with my sleeves, almost hyperventilating from the lack of oxygen.

I turn on my heel and go to walk out of the room but Zacky grabs my hand. "I need you, Megan! I fucking need you!"

I only cry harder. Ten minutes ago Zacky was the guy I could never have - like a beautiful wedding gown in a bridal shop. You want it so badly. You can picture yourself with it and everything... But you'll never get it. You're not even sure you'll have it in the future. So you just move on.

Well, Zacky is my wedding dress. I want him, I can see myself with him, but I'll never get him. I'll never have a future with him.

But with everything he is saying now, things are starting to change. For better and for worse.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I cry.

"Because I couldn't. I'm so awful with showing my emotions, Megan. I know that's not an excuse when you love someone, but I had no idea how to tell you or how to break up with Carlee. Fuck, we broke up in high school because I was too much of a pussy to make a commitment."

I look up at him. "What are you talking about?"

He takes a deep breath and walks over to a dresser. After throwing his clothes on the floor without a care he pulls something out and walks back over to me. I bite my lip in confusion and look at his trembling hands. "I loved you back in high school. You were perfect. You were everything you are now. I was going to... God damn." Zacky takes a deep breath as he gets choked up. "I was going to propose."

Someone catch me. I think I'm about to fucking black out...