Redemption

They told her to forgive and forget. They told her that he’ll get what he deserved. They told her that she couldn’t hold hatred in her heart; that it was poison; that it was death. They told her that if she let the Lord deal with her troubles then everything would work out. They told her that if she just sat back and let nature’s course unfold she’d see that she’d be avenged sevenfold.

She forced herself to stay as an hour turned to a day and a day to week. Nothing was done. She is no nearer to justice, no nearer to peace. Shouldn’t something have been solved by now? Shouldn’t he have been in pain right now?

“Calm down, Jenny,” her mother says softly. “I know he hurt us but --”

“But? But what?!” she shouts. “I’m sick of this! He should be suffering this second and all he’s doing is living it up with this pendeja! Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that? He doesn’t fucking deserve to be happy!”

“Jenny, I taught you better than that. Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” her mother snaps. “Only God can say what he deserves and what he doesn’t.” Her mother had stopped to rest her sore feet for a moment but now she stands up again, reaching fully to her shoulder. However, Jenny remains sitting so her mother is able to look down at the tall, pale, young woman. “Are you coming home for dinner?”

She breaks off eye contact and instead gazes down at her scuffed DC sneakers. She’d have to clean them later. Her mother is still standing there waiting. Always the perfect mother; patient, caring, clean, and an amazing cook. Jenny shakes her head. “No, I have to --”

“Alright,” her mother interrupts. “If you change your mind you’re free to come, you know that already.” Her mother stoops the small distance to her daughters forehead and kisses her. “I love you. Dios te bendiga,” she says as she rights herself and straightens her jacket. Jenny listens as the click of her mother’s heels grows fainter then looks up.

The front door swung open and Jenny looked up quickly as her father walked in. His face was lined and heavy and dark and his thick black hair was sprinkled with white. He was getting old and he was exhausted from his labors. He looked into the cramped living room where Jenny lounged and smiled. The lines around his mouth deepened but just as quickly they filled in again as did the Red Sea did behind the enslaved. “Hey, kiddo!” he greeted as he took off his blazer. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until next week.”

“I was homesick,” Jenny answered with a shrug and looking back down at the notebook computer resting on her lap.

Her father chuckled and walked over to the couch. He made sure that there were no hazardous toys lying about on it before he inhaled, pulled up the legs of his gray pleated suit-pants and sat down. He exhaled as he got settled down with his arms crossed over his lap and he leaned towards the weathered coffee table, complete with moisture rings and cigarette burns. “How’s school going?”

“It’s going,” Jenny replied. “Could be worse; could be better.”

“Got a boyfriend yet?” her dad teased. Jenny rolled her eyes before answering in the negative. “Good, they’re nothing but trouble. All they want --”

“Is to get in my pants.” Jenny finished. “Yeah, I know.”

Her father smiled and gazed into the kitchen which was clearly visible from where he sat. “Your mom’s not here?” he asked.

Jenny shook her head. “She went to pick up Matt then she has to run down to the supermarket to get rice.” Her father nodded.

“Jennifer, we need to talk.”

She looked up at her father’s change in tone and pulled the left lime green earbud from her ear. The right, no longer having the left to keep it in suspension fell with a hollow tap onto her laptop. “I’m listening,” she said.

“Hey, Jen! Wait up!” Jenny’s best friend calls as she jogs to catch up to her. “Where the Hell have you been?” she asks breathlessly. “I tried to get in touch with you last night, but do you ever pick up? No, of course not, you completely ignore all my calls and I even had David call you but you ignored that too. I thought you’d pick up for him,” she finishes with a grin. It falls when she looks at Jenny.

“I didn’t feel like going out,” Jenny answers.

The girl pushes her long black hair back from her face and ties it up in a messy ponytail as she speaks. “Listen, I know what your dad did is fucked up but you can’t keep going around like this. You got to live, you know?”

“My heart’s beating, I’m living,” Jenny replies.

“My dad left us when I was two and, you know what, I’m doing fine without him. Always have, always will. At least your dad stayed for as long as he did. You’re already grown. It should be easier for you.”

Jenny shrugs her shoulder. “Whatever.”

Her friend sighs and walks alongside Jenny, humming. Jenny trudges on towards her first class in and watching as a group of boys toss a football across the lawn. One of them dives for it but crashes into another. They glare at each other and get into a fight. It’s over quickly with both of them laughing and the other boys joining in. The crash victim is the first to get up and offers his hand to help his friend up. All is forgiven and the game resumes.

Jenny’s friend sighs again and stops whistling. “I broke up with Manny,” she says finally. “He was cheating on me…again.”

Jenny stops walking and hugs her friend. “I’m sorry, Maria.” She releases her and then pulls away. “But really, I think you like getting hurt because every time he says he’s sorry, you believe him and you go through the same shit all over again.”

“Yo sé, pero,” Maria begins. “I can’t help it. I want to believe him so bad; I want to trust him, tu sabes?”

“Yeah, I know.” They begin to walk again and finally reach their shared class. They part to take their separate seats.

Jenny threw the picture of her and her father across the room and it shattered against the wall. “I can’t believe him! He’s just going to leave us like that?!” she shouted. Her mother entered the room and shook her head as she stared at the broken glass glimmering on the floor.

“What else is he going to do, Jennifer? He’s not happy here? He wants to be with her? So, he can leave. I’m not going to get in his way anymore. You and Matt will be fine.”

“And know we’ll be fine, but what about you? Did he even think about how it’ll affect you?”

“I work, I can pay the bills and you have your scholarship. Matt is a smart boy, he’ll get one too. I don’t need your father to support me.”

She stopped and looked at her mother with disbelief. “So you’re OK with this? You’re just going to let him go and pretend that you didn’t waste twenty years of your life on him?”

“Wasted? I didn’t waste anything. I have two beautiful children and I had the love of a good man. God made sure that I didn’t waste a single minute.”

“Aren’t you mad at him?”

“I was but I forgave him; now he just has to forgive himself.”

Jenny’s stomach rumbles but she ignores it as the Father prays. Her eyes are shut tight as he finally reaches the part she’d been waiting for, “This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper.”

The church fills with one rumble into Jenny adds her own voice. “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Jenny follows her mother and younger brother into the aisle to receive communion. Men, women, teenagers, all with their own stories, all with their own worries. How many others here wish that they could change someone? How many wish that they had the power to forgive and forget? How many wish to finally be at peace with themselves?

“The Body of Christ,” the Father says holding out the flat unleavened wafer.

Jenny holds out her hands, right over left. “Amen,” she says as he places it into her palm. She walks away hearing the Father repeat the same refrain to another sinner, places the wafer onto her tongue, and allows it to melt in her mouth before swallowing. She finally reaches the pew she’d been sitting in and shuffles down it, pulls out the kneeling platform and kneels. She takes a deep breath and prays, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.”

Everyone stands as the last person returns to their seat. “The Lord be with you.”

“And also with you,” Jenny hears her mother say.

“May the Almighty God bless you, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” The congregation mimics the Father as he crosses himself.

“Amen.”

“Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”

“Thanks be to God!” For the first time in weeks Jenny feels a pressure lift off of her and smiles at her mother. Her mother smiles back and they wait for the Father and the clergy to exit the church before she sidles out.

“Forgive and forget; He takes care of everything.”