Fatal Attractions

As the flames licked the sheets that covered his body, I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks. It was hard to watch, but I knew I had to. Sam squeezed my hand tightly as he sniffed and sobbed. He was a wreck. And it hurt to see him this way. I squeezed his had back, letting him know it was okay.

I looked over to Dean. He kept his composer as calm as he could. His eyes were red and watery, but he refused to let his tears fall. He seemed to be lost within his own world. He didn't look at either of us. He just watched the flames eat away at his father's lifeless corpse.

My heart stung as that thought passed through my brain. John was gone. He was actually dead. This wasn't a joke or a prank, it was the real deal. And while on the outside I looked fine, I was breaking down on the inside. I was going insane as the guilt and sorrow consumed my soul.

"Before he--before he--Did he say anything to you?" Sam mumbled, sniffing back his tears. "About anything?"

Dean looked from Sam back to the fire. After a moment, Dean finally answered Sam. "No. Nothing."

Sam looked away as a single tear rolled down Dean's right cheek. I repressed a growl that wanted to escape my throat. Of all the times for Dean to act like a douche, he chose now to do it. He had lied straight to mine and Sam's face. I knew him better than he thought I did. It was easy to tell when he was lying.

Dean looked at me as I roughly dug my nails into his hand. He shook his head at me. I glared at him as I felt his skin break. Sam, oblivious to our silent argument, buried his face in my neck as he continued to mourn.

*+*+*+*+*+*

I sighed as I laid my head back against the head rest in my Camaro. It had been a week since John had passed away. We were at Bobby'[s at the moment. Dean had consumed himself in his car. All he did was work on it and work on it. He hadn't shed not another tear since we had gotten back. I was worried about him to say the least.

Sam, on the other hand, had cried himself out. He did what he needed to to bring himself to terms with his father passing. Now, he just spent his time trying to track down Azazel. He had a feeling that with John dying and the Colt suddenly going missing, Azazel had something to do with it. And he didn't know how right he was.

Rumsfeld gently nudged my shoulder. I looked at him and smiled. He was worried about me. I had been beating myself up this whole week. Every fiber of my being felt like it was constricted and suffocating. I felt lost inside and I had no escape.

For as much as I hated John, I felt so hopeless without him. John was the reason I did most of what I did. He always gave me a reason to push myself. Whether it was because I wanted to show him I could do it, or just because I knew that once I had done it right, John would smile for me. And not his sadistic one that he always did. He's own genuine smile that gave me butterflies. That reminded me of my father.

I shook my head as Rumsfeld nudged my shoulder again. I scratched him behind the ear. I could hear distant shouting and sighed. Sam was hounding Dean again. I groaned as I got out of my car and shut the door. Dean looked frustrated. I had to stop this before Dean tried to kill Sam.

"What's going on here?"

"None of your business, Ellz. Just go back inside." Dean snapped.

"No. Not till you two stop fighting. " I snapped back.

"We weren't fighting, Ells." Sam muttered. "I just came out here to tell Dean something."

"Which is?" I asked.

"Well, I found one of Dad's old phones. It took me awhile, but I cracked his voice mail. Listen to this." He said, putting the message on speaker.

"John, it's Ellen. Again. Look, don't be stubborn. You know, I can help you. Call me."

"Ookay, so what about it?" I asked.

"That message is four months old."

"Dad saved that chicks message for four months?" Dean asked, slightly surprised.

"Yeah." Sam nodded.

"So who's Ellen? Dad ever mention her in his journal?"

"No. But I can--"

"I know where she lives." Both boys looked at me, surprised. "C'mon, we can take my car."

*+*+*+*+*

I growled in frustration as I rested my head on the pool table. Why the hell did the boys have to be so stubborn? First, Dean refuses to take my car, so we end up stuck with one of Bobby's old rundowns. Then, we make it to the saloon and Ellen almost blows our brains out. And now? Sam and Dean are off working on a case, while Ash goes through John's work.

I don't think I've ever been this annoyed and frustrated. I shook my head as i got up. Screw this. I wasn't going to just sit around and wait for those idiots to come back. Azazel was still out there somewhere with the colt. I had to find him and kill him before he made things worse.

Ellen watched me as I opened the door to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked.

"To do something more productive that sit around in a bar. I need to find the demon before he ruins anyone else's life." I said, looking back to her.

Ellen sighed. "You be careful out there."

"Yes ma'am."

I shut the door behind me as I walked out. It sucked not having my car. It would make leaving here so much more easier. I debated on calling Bobby, but decided not to. The minute I told him what I planned to do, Dean and Sam would be here so fast it wouldn't even be funny.

I sighed, not knowing what to do. As much as I wanted to find Azazel, there was also something else brewing within my head. There was a way for john to come back. If Azazel could take his soul, I was more than sure he could return it as well. All I need to do was give him something he wanted desperately in return.

With a plan forming in my head, I took off walking towards an isolated area. Getting a hold of Azazel wasn't the tricky part. It was making sure I played my cards right. One wrong move and I could end up like John. Or worse.